


Grey Walls & Red Stains

by WhyAreAllUsernamesTaken



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Kidnapping, M/M, Minor Character Death, POV Alternating, Rape/Non-con Elements, Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-26
Updated: 2019-06-07
Packaged: 2020-03-19 19:45:16
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 20
Words: 59,506
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18977131
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WhyAreAllUsernamesTaken/pseuds/WhyAreAllUsernamesTaken
Summary: It should have never happened.''I still want to work a bit before I go''Not now and not ever. Not to Jisung, not to anyone.''I don't think that's a good idea Sungie. You looked so tired today''But it still did.''I'll be fine Chan''Dear Jisung who always worked so hard, who smiled so radiantly, who was the mood-maker of the team, who could talk for days on end, who was comforting and annoying at the same time. Jisung, who sometimes was too headstrong to listen to others.''I don't like you walking home alone but since you've made up your mind... I want you back before two okay?''Every choice you come across is a double-edged sword with the outcome depending on what you do... or don't do.''Got it captain!''And that was the last thing they would hear from dear Jisung in weeks.





	1. Chapter 01

**Author's Note:**

> Before we start:
> 
> The tags and warnings are there for a reason. I didn't put them there just for fun. This story is quite f*cked up so I highly recommend not reading this if you aren't into the whole angst-business.  
> This story is fiction. Under no circumstance do I wish for this to happen in real life. If you even think I would, maybe you should take a good look at yourself first.
> 
> I don't particulary feel good about having written this, but that's life.  
> I know it's not pretty and even I find it difficult to read now.
> 
> If you ever need anyone to talk to, feel free to come to me. I really don't mind being a listening ear, no matter how small or big. Heck, we can even talk about the weather if that makes you feel better. Just know that I'll be there:
> 
> @kpoplover4everr (MissBien)
> 
> I've almost finished this story (56k) so you can expect fast updates. At least one a day, maybe two.  
> Enjoy reading and talk to you guys later.

The room was damp and the air moist. The music was so loud that you wouldn’t be able to hear anything else even if you really tried. Bodies, drenched with sweat, were moving with precision. For anybody watching, it must have looked quite effortless despite the red faces.

The music came to a stop, and so did the bodies. They all slumped to the floor exhausted. The room was now eerily quiet, except for the heavy breathing that could be heard.

‘’Okay guys, I think we did enough for today. Lets pack up and get back to the dorms. We have some kids who really need their sleep.’’

I had my eyes closed, but I could recognize that voice anywhere: our leader, Chan. I opened my eyes and sat back up. Even though we were all exhausted, the members still had enough energy left to fool around. Jeongin was trying to swat Seungmin off of him, in the corner of the room was some kind of human tower going on and god knows what Felix and Changbin were doing under the bench. A small smile crept on my face as I observed the scene. It was a complete mess, but that’s just how it always was. They looked so happy. 

I was in the midst of observing how the members struggled to keep the human tower up when I heard Chan’s voice booming through the room again.

‘’Everyone get your asses off the floor, the last bus is leaving in fifteen minutes so I want to be out of here in five!’’

Not wanting to miss the bus and walk all the way back to the dorms, the members slowly untangled themselves to get up. 

‘’You guys head back first. I still want to work a bit before I go,’’ I yelled to the guys.

They gave me a nod, indicating that they heard me, and they slowly started to pack their stuff. Chan made his way over to me and squeezed my shoulder.

‘’I don’t think that’s a good idea Sungie. You looked so tired today, are you going to be okay on your own?,’’ he asked with a concerned expression on his face.

‘’Of course! What kind of question is that?,’’ I snickered. 

‘’YAH! I’m just concerned. I’m just not sure if you get enough sleep. What if you just pass out here with no-one around?!,’’ Chan yelled while frantically waving his arms around.

‘’Oh wow, do you even hear yourself Mr. hypocrite? I’ll be fine Chan,’’ I shot at him.

After laughing my ass off because of Chan’s overdramatic and comical flapping about, I calmed him down and assured him that I was going to be just fine. 

‘’I don’t like you walking home alone but since you’ve made up your mind… I want you back before two okay?’’ Chan said seriously.

‘’Got it captain!,’’ I yelled out.

Chan rolled his eyes and gave me a little smirk. Shaking his head, Chan turned and packed his stuff as well. On his way out, he turned around and told me he would tell Ki-Hyung that I was still here as usual. 

Ki-hyung was the security guard. Most of the time he did the night shifts because he enjoyed how peaceful it was at night. When he first started working here he seemed really out of place, like he just wasn’t really made for the job. Seeing how uncomfortable he appeared, I just started a conversation with him one day. He was quite shy at first, but after asking about his hobby’s he just lit up. Even though he was a couple of years older than me, he looked like a little kid when he was explaining how much he loves gaming.  
A few weeks later people had started calling us Batman and Robin. Not only was Ki-hyung much taller than me, he was definitely much better at dragging his ass to the gym regularly. Whenever I had a break from practise I would go looking for Ki-hyung to hang out and Ki-hyung always came looking for me when he was on a break.  
Months went on like this and we became what felt to me like brothers. After telling him that I stayed behind almost every day to practise or compose on my own, he decided to change shifts and work at night. We began hanging out even more. Sometimes I would go get us snacks as I kept him company during his shifts.

Pulling out of my thoughts, I thanked Chan as he disappeared from my sight.

I went to sit on the floor with my back against a wall. Turning on my laptop I let out a sigh. The quietness of the room was comforting. Don’t get me wrong, I loved it when I was with the members but because we were with the nine of us it could get a bit hectic. A little moment of peace and quiet for myself felt great.  
Pulling myself out of my train of thought, I put on my headphones and got to work.

When I looked back up from my laptop, I noticed it was already 02:00 which meant that I had been working three hours non-stop. Deciding that I had done enough and that I had already broken my promise to Chan, I turned off my laptop and put it In my bag. Gathering my last belongings I noticed a figure standing in the doorway.

‘’Ki hyung! You scared me! How long have you been standing there?’’ I said.

‘’Well, would you freak out if I told you that I have been here for a few minutes….?’’ He said as he grinned at me.

I walked over to him and punched his arm.

‘’Oooh, so mister security guard thinks it is okay to slouch on the job and creep around the building to stare at innocent kids’’ I playfully joked.

I expected some kind of witty and very Ki hyung-like comeback, but it never came. When I looked at him he was just staring at me with a blank expression, one I just couldn’t seem to read.

‘’Ki hyung…?’’ I said. He didn’t respond. Slightly worried and confused I waved my hand in front him. This seemed to work as he suddenly looked me in the eye.

‘’Sorry, I spaced out. Anyways, I just came to check up on you but you seemed so focussed on your work that I didn’t want to disturb you’’ He said.

He sounded very serious which honestly made me slightly uncomfortable. It was very unlike Ki-hyung to be so serious. Normally we’d just joke around a lot when it was just the two of us. 

Writing it off as him being tired, I gave him a nod and moved away from him to pack my remaining items. We made some small talk while I was busy shoving everything in my bag. Looking around the room I saw that the members forgot to pack some of their stuff. Before I could move to get them, Ki hyung was already picking up the stray belongings and putting them in a bag for me. 

After he was done he gave the bag to me. Thanking him for helping me, we turned off the lights in the room and made our way to the entrance. We continued our small talk until we arrived.

‘’Thank you hyung, for helping out’’ I thanked him once more.

‘’Anything for my little Jisungie!’’ he yelled out while ruffling my hair.

‘’Hyung! You’re messing up my hair!’’ I yelled back, trying to look as mad as I possibly could.

Ki hyung didn’t seem impressed by my act and continued to mess up my hair while he laughed his ass off.  
His laugh was so contagious that I couldn’t keep up the act for long. After laughing for what felt like ages we calmed down. Wiping the tears off my face I looked up at Ki hyung. 

‘’I haven’t had such a great laugh in a long time hyung, thanks’’ I croaked out, my voice slightly hoarse from laughing so hard.

Ki-hyung gave a satisfied nod, looking very pleased to have been the cause of a major laughing-fit. Out of nowhere I got the urge to hug the guy, so I did. I could feel him tense for a bit before he relaxed and hugged me back. After pulling away I saw that he was staring blankly at me again. Seeing as it was the second time this night I grew a bit worried. Today wasn’t the first time it had happened either.

‘’Hyung, I think you work too much. You have been acting kind of strange lately. Are you tired?’’ I cautiously asked him.

He shook his head and gave me a small…..smile? grin? I couldn’t really place it. 

‘’I’m fine, really. Just like you said, I’m just a little tired. Nothing a good night of sleep can’t fix’’ He assured me.

‘’Okay, Hyung. Just don’t overwork yourself? We wouldn’t want our great mister security guard falling ill now do we?’’ I joked

He grinned at me and gave me a little wink before he shoo-ed me out of the building. As I started descending the stairs I turned back to wave at Ki-Hyung who was standing inside behind the big glass door. I chuckled and turned back around to head down the stairs thus leaving the JYP building and Ki-Hyung behind me.

 

It was cold outside, which wasn’t a surprise seeing it was already December. I buried myself deep into my oversized coat to hold on to as much warmth as I could. Because there were no busses going anymore, It would take me almost twenty minutes to get back to the dorm and with temperatures like these that would mean that I would probably be a popsicle by the time I got back. Longing for my warm and comfy bed, I started to make my way across the parking lot to the street.

All of a sudden I heard car doors open, which I found odd to say the least. The parking lot was right in front of the main entrance of the JYP building and closed off by an electrical gate, which meant that only employees had access. Seeing as it was already well after two in the morning, there shouldn’t have been anybody here. 

Before I could even fully turn around to find the source of the sound, I got slammed into the ground. Feeling confused and with my body hurting from being tackled I tried to push myself up. 

‘’Ah ah, not so fast cutie.’’ 

A hand landed on my shoulder and someone turned me on my back. I had no time to react as the man who had turned me over moved to sit on top off me, his legs spread out encaging me between them. Feeling fear creeping up on me and the adrenaline rushing through my body, I screamed for help as loud as I could while trying to push the man away. The man was big. Even in the dimly lit parking lot I could see how muscular he was. 

Continuing my struggle, the man grabbed my hair and yanked my head up. I desperately tried to peel his hand off as tears started to well up in my eyes. Pain shot through my head as he violently slammed it into the ground. 

‘’You really are a feisty one aren’t you?’’ The man on top of me spoke, seemingly amused.

His voice was deep and sent shivers down my spine. 

‘’Yah Jaeho! Don’t just stand there! Help me out a little bit will you?’’ The man yelled.

It was only then that I noticed the other guy standing next to us. A tall but very slim guy made his way over. He got down and grabbed both my wrists with such a strong grip that they started to hurt right away. I once again attempted to struggle free but I was no match for these men. The tall guy managed to get my hands above my head where he held them firm in place. Feeling helpless and frustrated, tears made their way down my face.

The man on top of me smirked as his hand inched closed to my face. Scared and not knowing what he planned on doing I turned my head away from his hand. Suddenly I felt a hand wrap around my neck and it became hard to breath.

‘’YOU WILL NOT TURN AWAY FROM ME UNLESS I F*CKING TELL YOU TO!’’ The man suddenly burst out.

I looked back up at the man as I struggled to breath. Unable to use my hands, I couldn’t even try to pry his hands off my neck.

_I’m scared…_

‘’p-p-please….. I’m s-….sorry’’ I whispered. It became clear to me that this man would have no trouble killing me if he wanted to and I knew that I was screwed.

As if nothing had happened, he smiled at me and released his grip from my neck. While I was still gasping for air which I had been deprived of, the man leaned forward and licked a tear from my face. 

My breathing hitched and I felt the blood drain out of my face.

‘’That’s a good little boy. I think I really like you Jisungie’’ The man chuckled as he pushed some hair out of my face. 

_How does this man know my name?_

I felt his hand slowly moving from my face to my waist, giving a little squeeze before making his way down to my thigh. I was horrified. Absolutely horrified. This man sitting on top off me looked like the devil himself and there was nothing I could do to stop him from placing his hands all over my body.

The only thing I could think of was to yell. Just yell… And so I did. I desperately yelled hoping someone would hear me. I couldn’t care less about who, just anybody.  
I got slapped in the face. 

Loud ringing filled my ears and the taste of blood spread in my mouth. My eyes widened in shock.

‘’You look really cute when you’re scared. Like a deer caught in the headlights you know? It kinda turns me on’’ The man whispered. Before I could react, the man traced his tongue along my bleeding lip. Then I felt a pair of lips on my own. It was just brief, but it made me feel sick nonetheless.

‘’Hey, I’m all in for fun and games but can we hurry this up? You will have more than enough time to play around later. I’m freezing here,’’ the tall guy growled.

The man let out a sigh as he pulled away from me, digging his fingers deeper into my thighs.

My mind was going a million miles an hour as I tried to make sense of everything. 

Why was I here? Who were these guys? 

_Breathe, Jisung……. Breathe_

Coming to the conclusion that I only had a little time left before god knows what I wanted to scream again, but the man on top of me put a hand on my mouth before I could try. With his other hand he tried to pry some kind of bottle open.

I just gave up and let my body relax. No way in hell that I was going to get away. This was it. If was lucky was going to die here. The faces of the members flashed before me. Their innocent smiles, eyes sparkling with joy. Would they miss me if I were to die right here? Would they cry? I really didn't know. 

All of a sudden I saw movement from the corner of my eye. When I turned my eyes in the direction of the movement, I saw him. There, on the stairs which I had come down from just a few minutes ago, stood Ki-Hyung. 

A wave of relief came over me as we made eye contact. Even though it was brief, it made me feel assured. Expecting him to come over to get this perverted bastard and his friends away from me, I tried to scream and I attempted to get the big guy of me again. No matter what I tried, he still wouldn’t budge.

‘’Sweetie… as adorable it is to see you try to get away from me, it just isn’t going to work you know? You’re coming home with me and we will have a lot of fun together’’ The big guy whispered in my ear. His hot breath on my neck made me cringe once again. He seemed entertained as a sickly grin started to form on his face. 

_Wait….coming home with him?_

As his words started to sink in, I remembered Ki-Hyung and turned my head to the stairs. Why was he still standing there?! The fact that he still stood there made me anxious. Did he not see me after all? Was he on the phone with the police? Why wasn't he getting his ass over here?

As my mind kept looking for reasons as to why Ki-Hyung was still just standing there, we made eye-contact again and he smiled. Thinking my mind was playing tricks on me, I blinked a few times and refocussed on Ki-Hyung. There it was again, as clear as day. He was smiling at me. My eyes widened and I felt my heartbeat picking up. 

Ki-Hyung lifted his arm and waved at me. 

My world shattered.

The guys around started laughing. Very confused and slightly panicked I looked back at the big guy on top of me. He was waving back at Ki-Hyung. Thinking I had gone mad, my eyes darted back to Ki-Hyung. He made eye-contact with me again and put his arm back down. Then, he threw me a wink and slowly started to turn around. 

_Confusion._

He opened the door of the building and went in.

_Fear._

He locked the door, gave it a violent tug and walked further away.

_Panic._

I felt my body and mind becoming overcome with pure panic. How could he just walk away…..? What the hell was going on?

My whole world began to spin as I tried to make sense of the situation. My heart picked up its pace and It slowly became harder and harder to breath. I barely registered the guy on top of me moving and placing a kiss on my neck before he whispered in my ear.

‘’You know, my little kitty, you should be a bit more careful of whom to trust. You don’t seem to be very picky so you could say you brought this on yourself’’,

I got sucked back into reality when the hand on my mouth got replaced by a piece of fabric. The fabric smelled weird. Sweet but chemically at the same time. My eyes darted back up at the man hovering above me, just realising what he had just said.

_What does he mean, I trust the wrong people? How dare he say that I brought this onto myself?_

For some reason my head cleared up and the panic was gone. Anger. All I could feel was anger. The victorious and hungry look on the man’s face wasn’t helping either. Something in me just snapped. Gathering all the strength I had left in my body I started kicking and trashing in the man’s hold. 

He looked slightly surprised, but quickly relaxed and started laughing at my desperate attempt to free myself. 

‘’You’re adorable, really’’, He muttered. 

As I struggled, I felt my eyelids getting heavier and heavier. Realising that I stood no chance against this guy, let alone three, my eyes welled up. I had lost. There was nothing more I could do. Once again I rolled my head back to the side to look at the JYP building. The last thing I saw was Ki-Hyung sitting behind the reception desk with headphones on, grooving to some music. The tears were streaming down my face. 

Then everything went black. 


	2. Chapter 02

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _“Here I opened wide the door;— Darkness there, and nothing more.”_   
> ― Edgar Allan Poe, The Raven

Darkness.

I was surrounded by it.

There was nothing else but darkness and silence.

It was wrapped around me.

And like I was the centre of its gravity, it came closer and closer.

My eyes shot open, heart racing as I gasped for air. When I felt myself coming back to my senses, I looked around me. I was in a dimly lit room and all I could see was grey concrete. It was all around me. The room smelled weird, like moult and dust. 

As I tried to move, I noticed that I couldn’t freely move about. 

_Oh my god, this isn’t real….please, someone, tell me it’s not real!_

Around my ankle was a piece of metal with a chain connected to it. My eyes widened as I followed the chain. It was bolted to the wall I was seated against. Suddenly the air felt stuffy. My hands started shaking as I took short and shallow breaths. The walls seemed to close in on me the more desperate for air I got.

_Breathe Jisung, f*cking breathe…!_

Black spots started to cloud my vision. At this point, the room was spinning and it freaked me out even more. All the power I had in my body seeped away and I just couldn’t sit up anymore. My body flopped to the ground as my vision became black.

_It’s cold here….._

And just like that, I was gone again.

 

**{Chan}**

He wasn’t picking up his phone. No matter how many times I called, I directly got connected to his voicemail. It was already well past 02:00 and Jisung was not back yet. It wasn’t that unusual for him to be a little later than promised, but it just didn’t sit well with me. He had been working so damn hard the last few weeks and while practicing today he really looked like he could collapse on us any second.

‘’Stop that Chan,’’ Woojin said in a stern voice.

I looked up from my bedroom desk confused. Woojin seemed to notice my confusion and decided to elaborate.

‘’I’m on my bed here trying to relax but you have been spinning around on that chair for at least half an hour now. Plus, you’re biting your nails again,’’

I looked down at my hands and saw that he was correct. My carefully clipped nails were severely damaged. The sight of them made me cringe slightly.

‘’He’ll be fine Chan,’’ Woojin said, not looking up from his phone. ‘’He’s probably too focussed on what he’s doing and forgot about the time. It’s not like that would be a first. You know it happens all the time,’’

Woojin was right. Once Jisung was in some kind of ‘’flow’’, he had a tendency to forget everyone and everything around him. Still slightly unsettled, I stood up and made my way to the millennial-line’s room. I slightly cranked the door open and was met with darkness and the sound of slow, heavy breathing. From where I tood I had a clear view on Jisungie’s bed. To my dismay it was empty. I took a deep breath , closed the door as softly as I could and made my way back to my room. Woojin was tucked away in his bed, head buried under his blanket. 

_This guy… It still amazes me how fast he falls asleep…_

I tiptoed my way to my desk and turned on my laptop. It would be no use to try and sleep. Because one, Insomnia and two, I just knew I would be tossing and turning until Jisung got back, so I decided to finish working on some tracks. Before I knew it, I had my eyes closed. I slumped back into my chair to get more comfortable and felt my head getting heavier and heavier.

 

‘’CHAN, wake up!!,’’

Someone was shaking me. I felt my body hurting as I slightly moved and slowly opened my eyes. I was met with Woojin’s face barely a few centimetres from mine.

‘’What the…….!,’’ I groaned as I sat myself up. Seeing as I was still in the same place as last night, I apparently had fallen asleep in my chair.

As I struggled to get my eyes fully open, I focussed on Woojin. My heart dropped into my stomach when I saw his face. He looked upset. _Too_ upset.

‘’Chan…,’’ Woojin looked like he could start crying any second, his eyes darting across my face as if he was searching for something ‘’He isn’t here….’’

At this point I couldn’t get any more confused. 

_Who isn’t here?_

And then it hit me.

Jisung.

‘’What do you mean, he isn’t here?!’’, I said as I felt my heartbeat speeding up.

‘’Changbin woke me up a few minutes ago saying that Jisungie never came back last night. We tried calling him but he isn’t picking up any of the members calls’’, Woojin hastily spoke.

Woojin’s words settled in and panic ensued. 

I shot up, almost knocking down Woojin in the process. I sprinted to the living room where I was met with six young boys cramped together on the couch, each of them looking as anxious as Woojin had. I scanned their faces, but no Jisung. I felt my insides twist. Adrenaline rushed through my body as I scurried back to my room to get my phone. No missed calls or texts. 

Making my way back to the living room, I tried to call Jisungie again. Just like the night before, I got to hear his voicemail. 

‘’F*ck! Where is he?!,’’ I yelled. 

_This kid is going to be the dead of me_

‘’Hyung…….,’’ I heard Jeongin sniffling.

I looked at the members and the severity of the situation had apparently sunk in by them too. Jeongin was curled up beside Hyunjin, Minho was staring at the floor, Changbin and Felix were playing with their hands, Woojin was pacing around the room and Seungmin was just staring out of the window with a dazed look on his face.

‘’I’m sorry….. I shouldn’t have yelled like that….’’, I muttered. I had never really yelled at my members but Jisungie not being here really scared me. Ever since we had formed 3RACHA many years ago, and Jisungie being the youngest of us at that time, he really felt like a little brother to me. 

Feeling the weight of my phone in my hands, I got pulled back into the present. Jisung would always call if something came up. The fact that hadn’t called and wasn’t here meant that something was not right. 

‘’What do we do? Should we wait or call the manager or something…..,?’’ Minho said.

‘’Maybe we can call Ki-Hyung first? He was doing the night shift. Maybe Jisung is with him?,’’ Woojin voiced.

_Ah….I didn’t even think of that….. I just could have done that last night!_

Feeling a little dumb and a spark of hope, I went through my contacts and found Ki-Hyung’s number. I pressed call and brought the phone to my ear.  
The ringing seemed to go on forever. The members looked at me impatiently as I waited for him to pick up his phone. After a minute I decided that he wasn’t going to pick up. I looked back at the members and shook my head. Their faces fell as they got the message.

‘’We should try again,’’ Seungmin said. ‘’Maybe he couldn’t get to his phone on time,’’

I tried again, and again…….. and again, but to no avail. 

Then I got an idea.

‘’Guys, I’m going to head over to the company and look for him. I want you guys to stay here. I’ll call when I find him or you guys call me when he gets back himself,’’ I said loudly as I got back to my room to change clothes. I just put on whatever. At the moment I couldn’t care less about my appearance. The only thing I was interested in was finding Jisung.

Returning to the living room, the members looked at me and nodded in silence. 

‘’Make sure to go eat breakfast. Woojin, can you make sure they eat,?’’ I looked at Woojin. He nodded. I felt slightly guilty to ask Woojin to take care of them, seeing as I was the leader, but I could rely on him and right now I really needed his help. I asked Woojin to call the manager and fill him in about the situation. He nodded again and took his phone. Satisfied, I made my way to the door. 

I was almost out the door when Changbin and Minho ran up to me.

‘’Hyung wait! We’re coming with you,’’ Changbin said.

Feeling relieved by the idea that I wouldn’t be alone, I gladly accepted the two coming along with me. Worst case scenario, I would have to get an unconscious Jisungie to the hospital and being alone to handle it all would just be too unsettling. Being the leader didn't mean that I was invincible. I waited while Minho and Changbin put on their shoes before we made our way out of the apartment building.

 

**{Jisung}**

_I’m in a big field. I am running. There are flowers all around me. They are a beautiful shade of purple. I look around and see that I’m all alone in this massive field._

Suddenly there was a loud sound and I jolted awake. Slowly opening my eyes, a ray of light hit my eyes. Trying to focus on the light, I saw a shadow coming closer to me.

‘’Well, looks like our sleeping beauty decided to wake up…’’ 

I felt chills down my spine.

‘’Aaah, come on sweetie. I’ve been waiting to see those pretty eyes of yours again,’’ Someone chuckled. The voice sounded familiar, but I couldn’t figure out a face. 

I finally managed to focus and was met by a face smiling down on me. I could feel the blood draining out of my face as the guy crouched down right in front of me. He gripped my chin hard and forced me to look him in the eye. For some reason it wasn’t the force he used to turn my head that made me wince, but it was the feeling of his hand on my skin. It wasn’t until he wiped a tear of my face that I remembered.

Nausea hit me as the memory of this man’s lips on mine popped up. I felt the bile in my mouth and it didn’t take long until I threw up. The man let go of my face and pulled back fast, as if he had been stung by a bee.

While I was still trembling, the man’s fingers found their way through my dark blue hair and clamped themselves to the roots. A sharp pain on my scalp was followed by a big yank, causing me to cry out.

‘’What the f*ck is wrong with you?!,’’ The man bellowed in my face, leaving little droplets of saliva on my skin.

Tears streamed down my face as I fearfully looked the man in the face. My heart stopped as I met his eyes.

‘’Just because you’re cute doesn’t mean you can get away with almost ruining my god damn shoes you hear?!’’

The man’s voice was so loud that my ears started to ring. Seeing as the man looked like he would snap my neck any second now, I instinctively tried to make myself as small as possible. It didn’t seem to work as the man just smirked and crept closer to me.

_I’m scared…_

_This man is scary…_

‘’You remind me of a cute little animal right now. Like a squirrel or something,’’ The man whispered as he placed his hands on my cheeks. I was frozen. I couldn’t move. No matter how hard I tried, my mind didn’t work and my limbs didn’t feel like they were mine at all. Stress overwhelmed me and my eyes couldn’t focus. 

The man narrowed his eyes as he studied my face. He suddenly let me go and got back up with a heavy sigh. Feeling confused but mostly relieved, I breathed out. I hadn’t noticed that I had held it in. When I looked up at the man I suddenly saw his face change from a pained expression to an angry glare that pierced right through me. The next thing I knew, I felt a heavy blow to my ribs as the man used all his power to kick me.

I screamed as pain spread through my torso. The force knocked me into the wall behind me. My head connected with the concrete and I flopped down to the ground. Still dizzy, I tried to shield myself from the incoming blows. The more the man kicked, the angrier he seemed to get. Each kick to my ribs more painful than the one before. It wasn’t until the sound of something cracking could be heard that he stopped.

‘’Aissshhh, look what you made me do! I didn’t plan to hurt you but here we are!’’ The man said irritated.

The pain was terrible. Each breath I took hurt and I could feel my lungs burning. Frustrated and in pain, I felt the anger rise. My face was getting hot and tears welled up in my eyes again.

‘’Oh no, I didn’t mean to make you cry Jisungie,’’ The man said gently as he crouched down again.

I saw him going in for a hug, and I snapped.

‘’Don’t you f*cking touch me asshole!,’’ I managed to shout.

The man looked shocked. Taking advantage of his confusion and my sudden courage I continued.

‘’Why am I here, you sick f*ck?!’’ I puffed out.

It was silent. The only sound in the room being my heavy breathing. The man didn’t respond to me. He just continued to look at me like I suddenly grew a pair of horns on my head. Glaring at him, I saw his face lighten up. Then he just started laughing.

‘’That’s so adorable!’’ The man spurted out. 

All the confidence I had felt just vanished, like it hadn't even been there before. I realised that his man was crazy. No matter what I would say, he would just dismiss it as if I had never said anything at all.

Wiping the tears from his eyes, the man calmed down. He looked at me again and smirked.

‘’To be honest, you’re here because we needed money,’’ The man said. 

My mind sped up again.

_What?_

‘’We could have gotten anyone you know? But you stay behind the most so we just thought you would be the easiest to get,’’ The man confessed.

_What does he mean, anyone? Does he mean the other members?_

I felt panic spread as I imagined all kind of scenario’s. Reminded of the members, I suddenly felt sadness pierce my heart.

‘’Besides, I may or may not have convinced Jaeho to get you instead of someone else,’’ The man gave me a sickening wink as he said that.

Getting hit by the feeling that I was not going to get out of here unharmed, I just started sobbing. Tears made their way down my face like waterfalls and they just wouldn’t stop. 

_I want to go home._

_I don’t want to be here._

_I don’t want to be here with this man._

_I want to see the members._

Before I knew it, the man had me in an embrace. I cried out as I struggled in his hold. As much as I tried, I got nowhere with my trashing. The man was just too strong.

‘’SSSHhhhh…..It’s okay sweetheart. I’m going to keep you safe until you can go back. I won’t hurt you anymore so please stop crying,’’ The man whispered. His hot breath on my neck made me feel incredibly dirty. 

_Gross._

I barely noticed his hands making his way down to the lower part of my back. I felt a jolt through my body as his hands made his way under my shirt. 

Danger. 

My mind screamed danger as all alarm-bells went off in my head.

I tried to wiggle out of his hold again, but his arms only tightened around me more. Feeling defeated already, I let my arms go limp and I stopped struggling as his hands explored my body.

_Just accept Jisung. Something or someone in this universe wants this to happen. Maybe I did something wrong in life and this is divine punishment._

He planted a wet kiss on my collarbone and made his way up to my jaw before suddenly pulling away.

‘’I would really love to stay here with you all day baby doll, but I have things to do so I have to leave now,’’ The man whispered in my ear.

He let me go and got up. Tears of relief made their way down my face.

_Thank god…_

‘’Don’t be sad little squirrel, I’ll come back later so don’t worry,’’ The man gently said as he made his way to the door. He gave me a smile and closed the door behind him when he left.

With the man gone, I felt the exhaustion crashing down on me. I pulled my legs up and wrapped my arms around them. My head automatically made its way down to rest my knees. Even though it still hurt, I felt like I could breathe a little normally again. I still didn’t fully understand the reason as to why I was here nor could I make anything of the man’s seemingly obsession with me. 

_I should have never stayed behind. I should have listened to Chan._

Chan.

The members.

_How long has it been since I’ve been here?!_

Thinking about the members, loneliness pierced my heart. Quiet sobs made their way out of me. 

It felt like the end of the world had started.


	3. Chapter 03

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we go...

**{Chan}**

Insecurity plagued me as I made my way to the company. I was the leader after all so I saw Jisung being missing as my failure. 

_I should have stayed with him… I could have dragged him back with us…_

But I knew that would have never been an option. If I had done that it would just have resulted in a tense discussion between me and Jisung. It wouldn’t have done our relationship any good. While lost in my thoughts, I hadn’t noticed that Changbin and Minho struggled to keep up with me.

‘’Hyung! Could you please slow down a bit? I get that you want to get there as fast as possible, and believe me when I say that we do too, but my legs just won’t go that fast,’’ I heard Minho complain.

Coming to a standstill, I turned around. Changbin looked like he was fine, but I could see that he was trying to keep his breathing steady. Minho on the other hand looked like he had just run a marathon as he was doubled over. In any other situation, the sight would have been funny, seeing as Minho was one of the best dancers of the group thus expecting his stamina to be the best. But to me nothing was funny right now.

‘’Minho is right, hyung. We’re all worried but taking it a bit slower won’t hurt a fly. We’re probably making this bigger than it is anyways,’’ Changbin chimed in.

He tried to smile, but I could see in his eyes that he didn’t really believe his own words either. I had been so stuck in my own thoughts that I didn’t even think about how the other members must be feeling right now. Especially Changbin and Minho. It wasn’t without reason that they had been the ones to be so adamant about joining me.

Changbin and Jisung had been close from the start. They both loved rapping and writing lyrics. Having a lot of common interest pulled them towards each other. Chan had been surprised at that. Their personalities were almost complete opposites. Besides that, Changbin could come off as intimidating upon first meeting, but apparently hadn’t to Jisung. The younger had just marched up to him and introduced himself with a big smile plastered on his face. They had become friends within the following two hours. 

Minho was an other case. On the outside he looked very charismatic but sweet. When you got to know the boy, you would find out that he was actually pretty playful, a side that seemed to come out only when Jisung was next to him. When Minho saw a chance to make a cruel joke, he completely went for it. For some reason, Minho rarely aimed his jokes at Jisung. Maybe Minho noticed from the beginning that Jisung could be pretty insecure and he didn’t want to fuel that. Minho’s and Jisung’s personalities were so vastly different but seemed to compliment each other’s, Minho often being a calming and steady presence to Jisung and Jisung being someone Minho could play around with and just let himself go.

Jisung just seemed to bring out the best in people. His cheerful personality gave him a glow that could comfort people. He made people forget all the negativity in the world. Sometimes Chan felt like Jisung was the sun in their group, holding everyone together as they all spun around. The members often joked about Jisung not being tidy or being awkward at times, but when they needed comforting they just orbited around Jisung. He would never complain or voice his feelings while taking care of others, to the point of it being a flaw.

‘’Hyung! Where are you going?!,’’ I heard a voice yelling.

Snapping out of my thoughts, I looked around. I saw that I had walked well past the entrance of the building. I quickly made my way back only to be met with the worried looks on Changbin and Minho’s faces. I decided not to respond to those looks and made my way to the entrance.

_Snap out of it! Now is not the time to space out. You’re making the others worried. I have to be the trustworthy one here._

We looked for Ki Hyung, but apparently he had already gone home. To be honest, it wasn’t surprising. His shift had ended a couple of hours ago so there wasn’t any reason for him to linger around. It did feel disappointing though. I had hoped that we would find Jisung with Ki-hyung. If he had it just would'e ended with a big scolding, a call to the members to let them know they found the missing boy and dragging his ass back to the dorm only to scold him some more. After that they would have hugged it out, eaten breakfast together and watched a move with all the members.

Unfortunately this wasn’t the case. The three of us searched the whole building hoping to find a trace of Jisung. We asked every employee we came across if they had seen the blue-haired boy but they all said they hadn’t.

‘’You guys go back first. I want to look one more time,’’ I said to Changbin and Minho as we sat on the steps of the building.

‘’You can’t be serious hyung. You said the exact same thing the last two times as well,’’ Minho deadpanned.

‘’I think we just have to head back to the dorm hyung. He clearly isn’t here,’’ Changbin muttered.

Deep down I knew they were right, but something in me just didn’t want to accept the truth. Even though we had searched the whole building three times now, it still felt like we hadn’t searched enough.

Very frustrated, I ran my hands through my hair. I had never felt this powerless in my life before. Maybe with the exception of Minho and Felix’s elimination, but other than that, never.

My phone started ringing. I pulled it out of my pocket hastily and checked the caller. It was Woojin. Feeling another spark of hope I picked up the phone.

‘’Hyung! Is he back yet?,’’ I tried to say as composed as I could.

_‘’No Chan, but the manager is here. He wants you guys to back to the dorm as soon as possible,’’_ Woojin said over the phone.

‘’Okay, we’ll head back right away,’’ I said.

I hung up the phone and stuffed it back into my pocket. Relaying Woojin’s message to Changbin and Minho I pulled them from the stairs to make our way back. At this point all three of us were running. No complains about being too fast or too slow. Just the sound of our steady steps on the pavement.

 

**{Jisung}**

I was thirsty. So thirsty. And cold. I didn't think I had never felt so cold in my life before. It was like my bones were made of ice. Moving hurt. Not just because it felt like I was in a freezer, but also because of the bruises on my body.

After the guy had left, I had drifted between sleep and consciousness. I had felt so tired after everything and I had just wanted to let sleep take me but the pain in my ribs had prevented me from that.

I had been alone for hours now. At least, that was what I thought. There was no way for me to tell the time, but it felt like an accurate estimation.   
Being all alone caused my mind to go into overdrive. I thought about the members. I really envied them at the moment. They were probably together in the dorm. They had each other and they were free to move.

As a kid, I had been very introverted. I had found it difficult to open up to others which meant that I didn’t have a lot of friend growing up. I didn’t see this as a bad thing, but seeing others with big groups of friends made me feel like I was different. The feeling of belonging often missing.That feeling had morphed into doubting my capabilities as I got older. I struggled to get decent grades, I had no real good friends and I liked staying at home the most. Feeling worthless became part of my daily world.

Just as I had thought I should just leave this earth, I got accepted as a trainee at JYP. My world changed drastically. I got a lot of compliments, no matter what I was doing. Other trainees often voicing out that they looked up to me, saying that I was a great rapper, good producer, that I could write touching lyrics and that I was making great improvement in dancing.

For the first time in years, I had felt happy. I now belonged. I was skilled. I wasn’t worthless anymore.

Being picked by Chan to be a part of Stray Kids had made me cry from happiness. The other guys that Chan picked were the best people I had ever met. They were all kind and very skilled. Now that we had debuted, my world was complete.

I remembered where I was and I shivered once again after registering how cold I was. For some reason I was just wearing shorts and a very thin, oversized t-shirt which slid off my shoulder every time I moved. Someone must have had changed my clothes while I was out. That thought really creeped me out.

I looked down to my ankle. The skin was an angry red and looked very irritated. The metal dug into my skin whenever I tried to move around. Further up my legs were bruises. I didn’t even know how those got there, but I wasn’t surprised. I had always bruised up easily. I had once tripped during dance practise, landing on my side. The next day my whole left hip had turned black and blue, worrying the members.

While lost in thoughts about that day, I was staring blankly at my shorts. Suddenly I saw a bruise peep out from under my shorts. I rolled them up, only to be met by a horrendous sight. There, on both my thighs, were bruises in the form of handprints.

_How did those get there?_

Slightly panicked, I searched my memory for answers.

Just as the previous events started replaying in my mind, the door slammed open. I let out a shriek as I was startled by the sudden movement.   
The light was too bright. My eyes hurt looking at it. The door slammed close and it was dark again. This time I couldn’t make out shapes. It felt like my eyes were in shock from the sudden exposure to light before. I felt fear engulf me. I couldn’t see anything.

‘’I-i-is any-….. is anyone th-there…?,’’ I managed to whisper.

The sound of my own voice shocked me. It sounded like someone had used sandpaper on my vocal-chords. Just as I thought I had already gone crazy because no one answered, a little lightbulb on the ceiling flickered on.

For the second time I gave a little shriek. The man was standing just a meter away from me.

‘’Don’t be scared little one. It’s just me, your handsome Jiwoon,’’ The big man said sing-songy. 

_Your Jiwoon…_

_Your?!_

I was horrified by his choice of words. This man was crazy. Insane even.

Then it clicked.

_Jiwoon…_

_His name is Jiwoon._

Feeling victorious by his slip-up and telling me his name, a smile crept up on my face. At least I now had a piece of information about him. It may not have been much, maybe not even really relevant, but it made me feel like everything was going to be okay in the end. My little piece of happiness was short-lived as Jiwoon spoke up.

‘’I’m glad that you are happy to see me sweetie. I’m really happy to see you too.’’

Jiwoon took a step closer to where I was sat on the floor and took off his jacket. Before I knew it he had a tight grip on my wrists. My guts twisted as I looked up and met his eyes.  
There was a kind of spark in his eyes, but not the good kind. It was dark, twisted and wicked. He reminded me of an animal zoning in on his pray. In this case, me. 

I realised that something horrible was about to happen. The adrenaline rushed through my body. Panic caused my breathing to become shallow. It felt like my heart was going to beat right out of my chest as Jiwoon placed a kiss on my lips. I shut my eyes as Jiwoon became more aggressive.

There was nowhere for me to go. I was stuck between the wall and Jiwoon. Despite Jiwoon being almost twice as large as me, I gathered all the strength in my body and tried kicking him. I was met with a disapproving growl and a sharp pain surging through my bottom lip.

I gasped and all of a sudden Jiwoon’s tongue was in my mouth. The mix of the taste of cigarettes and something metallic made me nauseous. 

My lungs were on fire. Breathing was hard as Jiwoon explored my mouth with his tongue. Finally, after what seemed like hours to me, he pulled away, allowing me to take a deep breath.

‘’You taste even sweeter than I had expected Jisungie,’’ Jiwoon panted as he started fiddling with the belt around his jeans.

It took me a few seconds to realise what he was doing. My eyes widened and my hands started to shake again. 

_This is a nightmare…. It must be._

_These kind of things only happen in movies._

‘’You don’t have to look that scared angel. We’re going to have a lot of fun together,’’ Jiwoon spoke as he stood up to open the zipper of his jeans.

In my head, that was my que to act. I pulled back my leg and gave him a blow to the knee, using as much force as I possibly could.

He let out a pained scream as he doubled over and held his knee.

_Now Jisung!_

I jumped up as fast as I could and dashed to the door. I only got to take a few steps before something painfully tugged my ankle back. Combined with the force I was running with, it caused me to crash into the ground. My head collided with the cold concrete and I could feel something wet and warm making its way down my temple.

‘’You are really getting on my nerves you know?!,’’ Jiwoon barked from somewhere behind me.

I turned on my back so that I could see what was the cause of the sudden tug. In my attempt to escape, I had totally forgotten about the chain that was connected to my ankle.

‘’I-i-….Ple-e-ase….,’’ I begged as I looked up at Jiwoon.

Jiwoon had already gotten up and had stalked his way over to me. He looked so angry. With the adrenaline gone from the sudden crash, I could feel the fear creep up on me.

‘’If you could just listen to me we can have a good time together,’’ Jiwoon spat out as he came to a standstill. ‘’You’re not leaving Jisungie’’

With that said, Jiwoon took a hold of my ankles and yanked me to him. My shirt rode up and the skin on my back scraped across the concrete floor. I cried out as Jiwoon struggled to remove my shorts. His hands were everywhere, tugging at my clothes. The more I tried to resist, the more aggressive he got. It was only after a few punches that I stopped trying to get him off me.

Tears made their way down my face as he got rid of his clothes as I was pinned down under him.

I felt ashamed as he left bite marks all over my naked body. I just wanted to die. Death seemed the best option to me now.

Without any warning, Jiwoon pushed inside me.

And my lungs seemed to stop working.

‘’God, you are so tight Jisungie,’’ Jiwoon moaned in my ear.

I felt my insides rip to shreds. The pain was too much to handle. I let out an agonizing scream as Jiwoon slowly pulled out and back in with force. 

It kept going on for what felt like ages, a piece of me dying every second. He kept calling me names, moaning and telling me how good it felt. To him I was just a toy. He didn’t care about how I was feeling, only getting rougher the more time passed.

Bruises, scratches, blood. My body became a depiction of a cruel act. Everything hurt. I never knew that something could hurt this much.

No matter how many times I softly begged him to stop, he didn’t listen.

It was difficult to stay conscious. Not that I wanted to, but for some reason my brain desperately tried to keep me awake throughout it all. When he placed his hands around my neck as the thrusts became faster and more erratic, my vision got corrupted by black spots and little stars.

Jiwoon let out a loud moan and his grip on my neck became so tight that air couldn’t reach my lungs. I barely registered Jiwoon pulling out of me and a warm liquid streaming down my inner thighs before I got lulled into sweet darkness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (ಥ﹏ಥ)


	4. Chapter 04

**{Chan}**

I woke up tired and feeling like my body was broken. Jisungie was still not found and going to sleep without him here proved to be an almost impossible task yesterday.  
When we had returned to the dorm after our search at the company we were met with a very angry manager. He was definitely not happy with Jisungie’s sudden disappearance and he had made sure to let us know. 

I rubbed my temples as the headache was still not gone. The manager’s yelling had left quite an impression on all of us, but because I was the leader he turned the blame to me. It had made me feel even worse than before. I already knew that it was my fault, but hearing someone else telling me that had really hurt. 

‘’What do you think you’re doing, Bang Chan! You are the one responsible for the members yet you don’t even know anything! Maybe the company made a wrong choice letting YOU form and be the leader of this group…,’’ He had yelled. His words had stung. And deep down it had felt like he was right. 

I heard a knock on my door. Pulling myself out of bed, I made my way to the door. Before I could open up, it swung open and revealed Changbin standing on the other side. 

‘’Good morning Hyung,’’ Changbin almost inaudibly whispered. 

He motioned for me to follow him to the living room. Slightly confused, I threw on a sweater and strolled after him. 

I did not expect our living room to be occupied by strangers this early in the morning. A couple of the members were there, but it was the two police agents that cached my eye . They seemed to be having a conversation with the manager. I looked at Changbin, confusion written all over my face. 

‘’Hyunjin and Jeongin woke up around an hour ago and they just couldn’t stand waiting anymore so they wanted to wake you up but I caught them just in time to stop them from barging into your room,’’ Changbin rambled. 

‘’Yeah, you looked really tired yesterday and we thought you could really use some sleep after everything that happened,’’ Woojin added, suddenly appearing on my left. 

It was touching, really, but I felt guilty for taking the time to rest while Jisungie was god knows where. 

I took a quick glance at the police. They were writing something down as the manager was talking. 

‘’We decided to call the police and file a missing-persons report. It has been more than 24 hours since we saw Jisung. This is not something we can fix by ourselves…,’’ Changbin’s voice had gotten softer and softer the more he spoke. 

I was overwhelmed by everything. My knees started to feel like pudding and I moved to sit on the couch. Now that the police was here, it was time to really acknowledge the problem. I was well aware that running away was not going to solve anything, but it sure did make things a lot easier. 

‘’I’m really sorry,’’ I spoke up after a few moments of silence. 

‘’What are you apologizing for?,’’ Hyunjin asked me, looking very confused. 

‘’I should have paid more attention. I should have taken him with us even if he didn’t want to. I really f*cked up as the leader,’’ I whispered the last part like I was talking to myself more so then to the members. 

I was met with silence. It was the most excruciating silence I had ever encountered. The headache became worse and I rubbed my temples again. I felt like trash. 

‘’Hyung, are you serious?!,’’ Felix shrieked. 

Using all my courage, I dared to look at the members’ faces. I was met with disgruntled looks. 

‘’You shouldn’t blame yourself Chan. You know damn well its not your fault,’’ Woojin said sternly. 

My head knew Woojin was right but my heart told me differently. I gave the members a small smile and they seemed to relax. 

‘’Bang Chan, the police wants to talk to you,’’ The manager called out. 

I let out a sigh as I got up from the couch, making my way over to the two men in uniform. 

Thirty minutes later the police were finally done with asking me questions. I returned to the living room and Changbin told me that the manager had left for a while to take care of some business and to report back to the company about the situation. Woojin had taken the liberty to wake up all the other members and inform them about this mornings’ events. They were currently curled up on the couch, just like yesterday morning. 

It was Minho who spoke up first after I had sat down as well. 

‘’So, what did they say?,’’ I could hear the strain in his voice. It sounded like he was really trying his best to stay calm. 

I was not ready to tell them what the police told me but I knew I had to. This was part of being the leader. 

‘’They told me that they will start looking into it immediately. Apparently they had a colleague check the security cameras in and around the company the minute after you guys called them. The good news is that the CCTV showed Jisung still being in the practise room at about 02:00. Shortly after that he was seen shutting his laptop off. The bad news is that all security cameras malfunctioned right after that so they don’t know what happened…,’’ I managed to tell the members. 

I checked the members’ reactions and they looked troubled. I felt the same way, especially about the camera's malfunctioning. It did seem oddly inconvenient for us. 

The guys didn’t say anything so I took the chance to continue. 

‘’We have to be prepared for every possible situation. They’ll call me sometime today to keep us up-to-date about the investigation,’’ 

And there was silence again. These silences were going to be the death of me. They were suffocating and uncomfortable. 

‘’Channie Hyung…,’’ I heard someone sniffling. 

Jeongin. 

I did not dare to look up. Seeing the maknae cry would break my heart and right now I could really not handle that. 

‘’Hyung….. what if… what if someone took Sunggie Hyung…?,’’ Jeongin muttered. 

I could feel everyone in the room freeze over. 

To be honest, I had thought about that yesterday morning as well. I did not want to bring up my suspicions to the other members. Voicing those suspicions would’ve only made them more worried. 

A water bottle went flying to the other side of the room as I saw that Minho was losing his cool. 

‘’That’s insane! You’re insane! He’s probably fine and you guys just have to go make a whole scene about it!,’’ Minho shouted. 

Before we could react, Minho had stormed off to his room and shut the door with a loud bang. 

A memory popped up in my mind. 

We had been on our way to MBC to record our performance. There had been a lot of people and it had taken us some time to gather in front of the reporters. I had arrived first together with Minho, Woojin and Jisung. As we had made our way to the reporters, a fanboy screamed Jisungie’s name. The voice was deep and loud, which made me think that the ‘’fanboy’’ was well past his twenties, almost middle-aged. 

I had seen Jisungie’s body jerk as the man called his name. He had looked shocked, terrified even. After a few seconds I had seen him fake a little smile and he had tried to play his fear off. To any outsider it would have looked like Jisungie wasn’t really bothered by it, but I could see how intimidated he had felt by the deep voice. 

‘’I shouldn’t have said anything,’’ Jeongin struggled to say while he started chocking up. 

‘’You can say whatever you want Innie, Minho shouldn’t have reacted like that,’’ Seungmin gently spoke. 

I looked at the mess. This whole situation was just so f*cked up. Things had been going so well lately too and now it had all gone down the drain. 

‘’I hope to god that Minho is right though….,’’ Hyunjin said. 

‘’I hope so too Hyunjin. I hope so too,’’ I whispered. 

We sat in silence as we all got lost in our thoughts. The past 24 or so hours had been horrible and we just couldn’t process it. 

Little did I, WE, know that this was only the beginning. 

**{Jisung}**

I opened my eyes and immediately shut them again. My head was killing me. My body hurt everywhere. It was as if I had gotten hit by a truck. I opened my eyes again and tried to push myself up but my body started protesting as a sharp pain shot through my lower-back. 

This time the room was not dark anymore. The little light-bulb was still on and another little light in the corner to my right lit the place up a bit more. I could clearly see my surroundings. Not that there was much to see. The room was mostly empty with just a chair next to the wall and some crates next to the corner where the door was. 

I scanned my eyes over my body and I noticed that I had bandages wrapped around my left leg and the upper part of my left arm. I was wearing different clothes too. Sweatpants, which were almost too long for my legs, making the fabric bundle up around my ankles and a t-shirt with longer sleeves than the one before, but still oversized, hung around my upper body. 

There was something missing which had been there before. I hastily looked down at my ankle and I saw that I was no longer chained to the wall. 

Feeling a spark of hope, I used the wall to try and push myself up. I was almost standing up when my legs just gave out. It took too much energy which I didn’t seem to have. I tried a couple more times before I settled back on the floor. 

Tears streamed down my face before I even noticed it. 

I felt dirty. Just so incredibly dirty. 

What Jiwoon had done to me was too horrible to process. A quick glance at my wrist made me feel sick. Both my wrists had bruises in the form of fingers on them. They reminded me of Jiwoon’s strong grip and they seemed to burn as I stared at them. I could still feel his skin on mine and it sent an uncomfortable shiver down my spine. 

I pulled my legs to my chest as more horrendous images crossed my mind. I felt ashamed. In the end I just had let him do what he wanted. Even though he was way stronger than me, I should’ve fought more. Kicked him more, scream more, anything. I was pathetic. 

It made me angry. So, so angry. 

And miserable. 

How could someone do something so horrible? 

_Why me of all people?_

_Why not someone else?_

The whole world seemed unfair to me now. The world had dumped me into this hellhole and it was not fair. 

I had never felt so lonely in my life before. I craved the presence of the members more than ever. At this moment I didn’t care about how annoying they could be. They could come and annoy and make fun of me all they wanted. I wouldn’t complain. 

_I want to get out of here._

__

__

_I NEED to get out of here._

I decided that I would give standing up one more shot. It took all my power to get up and keep myself standing. I felt victorious when I finally managed to get up. Heavily panting, I kept myself up by leaning against the wall. 

When it felt like I got some energy back, I started moving. I was going way too slow for my liking, but there was no helping it. I kept close to the wall for support as I made my way around the room. There was really nothing that could give me any clue as to where I was, how long I had been here or how to get out of here. 

Giving up my exploration I made my way to a corner and slid down. 

_I wonder what the members are doing…_

Voices could be heard just outside the door. I jolted out of my thoughts as I sensed someone coming closer to the door. Like I had feared, the door got thrown open. Expecting it to be Jiwoon, I tried to get as much distance between the figure standing in the doorway and me. I curled up into the corner, wrapping my arms around me as if they could shield me from whatever was coming. 

‘’It’s just me. No need to be so overdramatic,’’ A voice said. 

Hearing that it was not Jiwoon but someone else, I lifted my head from my knees. The one standing in front of me was the tall lanky guy. It was the same guy who had held my arms down that night. 

His name was Jaeho or something? 

‘’I’ve brought some food. You haven’t eaten anything since you’ve been here,’’ He said. 

In contrary to Jiwoon, Jaeho’s voice was very monotone. It was as if he was a machine or something. He slowly put the plate with food and water down before he turned around to leave. 

‘’W…where a-a-am I…?,’’ I croaked out. 

No response. 

‘’How long have I-i… been here?,’’ 

Again, no response. 

My face grew hot as my temper flared up. It replaced my fear and I snapped. 

‘’Hey! I’m asking you a question!,’’ I yelled. 

He didn’t turn around as he spoke. 

‘’Almost two days,’’ he told be before he continued his way out. The door closed and I heard a lock turning. 

Wait what? 

Two days? 

Two f*cking days?! 

Time had moved way faster than I had thought. I expected that I had been here a few hours. This meant that I had been knock-out most of the time. 

Why was I still here if it had already been two days? Where was the police? They should have been able to have found me by now? 

_The members must have noticed I was gone, right?_

But what if they hadn’t…..? 

Or what if they just didn’t care…..? 

The sudden thought made my heart drop to my stomach. I knew it was a ridiculous thing to think but I started doubting more and more. I could feel my mind descending into darkness as the thought just kept repeating itself in my head. 

The members always played jokes on me. At first I could laugh about it but the more they did it, the more difficult it became to not take them seriously. 

_‘’My hobby is making Han disappear,’’_ Minho had said once. I had just joined in on his joke, but it had hurt a bit. 

_‘’I’m so thankful for spending the past 100 days with the members,’’_ I told the members. _‘’Not for us,’’_ Hyunjin had replied. _‘’That’s right! A round of applause,’’_ Woojin had chimed in. My heart had dropped to my stomach. I had faked a laugh. 

I could go on and on. Each ‘’joke’’ hurting more than the one before. It made me feel unwelcome at times. Each time I tried to laugh it off, but those words just kept swimming in my head at the moment. 

_‘’But tell us what you don’t like,’’_ I had asked. _‘’It would be your existence,’’_ Changbin had responded. 

Pang. 

Perfect score. 

I let out soft sobs as the loneliness took the best of me. I would kill to be anybody else right now. I just wanted to get home. 

At some point the tears had stopped. It was like a well that had dried up. My face was itchy and I could feel the salty stains irritating my face. I just blankly stared at the crack in the wall in front of me. I was empty. A comforting silence in my head and the tension in my muscles gone. 

I tried so swallow but I couldn’t. My mouth was too dry and I remembered the tray of food and water. I slowly crawled my way over to tray. Even though my ribs screamed at me to stop moving I kept going. It was like I had tried to swallow a pile of sand and the bottle of water seemed to almost give off a magical glow. 

Once I got a hold of the bottle, I had to try to keep myself from downing all its contents at once. This was the first time in two days that I had water and food available and god knows when, or if, I would be able to drink or eat again. 

The food didn’t look appetizing at all. It was just a bowl of rice and nothing else. I wasn’t hungry but I knew I would have to force it down. No eating meant no energy. The first bite almost made me throw up again. It was cold and way too overcooked. It didn’t help at all that Jiwoon kept popping up in my head all the time. 

After half a bowl I decided that I had done my best and called it quits. I took one more sip from the bottle before I crawled back to my corner. 

The corner made me feel a little bit safer. I had a good view on the door and no-one could sneak up on me from behind. Of course, all these things didn’t really matter. It was not like it could protect me from Jiwoon or anyone else, but it gave me a little bit of peace. 


	5. Chapter 05

**{Jisung}**

It had been days since a piece of me died. Jiwoon hadn’t really touched me after that. Nothing more than some gross kisses and inappropriate touching but no more than that. No matter how many times he did, I couldn’t get used to it. He still terrified me and just his presence was enough to sent chills down my spine. Every touch causing me to feel the fear building up.

Jaeho would come in to bring me food every day. He never really spoke but that didn’t matter because I didn’t feel like talking anyways. The one thing he would tell me was what day it was. I was sure that this was the only thing that kept me from going insane. There were no windows in the room so assumed I was in some kind of basement, meaning that I really couldn’t tell day and night apart.

Today I woke up feeling pretty okay. I had been sleeping on the cold concrete floor for five nights but Jiwoon had given me a blanket and an old pillow the night before. I had slept pretty decently. 

I pulled myself up so that I was sitting against the wall again. I wrapped my blanket tightly around me, not wanting to get separated from the one thing that gave me some comfort.  
As my whole being struggled to wake up, I swore that I could see a little red light blinking in the corner. Not thinking much of it I turned my attention to the door. I saw the same tray I had been seeing for almost a week now. 

I let out a sigh and made my way over to fetch it. Moving around was no problem anymore. It had turned out that my ribs were not broken, just heavily bruised.

With the tray in my hand I nestled back into my corner and mindlessly started chewing. It tasted like nothing yet I was sure it was a taste I would remember for the rest of my life. 

My eyes landed on my wrist as I lifted the spoon to take another bite. When I looked closely I could still see some faint discoloration. I frowned as I swallowed. I set down my food and started inspecting my body.

Most of the bruises had started fading or had faded completely, leaving behind gross spots in all kinds of different colours. There were some new ones though. 

One on my hip, where Jiwoon had gripped me too hard as he kissed me yesterday.

One on my cheek near my jaw, where Jiwoon had gripped my face too hard a few days ago.

The last bruise being on my thigh, where Jiwoon had gripped to keep me from kicking him as he had tried to change my clothes.

I mindlessly scratched my arm. It hurt a bit, but it made me feel better.

As time had passed I had given up on understanding exactly the reason for me being here or what they were planning on doing with me.

I had tried asking a million times but I was always met with silence so I had given up.

Getting out of here.

I had also started giving up on that.

 

**{Chan}**

Today was our first official day off after Jisungie’s disappearance. Even after so many days, the police had found no leads. They made sure to update us every day, but they never had any new information. 

Yesterday had been a horrible day. We had a performance scheduled at music bank and we couldn’t cancel it. It was by far the most difficult performance ever. We all struggled to perform knowing that something was really wrong with Jisungie. We had returned to the dorm completely exhausted. Just before we all wanted to go to sleep I had gotten a call from the police. 

‘’Good evening Mr. Chan,’’ 

‘’Good evening officer. Anything new?,’’ 

‘’………… It has been confirmed that foul play is involved in the case with Mr. Han. Hence, we’re now treating the situation as a probable kidnapping.’’ 

The officer had explained that forensics had analysed the practise room Jisungie was last seen in and the whole parking lot. In the parking lot they had found faint skid-marks from a vehicle and a little drop of dried blood. They had ran a test comparing the sample to Jisungie’s mothers blood. It had turned out that the dried droplet of blood in the parking lot had indeed belonged to Jisungie. 

Our maknae and the little voice in my head had been right from the beginning. 

That evening we all had hurdled up on the couch together as we cried. It had taken all my power to get up, get myself together and get the members to bed. 

So here I was on our day off. I got most of the members out of bed and absentmindedly made them breakfast. We ate in front of the tv, no one wanting to discuss what happened yesterday. The members looked tired, especially Changbin. He wasn’t the type to speak up about his thoughts and feelings. He’d rather make sure that everyone else felt supported. But I knew. I knew that he was not taking this well at all. 

‘’Well, at least Chan’s kitchen is still operating,’’ Someone spat out. 

I turned to the hallway and saw Minho. I had woken him up earlier but he had refused to get out of bed. 

‘’Looks like you guys are having a great time,’’ He deadpanned. 

His voice was laced with venom and if looks could kill... 

‘’YA! What is your problem?!,’’ Hyunjin yelled. 

The air became tense immidiately. I saw the other members looking at me nervously as Hyunjin got up and he and Minho took a step closer to each other. 

‘’What is my problem?! Are you seriously asking me that?,’’ Minho barked. 

‘’Yes, I’m dead serious,’’ Hyunjin hissed back. 

‘’Well, my f*cking problem is that Jisung is gone and you guys are just sitting around like you don't care at all!,’’ Minho yelled. 

Everyone was shocked. Minho couldn’t possibly mean that…. Everyone felt devastated but we all knew that moping around wasn’t going to do anyone any good. 

‘’Excuse me?,’’ Hyunjin voiced. 

‘’You heard me! You guys are just pretending like nothing is wrong. For all we know Jisung is dead, stuck in human trafficking or even worse, in the hands of some really sick people who get turned on by-,’’ 

Minho got cut off as Hyunjin landed a punch in his face. 

Chaos erupted. In less than a second, Minho was pinned under Hyunjin who kept throwing punches at him, Jeongin was crying and Woojin, Changbin and I had sprung up to pry hyunjin off of Minho. 

‘’You take that f*cking back Lee Minho!,’’ Hyunjin roared while Changbin and I held him back. 

‘’I’m just stating the truth,’’ Minho spat out. 

‘’Okay both of you, knock it off! We all miss Jisung but we know that we can’t do anything about it at the moment so we might as well keep ourselves alive if we want to see Sung again,’’ I barked out. 

It became quiet and the two relaxed in our hold. 

‘’I get that you’re upset Minho, we all are, but that it doesn’t mean you can go and blame us for trying to not fall apart. That’s just wrong,’’ I muttered. 

Minho hung his head low and I saw his shoulders shaking. 

I knew Minho wasn’t the only one at fault so I turned to look at Hyunjin. ‘’And you should not have punched him like that. Violence is only met by violence and is in no circumstance the answer’’, I said to Hyunjin. 

Even though Hyunjin still looked very pissed, he gave me a little not and muttered an apology. 

And then came the quiet sobs. A few moments later, Minho collapsed on his knees and started crying. 

I was shocked by the sudden outburst of emotions. We had never seen Minho cry. At least, not like this. 

Seungmin was the first to move. He knelt down in front of Minho and wrapped him up in his arms. Not much later Felix and Jeongin followed. In no time, all the members had wrapped themselves up in a group-hug with Minho in the middle of it all. 

Too moved and sad by the sight of it, tears welled up in my eyes. A tug on my jeans was followed by hands dragging me into the hug. 

We stayed like that for minutes and then some, letting ourselves get comforted by each other’s warmth. 

**{Jisung}**

I was alone and bored. There was nothing here to make the time pass faster and it made me restless. The positive point was that I hadn’t seen Jiwoon or Jaeho yet today. 

I tried to come up with things to do while I paced around the room. I decided on counting the cracks in the wall. It was the same as I always did, but there was just really not anything else to do. 

I traced the walls with my fingers, feeling every little crack and bump. Being kept in such a dimly lit room all alone had sharpened my senses. 

I could hear it when Jiwoon would approach the room from meters away, I could smell it when and what they we’re eating, I could see the little insects crawling along the wall at the other side of the room… 

It was agonizing at times. Every little sound I picked up I was unable to ignore, driving me crazy. 

27\. 

27 cracks in the wall. 

11 really big ones and 16 small ones. 

Still the same as before. 

Letting out a sigh, I nestled back into the corner. I was busy counting the dots on the old blanket when I heard footsteps approach. I knew those footsteps and what they meant. 

Like a machine on autopilot, I quickly wrapped myself in the blanket and tried to disappear into the corner. 

Fear. 

The door slammed open and there was Jiwoon. Just the sight of him always managed to make me feel disgusted and dirty. I didn’t like it. 

‘’Good afternoon Jisungie!,’’ He beamed. 

I cringed as he my name rolled from his lips. It felt foul when he said it. 

I didn’t respond as I evaded looking at him. I didn’t want to. Every time I looked at him the image of him on top of me came up. It was burned into my eyes and I didn’t think that it would ever go away. 

‘’It’s not nice to ignore someone Jisungie,’’ Jiwoon said sweetly. 

I winced. I knew that I had made him angry. His sickly sweet tone let me know that I had f*cked up. 

He hastily made his way over to me and I tried to make myself even smaller than I already was. 

The blanket was ripped from me and Jiwoon pulled me up by my arm. His grip tightening as he tried to pull me away from the corner. 

‘’St..stop! Ple-ase! It really hurts!,’’ I whimpered. 

Jiwoon didn’t listen. He gave me a yank and I fell down in the middle of the room. My mind went blank. 

I was pulled back up by my waist and I violently got turned around. I was face to face with Jiwoon. I could see then anger in his eyes and I knew it wouldn’t just end with a punch or two. 

_This is bad. This is really bad…_

I started shaking as Jiwoon started to lean in. I was stuck in his grip so I couldn’t move away. His lips connected to mine. Fearing his anger, I didn’t struggle. I closed my eyes and hoped for it to be over quickly. 

Suddenly I was punched in my stomach. Jiwoon released his hold on me and I doubled over in pain. 

My head got pulled up by my hair as I tried to stay calm. 

‘’Sweetie, you know I don’t like it when you don’t say hello back,’’ Jiwoon said. 

I knew I should’ve set aside my pride the moment he walked into the door. This man was a maniac and I knew that I’d only survive this if I adhered to his rules. 

‘’I’m s-s-sorry,’’ I cried out. 

‘’Hmmm? I didn’t catch that,’’ He mocked. 

‘’I’m sorry… Hyung,’’ I whispered. 

A smile formed on Jiwoon’s face, seemingly satisfied by my reply. He let go of my hair and placed a kiss on my forehead before standing up again. 

He turned around and I could hear a sigh leave his lips. As quick as lightning, he spun back around and landed a kick to my side. I screamed out in pain as his foot connected to my flesh. 

Next, a punch in the face. I could feel the skin on my cheek split open. 

I fell on my back and before I could react Jiwoon was on top of me with his hands wrapped around my neck. The previous bruise there hadn’t healed yet so the light pressure was already enough to make me wince. 

He traced my jaw with his lips as tears rolled down my face. I was dazed. The previous punch to my head left my vision blurry and vague. 

His lips had made their way to mine and I instinctively bit him. He didn’t seem bothered by it. It only made him more aggressive as he deepened the kiss. Taking revenge for my earlier action, he bit my upper lip as I tried to move my head away. 

I let out a yelp and he disconnected his lips from mine. He looked down on me with a satisfied smirk and tightened his grip on my neck. 

I was out of it. I was struggling to breathe and my head felt like it was going to explode. 

Suddenly there was a white flash. 

I tried to focus my eyes but the flash had left my vision even blurrier than before, making it difficult to see. 

Jiwoon’s hands suddenly left my neck and air effortlessly filled my lungs again. 

‘’You look really hot Jisungie,’’ Jiwoon breathed out. 

I was confused. It was like my brain was on standby. 

‘’Red really is your colour, it goes well with your pale skin and dark blue hair,’’ Jiwoon said. 

He pulled me up by my shirt and put me with my back against the wall. His thumb traced my face as he tried to wipe my tears away. He pulled back his hand and I struggled to keep standing, using the wall as little support. 

‘’Smile little angel,’’ Jiwoon beamed. 

I lifted my head up and there was another flash. Feeling dizzy, my knees gave in and I slid to the floor. 

‘’You are really photogenic Jisungie,’’ Jiwoon beamed. 

And suddenly it clicked. 

He was taking pictures of me. 

I looked up at Jiwoon and I saw that he was holding a camera in his hands. 

_Why is he taking pictures of me?_

I curled myself up as I felt new tears forming in my eyes. 

I heard shuffling in the room before I was met with complete silence. Thinking that Jiwoon had left, I let the tears stream down as I let out a sob. 

‘’Say hi Jisungie,’’ 

My head shot up. I was convinced that Jiwoon had left but apparently he hadn’t. 

‘’You should really say something sweetie,’’ Jiwoon said. 

In his hands he was still holding a camera, just bigger than the other one. 

‘’W-w-what…..?,’’ I managed to croak out. 

Jiwoon let out a growl as he rolled his eyes. With the camera still in his hands he made his way over to me. 

I was pulled to my feet again and suddenly there was an hand all over me, tugging at my shirt. I tried to push him away fearing what may happen next. 

‘’Stop! Don’t touch me!,’’ I screamed out. 

I didn’t know where the sudden courage had come from but I welcomed it. 

A slap landed on my cheek. 

‘’What did you say to me?!,’’ Jiwoon barked. 

I knew that I had screwed up for the second time. 

‘’I-i-… I’m s-sorry…,’’ I whispered. 

Another slap and I slid back to the floor. 

‘’You never learn do you?!,’’ Jiwoon bellowed. 

‘’I’m sorry, Hyung,’’ I choked out. 

He crouched down and I winced as he ruffled my hair. 

‘’That’s my good little Jisungie. How about we have some fun like last time okay?,’’ Jiwoon said. 

I froze. 

A hand made its way up my shirt once again. A jolt went through my body as he placed his hand on the lower part of my back. 

He was still holding the camera in his other hand as he moved his hand from my back to my thigh. 

‘’Stop….please,’’ I stuttered. 

Jiwoon squeezed my thigh and I winced. 

‘’…Hyung!…. Please stop hyung,’’ I said. 

He smiled and pressed his body closer to mine. 

‘’You begging like that really turns me on Jisungie,’’ Jiwoon moaned. 

Panic took over as Jiwoon placed his hand on my waist and hooked his finger on the waistband of my pants. 

I looked at him and I saw that he was still pointing the camera to me. 

I was scared. 

He unhooked his finger and moved back a bit. 

‘’Now, I really want to play and have fun together like last time so say bye bye Jisungie! ,’’ Jiwoon said while pointing at the camera. 

My eyes widened as I figured out what was going on. But before I could react Jiwoon let out a loud laugh and I winced again. 

He put the camera away before moving closer to me again. A wicked smile formed on his lips as he saw my fear and confusion. 

‘’I think your friends are really going to like those pictures and that little video sweetie,’’ Jiwoon spoke. 

Before I could respond, I was on my back with Jiwoon on top of me. I heard the clinking of metal. I tried to move my legs as hands found their way to my thighs. 

A punch to my temple made me go limp. The room was spinning. 

Jiwoon pushed my legs apart as he moved closer to me. Without warning, I was met by excruciating pain for the second time since I got here. I screamed out but Jiwoon didn’t seem to notice. 

The more I screamed and tried to push him away, the rougher he got. I screamed and screamed and screamed, my voice getting even hoarser than before. 

‘’Shut…..up!,’’ Jiwoon moaned as he placed his hand on my mouth. 

It took forever for Jiwoon to get his release. Or at least, that’s what if felt like to me. 

Jiwoon let out a loud moan as he trusted into me one last time. He moved away and pulled up his pants. 

I was exhausted. 

Once he had dressed himself, he picked up the smaller camera again and made his way over to where I was lying on the ground. 

I just couldn’t move. My limbs weren’t listening to me. 

He pulled my shirt down so I was mostly covered. 

A flash. 

Another picture. 

He smiled and moved to get my blanket. 

‘’You’re a good boy Jisungie,’’ He whispered in my ear before draping the blanket over me. 

He ruffled my hair again, placed a kiss on my forehead and got back up. 

‘’You can shower later. Just sleep for now,’’ He spoke. 

_It sounds like someone is crying…_

_Who is crying?_

My vision was blurry and I didn’t see Jiwoon leave the room as my eyelids grew heavy and sleep took me somewhere else. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Why do I hurt myself like this?
> 
> The setting is as good as done, meaning the plot will speed up from this point on I guess...?


	6. Chapter 06

{Chan}

Another night had passed and no word of Jisung.

After the events of last evening, we all decided to sleep together in the living room. It was nice. It felt comforting to be surrounded by the members and for the first time in forever everyone seemed to sleep well.

Right now, we were all doing our own thing. Or at least trying to. I could tell that no one was able really focus on what they were doing. I couldn’t take it anymore and I decided that I had to take the members out of here to distract ourselves. 

‘’Okay everyone. Get your asses up and get moving,’’ I yelled out as I moved to the living room.

The members looked at me, confused. 

‘’We’re going out. We haven’t done anything else but work and worrying lately so lets go get some fresh air,’’ I explained.

There was doubt, I could feel it in the air and the lack of response. My idea wasn’t really welcomed until Jeongin spoke up.

‘’I’d really like that Hyung,’’ He said.

That was enough for the members to start moving. One by one they put down their stuff and moved towards the door. After making sure that everyone had put on their shoes and coats, I ushered everyone out and locked the door.

 

There we were, standing outside in the cold, looking at each other. I realised that I hadn’t thought of anything to do. Seungmin seemed to be able to read my mind as his eyes met mine.

‘’So, we can go to the park? Or karaoke?,’’ He asked.

After a little discussion, we settled on going to the arcade around the corner. The members didn’t seem that interested, but I could see them relax as soon as we walked in.

 

An hour later everyone was thoroughly enjoying themselves. They were joking around, teasing each other and most of all, there was laughter. Real laughter. I smiled as I watched the members. It had been so long since they had been this happy. I felt a little guilty thinking about Jisung, but I knew that this was the right thing to do for the members.

After eating some food, I decided to call it quits. I was the one paying for most of it after all and I could just hear my bank account crying every time I swiped my card.

The way back to the dorm was filled with joy. There were smiles all around. Jeongin and Felix were skipping ahead of us, Changbin was acting like a little kid clinging to Woojin and Minho, and Seungmin, Hyunjin and I strolled after them all with our arms linked. I was glad that we all could forget for a bit. It still hurt, being there without Jisung, but distraction worked miracles.

‘’The last one upstairs has to clean after dinner!,’’ Felix yelled out before sprinting towards our apartment building.

‘’YA! That’s cheating! You got a head start,’’ Changbin nagged before sprinting off.

‘’These kids…,’’ Seungmin shook his head.

The rest of the members had taken off in hopes of not having to do the dishes after diner. I slowly walked after them, enjoying the cold but fresh air. My headache had disappeared as soon as we had stepped out of the building and I was enjoying every moment of it.

After taking the elevator up, I was met by the members standing in front of our door. Confused as to why they hadn’t gone in, I made my way over.

‘’Why are you all standing around here? Let get inside,’’ I said.

Silence.

No one spoke a word as they just seemed to stare at our front door. I pushed their bodies aside to see what was going on.

My eyes widened at what I saw.

I felt a pang in my chest and my heart dropped to my stomach.

Now I got why the members seemed frozen in place.

There was a picture, stuck on the outside of our door with sticky-tape. 

_Jisungie._

He was leaning against a wall. Blood covered his cheek, lips and the side of his head. He wore a shirt that was way too big for his slim body, causing it to slip over his shoulder. His skin was littered in bruises. Old and new. Horrifying blotches of blue, yellow, green….. They looked like handprints. Around his neck, his jaw, his shoulder. It looked like he had lost weight. His cute cheeks no longer chubby and that was bad. Jisung always lost weight fast, mostly when he felt stressed. It was like his body would eat away itself whenever something was up with Jisung. And now I could see his collarbones sticking out more than usual. Looking closer at his collarbones, there were what seemed like bite-marks and more bruises.

His gaze was directed at the camera, or the person behind the camera, I couldn’t really tell. What I could tell was that he looked terrified. Everything on his face screamed terror and agony. His eyes were red and I could see the tears on his face.

The cold sweat started to drip down my back. Seeing Jisungie like that made me feel sick.

‘’Oh my God…..OH MY GOD!!!!,’’ Felix screamed.

As if that was their que, the members started to freak out, yelling all kinds of different things I couldn't decipher. 

I snatched the picture off the door and noticed that the door was ajar ever so slightly. Feeling the adrenaline in my body, I pushed open the door and stormed in. There was no sign of anyone there. Everything still seemed in place as there was no mess. The members stormed in after me and were all over the place. I heard a loud gasp coming from the living room and we all beelined to the living room. 

There, on our table, was a wrapped box with a big dark blue bow on it. It hadn't been there when we left. 

Suddenly I feared our safety. This box being here, in combination with our front door unlocked, meant that someone had broken in.

‘’Get on the couch and don’t move until I say so!,’’ I ordered the members.

They happily listened to my request, or command, as they piled up on the couch. Stress was evident on their faces.

''The hell is going on?,'' I heard Seungmin whisper as he rubbed his face.

Seeing them settled on the couch, I made a round trough the house. I checked every nook and cranny to make sure that whoever had been here was gone. Only after checking everything trice, I deemed it safe and joined the members in the living room. The rational part of my brain screamed at me to get out with the members and call the police, but all rationality flew out the door as curiosity and dread took over. 

We stared at the box on the table for what seemed like forever. I knew someone had to open it sooner or later so I took a deep breath and sat next to the table.  
The members looked at me anxiously and I slowly started to unwrap the box. My hands were shaking and everything in my body told me to just turn around and run.  
I managed to unwrap the box and slightly opened it. I could see there was nothing much in there. Just some paper and a little metal stick. I opened the box and took out its contents.

There were more pictures of Jisung. Two to be exact.

The first picture was even more horrifying than the one we had found stuck on our door. In the picture, Jisung was laying on the floor. There was a hand wrapped around his neck and his lips were parted as it looked like he was gasping for air. He looked dazed and confused, but mostly scared. Scared of the man taking the picture, the man who was squeezing his neck.

I could hear someone crying behind me but I was too out of it to register who. 

With my hands trembling, I moved to the next picture.

At first glance it looked like it was just a picture of Jisungie sleeping, but when I looked closer I saw that he wasn’t.

Jisungie was still laying on the floor, his eyes half open, only he had more bruises and blood on his face. His hair was more messed up than before. Letting my eyes scan the rest of the picture, I felt the blood drain out of my face.

Jisungie was not wearing any pants and his shirt just barely covered half of his thighs. Once again, I saw bruises everywhere. The most arteriosus ones being the ones on this thighs. I could tell that those were handprints, coloured a vivid blue and purple.

My mind became blank at what I saw next. The inside of Jisungie’s thighs were covered by blood and a white liquid. I felt nauseous. I wasn’t dumb so I knew what that meant.

I was just able to push myself up and get to the toilet before I threw up. My ears started ringing and my head was pounding.

This was really, really bad.

I felt a hand rubbing my back as I struggled to breathe, still hung over the toilet as the nausea kept lingering. I could feel the hand trembling, but it was comforting nonetheless. 

A strong pair of hands pulled me up.

‘’Drink some water Channie,’’ Woojin whispered, handing me a cup. 

I gladly accepted as my throat was on fire. I didn't know how long we sat there as I tried to stop myself from freaking out but Woojin didn't say anything as he just sat in front of me.

This was messed up. This was horrible and I felt like we had landed in some kind of really f*cked up horror movie.

‘’You good?,’’ Woojin asked.

Not having the strength to speak, I just nodded my head and with the help of Woojin I made my way back to the living room.

It was eerily quiet when I returned. My eyes met Changbin’s. He looked at me, but it looked like he wasn’t really seeing me. The same thing seemed to be going on with the rest of the members.

I wondered if they had seen the picture as well as me and if they had figured out what it meant.

‘’Hyung…. The USB,’’ Minho gritted.

The last thing in the package was a USB stick. I really didn’t want to see anything anymore today, or ever for that matter, but we had already gone down the rabbit hole by looking at those pictures and it probably couldn't get much worse anyway. It was now or never.

I slowly took the USB out of the box. The cold metal in my fingers sent a shiver down my spine. I took my laptop from under the table and plugged the USB in. Opening the folder, I saw it contained only one file. A video file to be exact.

I looked back at the members behind me. Tear stains marked their faces, but they motioned for me to go on. I felt a comforting squeeze on my shoulder and I took a deep breath. I clicked the file and the video started playing.

Jisungie came into screen the moment I pressed play. He was sitting, curled up against a wall, sobbing.

 _‘’Say hi Jisungie,’’_ A deep voice spoke.

Jisungie’s head shot up and his expression changed. He looked scared.

 _‘’You should really say something sweetie,’’_ the one behind the camera said.

I felt my guts twist at the nickname.

 _‘’W-w-what…..?,’’_ Jisungie croaked out. And god, it didn’t sound like him at all. His voice was hoarse and quiet, missing its usual playfulness.

The man let out what sounded like a deep growl and we saw Jisungie wince. The camera then moved closer.

A hand came into screen and the man tugged at Jisungie’s shirt. I felt my face grow hot as I got angry. The man was touching Jisungie all over while he tried to push him off. He looked so terrified. I had never seen him like that and it broke my heart.

 _‘’Stop! Don’t touch me!,’’_ Jisungie screamed out.

He got slapped on the cheek. I winced and the other members gasped at the display of violence. 

_‘’What did you say to me?!,’’_ The man barked.

Jisungie’s eyes got bigger and I could see him shrink.

 _‘’I-i-… I’m s-sorry…,’’_ I could hear Jisung whisper.

To our horror, another slap landed on Jisungie’s cheek.

 _‘’You never learn do you?!,’’_ The man bellowed. 

I felt sick. I wanted too look away. 

_‘’I’m sorry, Hyung,’’_ Jisungie said.

This was bad. This was really bad. My mind went a million miles an hour as the video kept playing in front of my eyes. The man ruffled Jisungie’s hair and I could see him wince again. Guilt creeped up on me. Even though I was safely in our dorm with the other members, the man still scared me. Jisungie was all alone in a room with this man, he must be terrified.

 _‘’That’s my good little Jisungie. How about we have some fun like last time okay?,’’_ The man said.

Jisungie froze, and so did I. 

The hand made its way up Jisungie’s shirt. I saw his body jolt as the man placed his hand on the lower part of his back. The hand then moved to Jisungie’s thigh.

 _‘’Stop….please,’’_ Jisungie whimpered. 

The man squeezed his thigh and fear laced Jisungie’s face.

 _‘’…Hyung!…. Please stop Hyung,’’_ Jisungie said.

The man didn’t seem to listen to Jisungie as he only moved closer to him.

 _‘’You begging like that really turns me on Jisungie,’’_ The man moaned. 

''Motherf*cker,'' 

Tears welled up in my eyes and a new wave of nausea hit me.

I knew where this was going and based on what the man had said before, this wasn’t the first time.

‘’I’m going to take a shower,’’ Jeongin whispered behind me as he got up and moved to the bathroom.

I had totally forgotten about the members. The were still seated behind me with shocked and disgusted expressions on their face.

I got pulled back to the video when I heard a little shriek.

The man had put his hand on Jisungie’s waist and hooked his finger on his shorts.

Jisungie looked up in the camera. I could see how scared he was as his whole body was shaking. He was crying so much that I couldn’t contain my own tears anymore.

Suddenly the man unhooked his finger and moved back a bit. 

Jisungie looked confused but relieved.

 _‘’Now, I really want to play and have fun together like last time so say bye bye to your friends Jisungie! ,’’_ The man said.

Jisungie’s eyes widened. It seemed he had connected the dots just like me. 

The man laughed loudly as he waved at Jisung. The latter started sobbing and he mumbled something. Before he could repeat himself, the video cut to black.

The video had ended just like that.

Suddenly exhausted, I leaned over and placed my head on the table. The members behind me were crying and Felix seemed to be struggling to breathe properly. 

_Jisungie…_

_What has he done to you…?_


	7. Chapter 07

{Jisung}

I was floating. I felt heavy and weightless at the same time, my limbs getting pulled down by gravity. It was black all around me. Suddenly I was surrounded by something cold and I was no longer floating. Hands on my body. The hands were taking my clothes off. My brain screamed danger but my body didn’t function. Everything just felt so heavy.

There was something warm surrounding me and my body relaxed. Feeling a bit of strength come back, I willed my eyes open.

I was met with a bright light right above me. For I split second I thought it was a camera, but that soon disappeared as the light just remained there. My eyes started adjusting and I could see where I was. 

I was in a bathroom. The room was too white and the light too bright for my eyes, making them hurt and giving me a headache. I was seated in a tub and a big showerhead was blasting warm water at me. Confusion spread through me at the sight of the unfamiliar room.

‘’Good, clean yourself up,’’ A voice to my left spoke.

I was startled by the sudden voice and my body jolted. I hadn’t noticed that there was someone else in the room with me. I turned to look at the voice and was met by Jaeho staring at me. It was uncomfortable to say the least.

‘’Everything is in the corner over there,’’ He said while pointing at the corner of the bathtub.

‘’You get ten minutes,’’ And with that he was gone.

I heard the door being locked from the outside. Only when I couldn’t hear his footsteps anymore I moved. I slid across the tub to submerge myself under the hot water coming from the shower. To me, it had felt like I hadn’t had a shower in ages, which was probably true.

I directed my face to the stream of water and let the warmth soak into my skin. A small smile made its way on my face as the feeling of bliss washed over me, ignoring the way the hot water stung as it made contact with my skin.

I opened my eyes and looked down at my body. I had to will myself not to throw up as the water going down the drain was a dark pink colour. Scanning my body I saw I was littered with new bruises.

Once again, I felt dirty.

Frantically, I reached towards the shampoo and started scrubbing my hair. After I was done I moved to my body. Loading my hand full of soap I hastily scrubbed myself. 

After washing I still felt dirty.

I decided that the water was probably not hot enough so I carefully pushed myself up a bit to turn up the heath. 

I scrubbed again until my skin was red. 

Still dirty. 

I scrubbed myself down three more times but the feeling just wasn’t going away. I let out a frustrated growl as I threw the soap against the wall. Until yesterday I had thought that things couldn’t get any worse, but here I was.

Jiwoon hadn’t been that violent before. He had never been so angry before. He had looked like a whole different person. Worse than before.

Looking back up at the light in an attempt to stop tears from falling down, the light suddenly flashed.

I remembered the camera. The flashes. Jiwoon smiling behind the camera.

_‘’Smile little angel,’’_

_‘’You are really photogenic Jisungie,’’_

My definition of cruel had gotten altered yesterday. 

_‘’I think your friends are really going to like those pictures and that little video sweetie,’’_

What had he meant by that? 

I wracked my brain and goosebumps filled my skin as it suddenly clicked. 

He was going to show the members. He was going to show those pictures. I didn’t want him too. I didn’t want them to see me like that. It was gross and pathetic. They would think I was contaminated. They wouldn’t want to go near me ever again.

I heard footsteps and the lock being unlocked. The door swung open and Jaeho stepped in. He looked at me but didn’t utter a word as he turned off the shower and threw me a towel. He threw some clothes on the floor next to me and left again.

Taking it as my que to get dressed I pulled myself up from where I was sitting. My body screamed for me to stop but I refused to listen. With a lot of effort I made it out. 

It hurt to dry myself off. Everywhere I put pressure it hurt. After a while I decided I was dry enough and changed into the new clothes. This time it was sports-shorts again and a big, dark red hoodie which, once again, was way too big for my body.

After I was done I looked back up and came face to face with myself in the mirror. What I saw shocked me. 

I looked horrible. My skin was way too pale. The dark circles under my eyes luckily not that noticeable but definitely there. There were cuts and bruises all over my forehead and cheeks. I pulled down the neck of the hoodie a bit. Almost my whole neck was covered in bruises in the form of handprints and fingers. Nausea hit me and I had to swallow my bile down. 

I couldn’t stand looking at myself anymore so I tore my gaze away from the mirror. I looked around and noticed that the bathroom was quite big and tidy. I was so lost in my observation that a hand on my shoulder scared me out of it. I turned around as fast as lightning. 

‘’Time’s up Cinderella. Move,’’ Jaeho spoke as he wrapped his hand around my upper arm and dragged me out of the bathroom. 

We stood in a small hallway. The floor was some kind of grey carpet and the walls were painted in a dark blue, giving me mixed feelings. Blue was, after red, one of my favourite colours but now I wasn’t so sure anymore.

Jaeho let got of my arm and pushed me in front of him. He motioned for me to just keep walking down the hallway. Coming to a stop at what seemed to be a dead end, Jaeho suddenly threw me into the wall, his arm pressing on my neck as he used all of his bodyweight to keep me against the wall.

‘’Stay there and don’t move! If you dare to even lift a finger you’re dead, got it?,’’ Jaeho hissed in my face.

Desperate to get him off of me I quickly nodded my head. He muttered something and moved away from me. I saw him turning to a door to his right. I noticed a simple lock on the door. Jaeho pulled out a key from his pocket and unlocked the door. He once again turned to me and motioned for me to go first.

It was dark, but the light of the hallway made it possible to see into the room. There was a small flight of stairs down with at the end another door with a lock. I came to a halt at the end of the stairs as the door behind me slammed shut and Jaeho made it down the stairs after me.

He moved in front of me while giving me a harsh stare. I got what he meant by that and not wanting to anger the man, I moved to stand at the wall as still as I possibly could. He gave me a satisfied nod and moved his attention to the door. He unlocked the door and threw it open. 

I recognized the room. 

My whole body screamed for me not to go in, that I should just run the other way. Jaeho noticed that I wasn’t planning on moving, so he made me.

Slightly irritated, he paced towards me and started dragging me into the room by the collar of my hoodie. I wanted to resist but I just didn’t have the strength or energy. 

Once Jaeho had fully pulled me into the room he gave me a violent tug and I landed harshly on the floor. A sharp pain in my knee informed me that I had scraped it.

While I was inspecting my knee, Jaeho had taken his leave. It wasn’t bleeding that bad, but it did hurt. I tried to use my shirt to get rid of some of the blood. It was barely working.

A weird sensation overcame me while I was trying to get my knee clean. The pain in my knee seemed to replace the pain everywhere else. For some reason, relieve spread through me as I felt my muscles relax. My heart calmed down and for a moment I felt like I was alive.

It was an odd sensation to say the least. I decided not to dwell on it any longer as I got up from the floor and moved back into my default position in the corner.

 

{Chan}

It was a hectic evening. After we all had calmed down a bit I had called the police. They told me to make sure nobody else would touch the pictures and that they’d be over as soon as possible.

Because we weren’t allowed to touch anything, the USB was still plugged into my laptop and the pictures were still just laying on the table. Even if I didn’t look at them, I could still see them. 

Jeongin had come out of the shower a little while ago and I could tell that he had been crying. His eyes were way too pinkish to be normal. Right now, he had retreated to his bed together with Seungmin. I felt bad for the members. They had been acting so brave in front of the others, but they were a mess. I figured that being around each other was essential to stay sane.

‘’Channie, go take a shower,’’ Woojin said while drying his hair as he crossed the living room.

I looked up and was met by a gentle smile. And right then and there, in that moment, he resembled an angel to me. Some kind of reincarnation of light itself. We were really blessed having Woojin, especially now. Especially me. Woojin had been such a pillar of strength these days that I started wondering why he wasn’t the leader. He would probably have handled things way better than me. 

I didn’t think we ever gave him enough credit. 

As if in a trance, I got up and walked over to Woojin. Once I was close enough I wrapped my arms around him, engulfing him in a hug. Woojin froze before easing up and hugging me back.

‘’Thank you Woojin,’’ I said softly.

Woojin kept silent, but I knew he had heard me as he tightened his arms around me. I suddenly noticed how tired I was and I closed my eyes, focussing on Woojin’s steady breathing. His warmth was comforting.

Deciding that I should go take a shower, I hesitantly let go of Woojin and took a step back. I let out a sigh as I ran my hand through my hair.

‘’It will be okay Chan,’’ Woojin whispered as he started pushing me towards the bathroom. He gave me a little shove and closed the door for me. 

‘’I’ll put some clothes outside the door,’’ Woojin yelled on the other side.

I undressed and stepped into the shower. I turned on the water and my muscles instantly started to relax. 

Closing my eyes, I let the warmth of the water soak into my skin.

 

{Changbin}

Minho and I had made it to the living room just in time to see Woojin and Chan in a tight embrace. From where we stood we could see the leaders face clearly. 

He looked tired and sad. 

I turned my head a bit to look at Minho. He didn’t look much better either. A pained expression was painted across his face as he intently watched the scene in front of him.

They hadn’t noticed us so we just stood there. It was only after Woojin had left Chan in the bathroom that we spoke up.

‘’How’s he doing?,’’ Minho asked Woojin as he made his way over to us.

‘’I’d like to say that he’s doing well, but we all know that that would be a lie,’’ Woojin muttered.

Chan wasn’t the type to rely on others. Sure, he wore his heart on his sleeve, but he was the type to figure things out himself. The fact that he had been relying on Woojin so much this week showed how difficult it has been for him.

Next to me, Minho let out a sigh as he rubbed his face.

‘’I’ll go and get some food from the convenience store,’’ Minho said as he moved to get his coat.

It was already well past eight in the evening and we hadn’t eaten in hours. No one had been really hungry this week, but we knew we had to eat.

Woojin gave an approving nod and continued towards his room to get clothes for Chan. I was now completely alone in the room. I didn’t know what to do with myself so I just stood there staring into nothingness. 

I was interrupted by a loud noise. Suddenly scared, for no rational reason, I dashed towards the kitchen. I was met by a very dazed-looking Felix. At his feet were hundreds of shards. 

Felix unfroze and turned towards me.

‘’It just slipped out of my hands…..sorry,’’ Felix whispered with his head hung low.

I moved towards him and inspected his hands. He had a small cut on his finger, but otherwise he was fine. 

‘’How about I clean this up and you ask Hyunjin to help with your finger okay? I have band-aids in my bag,’’ I said.

Felix gave a little nod, still not looking at me. I ruffled his hair and shoo-ed him off towards our bedroom.

Once I heard Felix and Hyunjin talking through the bedroom door, I started moving. I swept up the shards as much as possible and threw them away. I took a step back to see if there were more shards laying around that I might had missed. 

My head bumped into something and I had to bite my lip to prevent myself from cursing. I turned around as I rubbed my head and I saw that there was a cupboard open. Felix must have had taken a mug from there before he had dropped it. Before closing it my eyes fell on a specific item. 

A big mug with a drawing of an acorn on it. It was Jisung’s personal mug. Minho had given it to him for his birthday a few months ago. Jisung was addicted to hot cooco so it hadn’t been a surprise that he totally loved the present. He loved it so much that other members were absolutely forbidden from using it. Well, except for Jeongin because Jisung had claimed that he was his ‘precious child’, thus giving him rights to use Jisung’s stuff without having to ask.

Jisung only lent the other members his cup if they were feeling a bit down. Last time being Felix, who had cracked under the pressure he had put on himself in regards to getting the pronunciation for his rap right. Jisung had just showed up out of nowhere, his cup with hot coco in his hand, plopping down on the couch in the living room next to Felix before pushing the cup in his hand. It had been really adorable. Jisung was sometimes so child-like that it was just too endearing. 

The more I looked at it, the heavier my heart felt. I quickly closed the cupboard and decided to check up on Felix. 

As I entered the room I saw Hyunjin sitting on his bed with his back against the wall. Felix lay next to him with his head on Hyunjin’s leg. Jeongin and Seungmin were sitting on the floor next to Hyunjin’s bed, not saying anything. Hyunjin motioned for me to be quiet and pointed at Felix. I got the hint and quietly walked over.

‘’He just fell asleep,’’ Hyunjin said quietly. 

Felix was breathing slow but steady. 

We just sat there in silence until Minho came in saying we had to come eat something. We didn’t really want to wake up Felix but he had to eat as well. After Felix seemed somewhat awake, we got up and started to move towards the living room.

‘’Ehhmm, guys can’t we just eat in here?,’’ Hyunjin asked.

A little confused I kept moving to the living room.

‘’That would just make a mess so no?,’’ I responded as I got to the living room first.

But I had forgotten one thing. The pictures. I froze as I looked at them for the hundredth time this evening. 

‘’You know, let’s eat in our room,’’ I said as I turned back around. The members agreed and we headed back into our room.

 

{Chan}

I stepped out of the bathroom feeling somewhat refreshed. It surprised me how a good shower sometimes seemed to work miracles. I dried my hair as I moved around the dorm. It looked empty, but the voices coming from the big bedroom told me it was not. 

As I moved to the bedroom I walked past the table in the living room. Subconsciously I turned my head to look at the pictures. I cringed and fastened my pace.

I opened the door to the big bedroom and was met with an interesting sight. In the middle of the room, on the floor, were little blankets laid-out. What seemed like instant food took up the middle of the blankets as the members sat around it. Slightly confused, I kept my silence and went over to join the others. 

We ate in silence for the most part. The only topic of any short conversation was the food. After we were done eating we just looked at each other not knowing what to say.

‘’Hyung, when will the police be here?’’ Seungmin asked.

‘’I don’t know….. They said they’d come over as soon as possible,’’ I responded.

‘’But we called like an hour ago….They should have been here by now,’’ Jeongin quietly added.

‘’Well, it isn’t that big of an emergency,’’ I said.

It was quiet and then it wasn’t.

‘’How can you say that?!,’’ Minho yelled.

I looked at Minho, confused about his sudden outburst. I retraced my previous words in my head and quickly figured out where it went wrong.

‘’No no, that’s not what I meant! I meant to say that a few minutes probably isn’t going to do any harm,’’ I exclaimed. 

That seemed to calm Minho down but not completely as he mumbled something along the lines of 'Every minute is harming Jisung' before taking a sip of his drink.

I took a mental note to be more careful of what I say. Tension had been high here in the dorms and I knew that saying the wrong words would result in someone blowing up. That someone most likely being Minho. With his unexpected temper even the smallest things could make him go off right now.

The doorbell rang and we all sprung up. As I walked to the door, the rest of the members followed behind me like little ducklings. 

Little ducklings following their mother. 

With one little duckling missing.

 

{Jisung}

I sat in silence. Not that that was anything new, but it felt new. I felt peaceful. No headache, no anxiety… just… silence.

‘’Hellooooooo little squirrel!,’’ Jiwoon beamed as he opened the door.

I hadn’t noticed him approaching the room. Actually, I hadn’t noticed anything but the cold. And even though I had been feeling fine just a moment ago, I felt my heart pick up its pace as soon as Jiwoon stood in front of me.

‘’How was your day?,’’ Jiwoon asked as he moved to sit down on the floor right in front of me.

I really didn’t want to answer him, nor did it feel like my voice was in any shape to do so, but I knew I had to.

‘’I-it was f-f-fine….,’’ I croaked out.

The sound of my own voice made me wince. It sounded even worse than before. It was difficult to tell if it even was my own voice at all. 

‘’Look at you! See, we can have a normal conversation,’’ Jiwoon smiled as his hand landed on the top of my head.

Dirty.

He seemed to be very calm today. I thought I would be okay as long as I acted how he wished.

‘’Your hair is so soft Jisungie. Did you shower?,’’ Jiwoon asked as he pushed his hand through my hair.

Gross.

‘’Yes,’’ I responded, trying to keep my voice steady.

I wanted this so-called ‘’conversation’’ to be over.

He pulled back his hand which made me kind of relax again. He gave me a little smile as he started searching his pockets. With a little ‘’aha’’, he pulled his hand out and held something out to me.

I couldn’t really see what it was so I wasn’t very eager to accept it.

‘’It’s just candy. For your throat,’’ Jiwoon said as he rolled his eyes.

I didn’t want to accept anything from this man, but my throat did hurt.

Hesitantly, I moved out of my corner and closer to Jiwoon. I reached out my hand to take the candy but kept my eyes on him. 

He didn’t seem to have any other intentions so with a shaking hand I took the candy from his hand. The skin on my hand burned from the brief contact. It felt as if I was allergic to Jiwoon. 

And I wondered if it was actually possible to be physically allergic to another person.

I slowly started to unwrap the candy, putting my focus there. I had deduced that Jiwoon wasn’t really a threat at the moment so I just let him be. Not that I could do anything to stop him from doing whatever the hell he wanted anyway.

As I struggled to open the wrapper with my shaky hands, I felt a little tug on my hair and heard the sound of something snipping. I quickly looked up and saw that Jiwoon was holding a lock of hair.

Dark blue hair. 

My hair.

I hadn’t noticed him approaching as I was unwrapping the candy, so to say that I was shocked was an understatement. 

Realising what he had done, my hand shot up to my head. I could feel a bit of my hair missing on the left side. It wasn’t much, but it was definitely gone.

‘’Dark blue really is my favourite colour you know. It used to be red, just like how it’s your favourite colour, but since you’ve been here it has become blue,’’ Jiwoon said as he seemed intrigued by my hair between his fingers.

I was confused more than scared. I had no clue what the f*ck he even wanted with my hair.

‘’This will make a lovely present later on,’’ Jiwoon said.

Taking advantage of my confusion, Jiwoon leaned in and kissed me.

I didn’t really feel anything. Sure, it was still disgusting, but I didn’t feel like dying. 

It lasted only a few seconds before he pulled back and gave me a satisfied grin. He gave me one more peck on my lips before he moved towards my ear.

‘’If you keep behaving like a good boy I’ll maybe let you out of this room for a bit tomorrow,’’ Jiwoon whispered.

Ignoring his breath on my skin, my eyes grew wide as his words sunk in.

Hope.

I was suddenly filled with hope. Maybe I could get out of here. Even If it was for a little bit, it sounded wonderful.

With a little smirk, Jiwoon got up. Once he got the door he turned around to face me.

‘’By the way, I think your friends have gotten my little present by now. They must really like it,’’

With that he left the room.

I heard keys jingle and I knew I was locked in again.

I was confused by all his talk about ‘’presents’’ all the time. For someone so… expressive, Jiwoon sure was very vague.

Feeling happy by Jiwoon’s earlier words, I took the candy and put it in my mouth.

Strawberry.

_My favourite flavour._


	8. Chapter 08

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Double update because today, for the first time in 2019, the weather was good enough to wear something else than jeans and an oversized hoodie.
> 
> Hashtag Dutch-People-Problems.
> 
> Edit: HTML is f*cking with me. I tried fixing it four times now but the text just sticks together no matter what I do. I didn't do anything differently from what I normally do so I don't know anymore. I'll try fixing it later.

{Chan}  
‘’So, you didn’t see anyone hanging around here? Someone acting suspicious?,’’ The officer asked.

‘’No. At least not that we noticed,’’ I answered. 

It had been an hour since the police arrived and they were still busy talking to the members. A few other people were taking pictures of our table, the box and the pictures. They had jackets on with the letters ‘’NFS’’. I didn’t know what it meant, but It looked like I was stuck in an episode of CSI. Once they were finished doing what they were doing, they took everything and put it in a big box before making their way out.

The officers finished talking to everyone and motioned for us to follow them.

‘’Take a seat,’’ one of the officers said while motioning to the couch.

We sat down and looked at the three officers.

‘’First things first. The good news is that we have evidence that Han Jisung is alive. We will analyse everything and with some luck we’ll be able to get fingerprints or DNA from the assailant,’’ The female officer said.

If that was supposed to be the good news, I feared to hear the bad news.

‘’The bad news is that his condition looks really bad from what we’ve seen,’’ the other officer finished.

‘’No sh*t sherlock,’’ Minho mumbled angrily.

Seungmin gave him a little nudge with his elbow, telling him to calm down.

The female officer gave an apologetic smile before continuing.

‘’We re-evaluated the urgency of the case. After contacting the head of the bureau it was decided that this case now has top priority. From the video it seems that the assailant is pretty unstable emotionally. Predicting his behaviour could prove difficult meaning we want to move faster,’’

Relieve washed over the room.

‘’We forgot to mention that because of this stunt from the assailant we can stack more years when we catch him,’’ a male officer said.

‘’Ehhhm I’m sorry, what do you mean by that?,’’ Changbin asked.

I was glad he asked because to be honest, I didn’t really get it either.

‘’Well, how do I put this? He committed more crimes simply by doing this. Think about breaking in. The person had no permission to enter so we can convict him for that as well. Plus, by sending these pictures and that video we now have clear evidence to convict him for inflicting bodily injury, crime of violence, intimidation, coercion and aggravated obstruction just to name a few,’’ the officer said.

We didn’t really understand what all of that meant, but it sounded like he wouldn’t get away easy.

‘’Any other…..things… he can get convicted for based on the evidence you have now?’’ Seungmin asked cautiously.

I knew what he meant. That last photo. It was clear that the man had done some really f*cked up things to Jisung and he should pay for it, but the officers hadn’t said anything about it.

I looked at the members as the officers hesitated to answer. It seemed that some of the members had picked up on what Seungmin meant. I had really hoped they hadn’t seen the picture, but of course they had.

‘’As off right now, we can’t yet. For that we would have to examine Mr. Han,’’ The female officer said.

Minho let out a frustrated groan and burrowed his head in Woojin’s chest. Woojin rubbed slow circles on Minho’s back as he gave me a pained look.

‘’Question, do we have to move? Like, he knows where we live’’ Hyunjin asked.

‘’As of right now, we think it would be better if you stayed here. Maybe he will return and if he does that, we’ll be here to get him,’’ The officer said.

‘’Exactly. We’ll make sure to set up camera’s in the hallway. That way we can keep an eye out. We would like it better to get an officer around the building but unfortunately we’re heavily understaffed,’’ The female officer elaborated.

And with that, we knew that there was nothing we could do at this point so we thanked the officers and showed them out. Once they had left I just sunk to the floor. The members had already split up to get ready for bed, and I was left alone with my thoughts.

It all still felt so unreal even though it had almost been a week.

I noticed how tired I was and I got up to get ready for bed. As I was changing into my pyjamas I heard scuffling in the other hallway. I put on my shirt and walked towards the noise. I was met by the sight of Seungmin and Felix dragging their mattresses into the bigger bedroom while Changbin and Hyunjin followed with the bedding.

My eyes met Changbin’s and I threw him a confused look.

‘’Seungmin and Felix decided they wanted to sleep in one room with the rest of us so we’re helping them move some stuff,’’ Changbin explained.

‘’I’m in too!,’’ I heard Minho yell from our room.

A few seconds later, Minho came out hauling his mattress and bedding all at once.

After a few minutes, we had all gathered in the big bedroom including me and Woojin. There was just no escaping it plus it felt like a great idea to me. I had always enjoyed the members’ presence, but it had only grown more this past week.

Making sure everyone was comfortable, I turned the lights off and lied down myself. After wishing each other good night the members became silent. The sound of steady breathing filled the room and I was enjoying every bit of it.

I could make out their silhouettes in the dark room and I realised how much I loved them all. The words had left my mouth before I even knew it.

‘’I really love you guys,’’ I whispered.

It seemed loud enough for the members to hear.

‘’Me too,’’ Felix replied.

{Hyunjin}

I had been staring at the ceiling for about two hours now and I still didn’t feel sleepy at all. All the other members had fallen asleep ages ago, even Chan, and I really envied them at this moment. No matter how I tossed and turned, I couldn’t find a comfortable position to lay in.

But that wasn’t the biggest problem. Honestly, I was scared to close my eyes. Scared of seeing things I didn’t want to see. Scared of my imagination running wild.

I had felt close to nothing when Chan had pulled out the first picture. It all just didn’t feel real. The second was a different story. Chan blocked half our vision so I couldn’t see the picture completely. But what I did see was a sleeping and wounded Jisung and it had sent a unpleasant chill through my spine.

Chan had sprung up as if he had touched fire and had run off, leaving the rest of us behind with confused looks. Everything after that had just been awful.

I tuned over again. Nothing felt right. Everything was off like it all wasn’t real.

I let out a sigh as I reached for my phone. The blinding numbers on my phone showed that it was 04:11 AM. With another sigh I threw my blanket off. Sleeping wasn’t going to happen so I decided to go and do something productive.

I sneaked out of the room to make sure I wouldn’t wake anybody up and made my way to the kitchen. Saying it was a little messy would be an understatement. It looked like a bomb had exploded. There were dirty dishes and empty wrappers everywhere. I ran my hand through my hair and got to work.

I was slowly but steadily working my way through the dishes when I heard a door open and close ever so quietly.

‘’Hyung, what are you doing?’’ A low voice whispered.

I turned around and was met with a very sleepy-looking Felix. He looked quite horrible to put it lightly. His hair was a mess, but that wasn’t so bad. It was the dark circles under his eyes that gave away his lack of sleep. He was pale as well, too pale.

‘’I’m cleaning up. Did I wake you?,’’ I said as I scanned his face.

‘’No no, I have been awake for some time now. I heard you leave the room but I wanted to try and sleep a bit more. Didn’t work though,’’ Felix answered as he moved next to me.

We cleaned the rest of the dishes in silence. I didn’t really feel like talking, and apparently neither did Felix, and it was fine like that. It was a comforting silence.

We were almost done when I saw movement from the corner of my eye. I almost dropped a plate before Minho appeared in front of us.

‘’It’s just me,’’ Minho laughed as he gave my shoulder a squeeze.

I faked a pout as Minho continued to laugh. I turned back to finish washing the last cup when Minho spoke again.

‘’Hyunjin, Felix…’’ Minho said.

Felix and I turned around. Minho had stopped laughing and was looking at us with such a serious expression that it looked like he had an important announcement to make.

‘’Let’s go,’’ Minho said, now sounding very determined.

Granted, I was confused.

‘’Where to Hyung?,’’ Felix asked.

‘’The company,’’ Minho responded.

We didn’t have to be at the company until 8 so I didn’t get why he wanted to go there seeing as it was only 04:49.

‘’To do what?,’’ I asked.

‘’Dance,’’ Minho answered while moving to get his shoes on.

As soon as the word left Minho’s lips, I felt a strange spark and a tug at my heart. It had been a while since the three of us had spent time together. Dancing. Just the three of us.

Felix and I looked at each other and I could see that Felix thought the same. A little twinkle in his eyes gave away his glee and he looked like he was doing better already.

So just like that, we were off.

 

{Chan}

Morning came a bit too quick for my liking. But it was ok because as soon as I opened my eyes, I was looking at the members sleeping peacefully. 

I knew I had to wake them up sooner or later. We had to practise today which meant we had to be at the company by 8. I sat up and looked around for my phone. Once I found it, I looked at the display and saw it was only 06:00 which meant we had more than enough time to get there.

I scanned the room again and I saw a few beds empty. Felix, Hyunjin and Minho weren’t here. My heart jumped a little but calmed down immediately after. Not having the members in my sight was scary. Not before, but now it was.

I got up and left the room quietly, making sure I wouldn’t wake anyone up. I walked to the kitchen to get some water. I noticed that the whole kitchen was clean and the dirty dishes were gone.

_Must have been Hyunjin._

While I was gulping down the cool liquid my eyes fell on a little piece of paper with some scrambling’s attached to the fridge with a magnet. With my glass still in my hand I moved closer to see what was written.

_We couldn’t really sleep so we went to the company already. We’ll buy breakfast on our way there so don’t worry :) \- Minho, Hyunjin & Felix_

This was quite typical of the dance line. If they felt stressed about something, they would just run off to the company to dance. Mostly alone, but this time together. It made me happy and sad at the same time. Happy because they were spending time together, sad because of the whole reason why.

Letting out a sigh, I put away my glass and moved to the bathroom. It would get pretty hectic later on with every other member having to use the bathroom so I took advantage of the fact that everybody was still asleep.

A couple of minutes later I stepped out feeling much more awake. Still drying my hair, I made my way over to wake the rest of the boys up. It proved to be an almost impossible task. I had to physically drag them out of their beds.

In the end we had to rush to get to the company on time, mostly because of Changbin who had fallen back asleep after I had woken him up.

{Jisung}

It bugged me. It really bugged me. Jiwoon had cut off a bit of my hair and it really didn’t sit well with me. It was unusual behaviour even for Jiwoon and it confused me. I knew that Jiwoon was mentally f*cked up, but he had really taken his creepy ways to the next level.

I had no clue as to what he wanted with my hair. It creeped me out and my hand just kept wandering to my hair. It had kept me from sleeping as I tried to make sense of it. The little piece of candy however had done wonders for my throat. It still hurt, but way less than before.

Suddenly I felt something warm on my arm. Confused, I looked down to see what was going on. 

I had been so stuck in my own thoughts that I apparently had scratched my own arm open without noticing. 

Blood was stuck under my fingernails and it looked horrifying.

With a gasp I hastily withdrew my hand from my arm.

How had I not noticed?

My brows knitted together in a frown. I felt terribly disturbed. I wasn’t feeling like myself and it scared me.

With the sleeve of my hoodie I wiped the blood from my arm and fingers. Luckily I was wearing a red hoodie so if it would leave a stain it wouldn’t be that noticeable.

_Wait…. Why do I even care?_

I let out a frustrated groan as I gripped my hair with my hands. Everything was off. My brain, my body, the air. It all felt wrong. Just so incredibly wrong.

 

 

{Felix}

Hyunjin, Minho and I were seated on the floor of the practise room, all sweaty and out of breath, but content. The clock on the wall showed that it was already 07:30 which meant our lessons would start in half an hour and that the rest of the members could be here any minute now.

Dancing freely for a few hours had felt wonderful. It had put my mind at ease. I scanned the faces of the members seated next to me, and the little smile on their lips informed me that they felt the same way.

I let myself fall backwards and I enjoyed the coldness of the floor cooling my sweaty back. I closed my eyes and let out a little sigh.

The past days had been hectic and frustrating. It had exhausted me. I hadn’t been able to sleep well and the constant stress was taking a toll on me. On everyone, especially our leader.

He had been so strong for everyone’s sake, but I saw what it was doing to him. I could see it on his face. The guilt. I knew that he felt like it was his fault that Jisung was gone.

Channie Hyung’s heart was big. Too big. And the members took up too much space in it, almost leaving no room for Channie Hyung himself.

I had always envied that, being able to zero yourself out for the sake of others, but now I wasn’t so sure.

My train of thought was cut off by a hand gently pushing back the strands of hair on my face. I didn’t have to open my eyes to know it was Hyunjin. He would always do that.

‘’What are you thinking about Lix?’’ Hyunjin softly asked.

I kept my eyes closed as I let the warmth of Hyunjin’s touch soothe me.

‘’Channie Hyung and Sungie,’’ I answered.

Hyunjin responded with a small hum as he continued tracing his fingers through my hair.

‘’Everything will turn out okay, I know it,’’ I heard Minho whisper.

I really hoped he was right, but deep down I knew it wouldn’t be so easy.

A comfortable silence filled the room. It was peaceful.

After a while I could hear the sound of voices and footsteps coming closer. I heard the door open and people making their way inside.

‘’Good morning,’’ I heard Channie Hyung say.

‘’Good morning. You know you guys just barely made it on time right?’’ Minho said.

I opened my eyes and sat up. I was met by the faces of the other members. They looked like sh*t to put it nicely. They all looked a little messy and pale. Jeongin’s eyes were puffy and Seungmin sported a greyish shadow under his eyes. It was clear evidence of a lack of sleep.

‘’I know. Changbin fell back asleep and nobody had noticed,’’ Woojin replied.

We gave a little nod and we pulled ourselves up off the floor.

It promised to be a tiring day full of practise, which I really didn’t feel up for but there was nothing else for us to do so I knew I just had to suck it up and make the best of it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I did legit research for this chapter guys.
> 
> \- The NFS is the forensic service in South-Korea.  
> \- I read though pages and pages of the actual South-Korean criminal law for the possible charges that Jiwoon could get charged with at this point in the story (Now having a ton of PDF documents on my laptop about charges, possible jailtime, fines etc etc... Maybe I should switch from studying Psychology to Law Enforcement xD)  
> \- The popo in South-Korea is actually called the KNPA (Korean National Police Agency) or KNP (Korean National Police) but I just went with 'police'. The law inforcement structure works differently from most countries and it's just complicated so I said screw that xp
> 
> Anywho,  
> Buckle up for tomorrow's chapter.


	9. Chapter 09

{Jeongin}

‘’Again. From the beginning!’’ Chan Hyung yelled as he moved to restart the song.

We had been practicing for hours now and I felt tired. I hadn’t really slept well last night. Or the night before last night. Or any night since Jisung Hyung’s disappearance. Everything was just way too scary. Closing my eyes was scary because it made me see Jisung Hyung and that hurt.

The members moved back into position and the song started again. We had been dancing ‘’My Pace’’ for at least a dozen times over and over again. The result of at least one member messing up each time. I mindlessly let my body do the steps for me, relying on my muscle-memory cause my head just felt like mush.

‘’Stop!’’ Chan Hyung yelled.

Everyone froze and we looked at each other. The members looked tired and I knew that I did too. The choreo was very energy-consuming and Jisung Hyung’s presence was greatly missed. I had never realised how many parts he had, but now I noticed. The holes seemed huge. 

‘’Ya Jeongin-ah, you were doing fine the whole time but you seriously messed up with keeping the beat,’’ Chan aimed at me. He looked agitated but strangely, it made me feel more sad than scared.

I knew I had messed up, but I had hoped he hadn’t noticed it. 

‘’Sorry, I will pay more attention,’’ I replied.

Chan Hyung gave a little nod and let out a sigh, his hands on his hips and his head hung down.

‘’Maybe we should take a little break?’’ Woojin Hyung voiced.

‘’Yeah, a few minutes wouldn’t hurt and I would really like to get some fresh air,’’ Seungmin added.

Chan Hyung didn’t look up as he nodded his head.

‘’Okay,’’ was all he said.

The members let out a sigh and dispersed. Hyunjin was going to the convenience store and everyone accept Chan Hyung decided to tag along.

‘’Hyung, do you want anything?,’’ Hyunjin asked Chan.

‘’No thanks Hyunjin-ah,’’ Chan said as he looked back up and gave us a grin, ‘’You guys have to be back in an hour ok? I’ll be in the producing studio in case you can’t find me.  
We gave him a nod and made our way outside. We had almost made our way across the parking lot when Woojin spoke up.

‘’You guys go ahead without me. I think I’m going to stay after all,’’ He said.

‘’Ehhm ok sure Hyung,’’ Seungmin replied.

Woojin turned back around as he gave us a little wave. We continued on our way.

 

{Woojin}

There was something wrong. I could tell from the moment I had seen him this morning. He had looked tired and not really present. It stuck in the back of my head and I just couldn’t resist cancelling my trip to the store to check up on him. When I returned to the practice room, Chan was already gone. I walked further down the hallway and came to a stop in front off the last door on the left. It looked like all the other doors, but there was one slight difference.

Letters were sloppily painted across the door. 3RACHA. It was their personal studio and for some reason this had meant that they got away with vandalising the door.   
Just as I reached out to open the door, I noticed that it was slightly ajar. I knew that Chan would always close the door so it was strange. I got a feeling of Deja-vu and suddenly felt a bit scared. Willing my body to move, I pushed to door open slowly and peeked inside.

Relief washed over me as I saw Chan curled up on the little couch against the wall. He looked like sh*t but he was there. His hands were covering his face as he sat a bit hunched over.

I sat down next to him and wrapped my arm around his shoulders. Apparently he hadn’t heard me come in as his head shot up. My heart dropped as my eyes met his.  
They were red and looked irritated. Tears stained his face and it didn’t seem like they would stop any time soon. I had never seen Chan cry so I didn’t really know what to do. I got pulled back into reality when Chan let out a hear wrenching sob. I immediately threw my arms around him and pulled him close to me. Chan rested his head on my shoulder as the tears kept going. I could feel him shaking like a leaf.

‘’Shhhh its okay,’’ I whispered as I drew little circles on his back with my hand.

I knew that Jisungies disappearance, or should I say kidnapping?, had been hell for the leader but I was still surprised to see him break like this.

After a few minutes Chan had seemed to have calmed down as he pulled away from me.

‘’Sorry,’’ He said as he was doing his best to get rid of the tears in his eyes.

‘’Don’t apologize silly,’’ I said as I ruffled his hair.

We sat in silence for quite some time. Neither of us feeling the urge to speak up. Time ticked away and before we knew it, we could hear the other members returning to the practise room.

‘’Lets go. They’re probably waiting.’’ I said as I held out my hand for Chan to take.

He gave me a little nod as he reached out to my hand.

Then there was a scream. It seemed to have come from the practise room.

Chan and I both froze for a second before looking each other in the eye.

Another scream and we were sprinting.

 

{Changbin}

‘’Oh my god!’’ Minho yelled while his hands made their way to his head.

We could not believe what we saw. No one had seen it coming. I could hear Jeongin crying somewhere on my left and Seungmin trying to calm him down. They had walked in first and the maknae had screamed as soon as he had entered the room, making the rest of us run in after him.

There was a message of some sorts painted all across the big mirrored wall in the room.

_**I SEE** _

Right under the message was a little piece of paper, stuck to the mirror with a bit of sticky tape. With little steps I moved closer to see what the little paper was. It looked like it was an envelope. Very confused, I moved my hand towards the envelope and pulled it from the mirror. It was light, But I could tell that something was in there.

Before I could even begin to open it, Chan and Woojin came crashing through the door before coming to a stop in the middle of the room.

‘’What happened?!’’ I heard Woojin ask.

Before we could answer, Chan Hyung had seemed to see the message on the mirror, pointing it out to Woojin Hyung.

‘’Oh my god….’’ Woojin whispered.

The rest of the members were quiet as Woojin started pacing in the room. Then Chan Hyung spoke up.

‘’What is that in your hand Changbinnie?’’ He asked.

I looked at Chan Hyung and I could see he had been crying. But that didn’t matter now.

‘’I don’t know….,’’ I responded.

‘’It was stuck on the mirror,’’ Seungmin elaborated.

Chan moved closer to me and reached out his hand to take the mysterious envelope from me. I willingly gave it to him, scared of what it would contain. Chan suddenly sat down on the floor, his gaze never leaving the envelope. It only took a few seconds before we had all gathered around him.

No one spoke a word as Chan Hyung slowly started to open the envelop. It seemed to take forever and I got slightly irritated by it, so I snatched it out of his hands and ripped it open.

Now everyone’s eyes were on me. Not that I really noticed as the contents of the envelope revealed themselves.

The first thing I noticed was a loch of hair, held together by a little black string. I took it out of the envelope.

‘’Is that….,’’ Jeongin didn’t have to finish his sentence before I let the little bundle of hair drop out of my hand as if it had burned me.

Shocked. I was just utterly shocked.

‘’He cut his hair?!’’ Minho suddenly burst out, ‘’What the f*ck!’’

‘’Minho, language,’’ Chan said sternly as he glared at Minho.

I felt too nauseous to check the rest of the contents. I shoved the envelope back into Chan Hyung’s hands. Chans brows furrowed together as he opened the envelop again. He pulled out a little post-it note. We could not see what it said, but judging by the look on his face he didn’t quite understand it either.

‘’What does it say?’’ Felix spoke after a few moments of silence.

‘’It…. It looks like an URL for a website…’’ Chan replied.

 

{Jisung}

I was out.

I was finally out of that room.

It was the next day and like promised, Jiwoon had come and taken me out of the room.

The door closed behind me and I was once again looking at the steps up to the hallway with the grey carpet.

‘’Lets get moving princess,’’ Jiwoon whispered in my ear, his ghostly breath leaving my skin itching. 

He moved in front of me and lead the way up, his hand never letting go of my wrist. It reminded me once again how small I was compared to him, how weak I felt when he was around. His grip hurt, but I knew better than to complain about it. I had managed to get on his good side by ‘’behaving’’ and I wasn’t going to let this ruin my chance of leaving the room. Anything would be better than staying there. 

Well, maybe not. 

But for now it didn’t matter.

I struggled a bit as I walked up the stairs, mainly due to Jiwoon forcefully dragging me up. In mere seconds I was standing in the hallway again.   
Jiwoon suddenly let go of my wrist and turned to look at me. 

Before I knew it I was engulfed in a hug. I felt my body stiffen as Jiwoon tightened his embrace and nuzzled his nose on top of my head, creepily sniffing my hair. My mind went blank. I did not know how to respond.

But as quickly as it happened, he had let me go again.

‘’You see, we can get along nicely right? As long as you just behave…’’ Jiwoon said as he ruffled my hair.

Purely by instinct, I slapped his hand away from my head. My action seemed to shock him and I cursed at myself, realising what I had done.

_Stupid!_

My eyes grew wide as Jiwoon smiled at me while his eyes looked oddly blank.

‘’I’m s-sorry Hyung!,’’ I said hastily as I took a step backwards.

Jiwoon’s smile only grew bigger and so did my fear.

‘’I-I’m really sorry hy-Hyung! I’m sorry!,’’ It really sounded as if I was begging him not to get angry.

He stayed silent.

I took another step back, fearing the worst. I knew that I shouldn’t have done that. Especially now. I was sure that if I didn’t fix things quickly I would be back in the room in a few seconds in a worse condition than I was in now. But my instinct wasn’t letting me fix things. By stepping back I knew I was only making everything worse.  
Jiwoon took a step closer to me, that creepy smile never leaving his face.

My eyes welled up by the idea of what could happen next.

I took another step away from him and my back hit the wall. My heart was racing as Jiwoon kept advancing towards me, ever so slowly. He came to a halt a mere step away from me and lifted his hand.

I expected it, so his hand connecting to my right cheek wasn’t surprising. 

Pain spread through my face and I skewed my eyes shut, a single tear slipping out of my eye. I could just feel Jiwoon towering over me, his aura engulfing me. I could hear his breathing. It was heavy. He was angry.

‘’You little brat!’’ He spewed.

I winced as he grabbed me by my shoulder.

‘’Look at me when I’m talking to you!,’’ He yelled.

I willed my eyes open and I was confused by the look in Jiwoon’s eyes. It seemed like he had calmed down. He didn’t look angry anymore.  
It scared me. It wasn’t what I had expected and that was scary.

He smiled at me again, but this time it was a genuine smile. Not the one that meant trouble. Jiwoon let out a sigh and once again took hold of my wrist.

‘’Lets go. I cooked for you and I don’t want the food to get cold,’’ He said.

And with that, he resumed his way down the hallway, dragging me along.

 

{Woojin}

The post-it was downright confusing. What in heavens name would we find on that site?

‘’Should we… like…. Check it out?’’ I heard Felix ask.

Personally, I didn’t think that it was a good idea. This was clearly another thing left by the one who had Jisungie. What we would see probably wouldn’t do anyone any good, it would most likely just hurt everyone even more. The wise choice would be to call the police immediately and to inform them of our… ‘findings’. Unfortunately, the group consisted of way too many curious individuals so before I could even speak up, Hyunjin had gotten up from the floor to get his laptop out of his bag.

He returned not long after. He sat back down and motioned for Chan to hand over the note. In a few seconds, he had copied the URL and was ready to press enter. His finger lingered above the key before he hit it. We slid closer so we could all see what was displayed. It took some time for the site to load and even I grew impatient.

A little ping informed us that the page had loaded, and suddenly we were staring at an image of a room.

It wasn’t lit very well and it looked like it was made out of some kind of concrete. The room seemed almost empty, except from a pillow and a dotted blanket in one corner.

‘’What the…’’ Felix spoke up.

‘’Why are we looking at an image of a room?’’ Seungmin followed, sounding almost angry.

I looked at the members and I saw that they were just as confused as I was.

‘’Ehhhm guys, it’s not just an image,’’ Jeongin said as he pointed to a corner of the screen.

I looked closer and saw a digital clock in the corner, happily showing the time and next to it was a small red dot visible.

‘’Wait…. This is a livestream?!’’ Minho chimed in.

This was bad. This was really bad.

 

{Jisung}

Jiwoon kept dragging me through the hallway. I wasn’t really paying attention. My cheek was stinging and I was trying to figure out why Jiwoon hadn’t behaved…… normally.

‘’That frown on your forehead isn’t very pretty little squirrel,’’ Jiwoon suddenly said.

That made me look up and I realised we had come to a halt. We were now standing in what I assumed was the living room. To my right was a couch, facing a wall with a very expensive-looking flat screen tv. To my left was the kitchen and right in front of me was the dining area. The place wasn’t big, but the lack of separating walls made the place look bigger. Unlike how I had expected it to be, the place looked oddly organized and tidy, just like how the bathroom was.

For some reason, I had just assumed that I was being kept in some kind of old and run-down building. On the contrary, it looked like an actual... home? 

‘’You like it?’’ Jiwoon asked as he continued to drag me towards the table, ‘’I cleaned the place up for you yesterday,’’

I didn’t answer as I got even more confused about his behaviour.

_Why is he suddenly trying so hard to be… nice?_

‘’Sweetie…’’ Jiwoon spoke again, dropping his voice at least an octave.

‘’Yeah… it’s… it’s nice’’ I managed to croak out.

I could not afford another f*ck up. I had been lucky a few minutes ago but that didn’t mean that Jiwoon wasn’t a ticking timebomb, ready to go off. He squeezed my wrist and gave me another smile before pushing me down into a chair. He let go of my wrist, but not before making sure I was handcuffed to the chair.

_The actual f*ck?!_

‘’Sorry darling, but we can’t have you trying to run away right?,’’ And with that, he patted my head once again before making his way to the other side of the table.

I took a glance at the table. It was filled with various dishes. From stew to meat and everything in between. I wasn’t hungry, but I wasn’t going to voice that out. I was hellbent on keeping Jiwoon happy right now.

‘’I didn’t know what you’d like, so I made a lot of things. Just eat how much you want! You have become too skinny,’’ Jiwoon said as he moved to start eating.

_Yeah, and who’s f*cking fault is that…?_

As Jiwoon was happily munching away, I couldn’t shake the thought of how domestic he was trying to be. Me not eating wasn’t going unnoticed by Jiwoon. He let out a sigh and picked up some food with his chopsticks before moving said chopsticks to my mouth.

‘’Aaaah!,’’ He said.

He sounded almost child-like.

I noticed that his hand was shaking. 

_Is he nervous? That’s odd…_

A little hesitantly I opened my mouth and accepted the food. It didn’t taste like anything, no matter how many times I chewed. It just made me feel nauseas. Jiwoon gave me a content nod before he returned to his food.

I pushed away the nausea and moved my free hand to pick up the pair of chopsticks in front of me. I scanned the table and my eyes landed on some fried rice. I deduced that it would be the best choice. Unfortunately for me, it was out of my reach.

‘’… Hyung…,’’ I whispered.

_How pathetic_

Jiwoon’s head shot up and he gave me a questioning look. I hesitated to continue, my pride screaming at me to stop.

‘’… can you please pass me the fried rice…?’’ I continued, my voice barely audible.

_Weak_

He let out a low chuckle and passed me the fried rice. But before I could even stretch out my arm the dish fell out of his hand, crashing down on the table.

I let out a shriek at the loud sound and retreated back into my chair. 

‘’God dammit Jisung! Look what you did!,’’ Jiwoon shouted at me.

My heartbeat picked up and I could feel my lungs contract.

Panic. 

I was starting to panic.

As I tried to keep my breathing steady, Jiwoon let out a sigh and stood up from the table. I barely noticed him leaving and sitting back down again.

My vision was a little blurry and my focus was solely on my air-intake.

Once I felt like my breathing was evening out again, Jiwoon came back into focus.

I wish he hadn’t.

He was sat at his place at the table.

His right sleeve was rolled up.

He had a syringe in his hand

And a needle in his arm.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun times.
> 
> And for anyone wondering, don't worry about Stockholm Syndrome or something. I'm just a newbie and in no way capable enough in writing to insert such a complex condition into a fic without accidently oversimplifying or downplaying it. It's one of the most difficult mental disorders out there and even though I'm a psychology student, I do not really get it. In theory I do, but not really...? *Pats myself for the great explanation*
> 
> By the way, did I mention that this is the first fic I ever started writing? ''The Skeleton In The Closet'' was the second one even though I uploaded it first.


	10. Chapter 10

{Felix}

Stray Kids was my home. My home in South-Korea. The members were my family, my brothers. They felt safe, everyone in JYP felt safe. Being here felt safe. But that had changed the moment someone had snatched Sung from us and broken into our dorm. After that, only being at the company building gave me peace. But that had been taken from me as well.

We had been staring at Hyunjin’s laptop while time kept passing by, hoping that something or someone would reveal itself but to no avail. The room, or whatever it was, stayed empty. However, no one dared to look away. We were eager to find out why we were looking at the screen, waiting for answers.

‘’I’m calling the police,’’ Chan said as he got up. Pulling out his phone, he made his way out of the room.

It was quiet.

Lately, it was quiet too often.

But everything was so loud in my head, and it kept me awake at night. I felt the headache coming up again, a high-pitched buzzing deep in my brain, and I rubbed my temples, attempting to wipe the dull ache around my temples away.

Jeongin suddenly appeared in front of me, bottle of water and a painkiller in hand. I gladly accepted and chugged the painkiller down with a big gulp of water.

‘’Just lay down if it hurts Hyung,’’ Jeongin said with a smile before sitting back down next to Seungmin.

Jeongin was more perceptive than we thought he was. As the maknae, we would always take care of him without expecting anything back. But at times like these, he seemed to be more mature than we thought he was. Although very welcomed at the moment, it worried me.

He was only a year younger than me, Hyunjin, Seungmin and Jisung but he just felt younger. Jeongin was just too… pure? Too good for this world, too kind and innocent.

And that broke my heart. 

 

{Jisung}

It all made sense now.

I was given an explanation. 

An explanation as to why Jiwoon was who he was.

Why he sometimes just… flipped out, why he was so aggressive, why he seemed to enjoy hurting me. And even though it soothed some of the questions in my head, it made me more anxious than before.

‘’You want some too cutie,’’ Jiwoon asked as he removed the needle from his arm, ‘’I promise it makes you feel really good.’’

I looked at Jiwoon and he just stared right back. I glanced to his arms and I noticed multiple puncture wounds. Also, his hands weren’t shaking anymore.

‘’I asked you a question!,’’ He bellowed.

And again, I felt so small as I flinched at the booming voice. I slowly looked back at Jiwoon, and his eyes sent shivers down my spine. The dark glint in his eyes was back. The one that I had come to despise so, so much. I felt dizzy and my eyes started to water. I was scared. Images of previous events made their way into my head and I felt my hands shaking.

Suddenly Jiwoon was next to me, firm grip on my upper arm as he glared at me.

‘’You know what happens when you’re rude, Jisung,’’ He hissed with squinted eyes.

I wanted to say something, apologize, anything to make him calm down but my throat just closed up on me. Jiwoon then uncuffed me swiftly and yanked me up by my hair.  
I yelled out in pain and he started to drag me out of the room.

‘’Please, I’m sorry!,’’ I squeezed out as I tried to pry his hand off my hair.

Another slap on my cheek and I was crying.

‘’You keep your mouth shut b*tch!,’’ Jiwoon barked as he looked at me. His eyes told me he was fuming.

As I tried to escape his grip, he continued to drag me down the hallway. I knew that I was screwed, I had f*cked up. I was dead meat now. We were back at the locked door. My whole body screamed for me to get away, but Jiwoon was just too strong. He always was but every time I realised that it made me feel horrible.

Horrible about the situation, horrible about myself.

I was weak.

And that was my own fault.

Jiwoon got the door unlocked with his other hand.

‘’Let me go!,’’ I managed to yell in between my sobs. 

Of course, Jiwoon didn’t respond. His grip on my hair only grew tighter as he started dragging me down the stairs.

Adrenaline.

‘’F*CK YOU!,’’ I spat out.

A harsh tug and I was tumbling down the stairs.

 

{Seungmin}

Chan had come back a few minutes ago, informing us that the police were on their way. I ran my fingers through Jeongin’s hair as I let out a sigh. He had fallen asleep with his head in my lap and it was endearing, but I felt bad.

He had been the first one to walk in and it had taken quite a while to calm him down. He had looked so tired during practise and now this? I wasn’t going to stop him from getting some rest.

Tearing my eyes away from the boy in my lap, I looked at the other members.

Changbin had been the one to open the envelope. He was just spacing out, like he couldn’t comprehend what was happening. Hyunjin and Woojin were in the same condition as Changbin. They had a frown on their faces as they stared at the laptop. Felix was laying on his back with his eyes closed. It seemed that his headache had gone down.

And Minho was pacing around, angrily sipping water from his bottle. His breathing was heavy and I saw that he had started mumbling to himself. I could tell how agitated he was. He always did that when he was upset. 

Apparently, Chan had noticed Minho’s obnoxious pacing as well.

‘’Minho, stop that,’’ Chan asked, slightly irritated.

It seemed that Minho hadn’t heard him as he didn’t respond.

‘’Minho!’’ Chan repeated.

‘’What?!,’’ Minho yelled as he came to a standstill and turned around.

‘’Can you please stop pacing around? It makes me nervous,’’ Chan continued.

‘’Geez sorry….,’’ He responded and sat down.

Everyone was too on edge. Even I felt my body being stiff and tense. The room felt suffocating.

‘’Guys!,’’ Hyunjin suddenly screamed.

Jeongin jolted awake and quickly sat up. We looked at Hyunjin, confused at the sudden outburst. He didn’t say anything. He just pointed at his laptop, but that was all we needed to understand.

 

{Hyunjin}

I didn’t dare to look away. Scared that when I did, I would miss something important. So I just kept staring at the screen in front of me. Minutes ticked away as I kept my eyes glued to the screen.

I was about to look away when it happened.

Light poured in to the room, originating from somewhere left from the camera. What followed was a big man dragging in a way smaller person. It looked like a boy, but because their backs were facing the camera and no lights were in the room itself, I couldn’t really tell.

‘’Guys!,’’ I yelled out, alerting the members that something was happening.

Suddenly everyone was gathered around me and my laptop, eyes focussed on the screen. We could see the boy struggling to get away from the big man before he got thrown on the ground. 

The man turned towards where they had came from and the light in the room turned on. Even though we could not see the boy’s face, the colour of his hair gave his identity away.

‘’It’s Jisungie,’’ Woojin quietly remarked, voice sounding strained.

Before we could respond, the man came back into view, back still towards us. Jisung was still laying on the floor, hands pressed against his ears. He was curled up in himself and it looked like he was in pain. With a few steps the man was now hovering over Jisung, who seemed to shrink even more.

For some reason, the man just kept standing in front of Jisung. The man wasn’t moving, but Jisung flinched and slowly got up on his feet. He was barely standing up again before the man swung his arm and landed his hand on Jisung’s cheek.

I could feel someone jolt next to me and grab my shirt, but I barely registered it as Jisung was back on the floor again, hand pressed against his cheek and tears streaming down his face. His mouth was moving, but because there was no sound I could not make out what they were saying.

Whatever Jisung had said, it had not pleased the older man as he now crouched down in front of Jisung and gripped his hoodie to yank him closer.

‘’He looks so scared…. He is so scared,’’ Felix said as he held in his tears.

No one responded. We could not respond.

I was scared, scared for Jisung, scared for all of us.

As Jisung was trying to pry the man’s hand off his hoodie, the man suddenly pushed Jisung down harshly, and I could see Jisung’s head banging against the concrete under him.  
The man now let go of Jisung’s hoodie as Jisung lay motionless on the floor, his eyes barely open. The man seemed to yell something at him, but he didn’t respond.

And now, much like we had seen in the video that had been sent to us earlier, the man slid his hands under Jisung’s hoodie, and I felt the blood drain out of my face accompanied by cold sweat forming on my back.

‘’Sh*t,’’ Chan angrily whispered. 

The man moved closer and started kissing Jisung’s neck, hands still roaming his torso. Jisung suddenly seemed to be fully conscious again as he tried to push the man away, trashing and squirming.

‘’This is disgusting…,’’ Changbin stated.

The man now got a hold of Jisung’s shorts.

Someone suddenly closed my laptop and I let out a breath I didn’t know I was holding in. Staring into nothingness, I could hear ragged breathing and quiet sobs surrounding me.  
No one uttered a word, everyone lost in thought trying to process what we had seen.

Jisungie was breathing. 

Jisung was alive.

Whatever that entailed at this point.

 

{Jisung}

I was getting tired. Really tired.

Jiwoon had stormed out of the room a few minutes ago and I was once again hurting everywhere.

The dizziness was the worst and I had to crawl to my corner to prevent myself from collapsing, The coolness of the concrete against my body helped a bit, but my vision was still slightly off. The nausea was bearable, but unpleasant nonetheless.

After a few minutes I felt a bit better. My breathing was steady again and my mind cleared up a bit.

And I realised that I couldn’t keep this up for much longer. I wanted to get out of here and because there was no indication of how long it would take for people to find me, I figured out that maybe I had to do something about it myself. I didn’t want to die here and I sure as hell didn’t want Jiwoon to touch me ever again.

Suddenly I heard voices coming from where I thought was the living room. Because of the distance I couldn’t hear what they were talking about, but because of the yelling I understood that they were fighting about something.

I wrapped the blanket around me and my body relaxed by the feeling of the soft fabric around me. I was shivering because of the cold, which had hit me after the adrenaline had worn off.

Slowly by body warmed up a bit and I started to doze off but before I could close my eyes the door opened.

My body tensed immediately and I sunk my nails into my arms.

‘’Shower,’’ Jaeho spoke.

He didn’t move from the door as he motioned for me to follow him. I didn’t want to move from my corner but I really did want to shower. My whole body felt gross and a hot shower sounded wonderful. Jaeho wasn’t really the big threat anyways, so with a soft growl I threw my blanket to the side and got up. 

The way to the shower went as usual and before I knew it the door closed behind me and got locked. There was a towel in the usual place and a pile of clothes next to it. It seemed like a long-sleeved t-shirt so I knew it was going to be cold at night. However, the new black sweatpants would keep most of the cold away.

After inspecting the clothes I moved in front of the mirror.

My cheek was slightly purple and there was a small cut on my nose, but other than that I looked fine.

I caught my own eyes in the mirror and it shocked me. It was as if I was looking at someone else. Someone that was sad and broken in some way. It was a stranger to me and I felt oddly disconnected from the reflection staring back at me.

It took a while to tear my eyes away and start undressing.

I decided to take my time showering, enjoying the warm water in my skin.

By the time I was done, half of the soap was gone and my skin was red from rubbing.

It was really frustrating. No matter how hard I scrubbed, that feeling never left. I figured it would probably take a long time for it to leave, maybe even never, and that made me furious and sad at the same time.

Whatever would happen next, I would never be the same again.

People would never look at me the same again.

I dried myself slowly and pulled on my clothes, which were way too big again. I was a fan of baggy clothes but I didn’t know if I would still be after all of this.

There was a knock on the door and I flinched.

‘’Five minutes left,’’ Jaeho yelled through the door.

I was surprised I still had time left. Normally he would come storming into the bathroom while I was still dressing myself, but this time it had seemed like I had been faster than usual, which gave me time to spare.

And with that realisation my brain went into overdrive. 

As soon as I heard Jaeho walking away, I whipped around and stalked my way over to the little window next to the toilet. It was really tiny and I immediately noticed that I could never fit through it. I gave the window a little push anyways but it was locked. Not that I had expected anything else but it never hurt to try.

Realising it wasn’t going to work, I turned back and opened all the cabinets. If the window wasn’t an option I sure was going to try to find something that could be useful in any kind of way. There wasn’t much to find though. Most of the contents of the cabinet were toilet paper and soap.

‘’Two minutes!,’’

I sped up as I dug through a drawer, pushing everything aside to make sure I looked in every nook and cranny. Just as I was about to give up, something shiny caught my eye.

As soon as my fingers made contact my skin burned. I quickly retreated my hand and I saw a small cut on my index-finger.

I reached back in, carefully, and got a hold of the object.

It was a loose razor-blade.

And with that I could breathe again. There was my way out of this. I was going to get out of this.

Deep down I knew that a simple razor-blade couldn’t do that much damage but probably enough to throw Jaeho or Jiwoon off. I just had to find the right timing. More importantly, I had to make sure to hide it well.

I heard the lock on the door click and as fast as I could I stuffed the blade into a pocket.

‘’Go,’’ Jaeho spoke as he pushed me out of the bathroom.

On the way back to the basement I had to stop myself from skipping. It was weird how I could feel so horrible one moment and so hopeful the next.

Once back into the room and with Jaeho gone, I sat down in my corner and wracked my brain for a plan to get out of here. I figured that my only way out was either the front door, which I did not know the location off, or through a window in the living room. There would surely not be enough time for me to go looking for the front door so the living room was the place to go.

Next, I figured I had to find a good place to hide the little blade that currently resided in my pocket. I got up from my corner and walked around the room. There was nothing much to hide anything in or around. Plus, it would have to be in a place where I could reach for it easily.

As I carefully examined the room, my eyes landed on a blinking dot in the furthest corner. I realised that I had seen it before, but I hadn’t payed any attention to it afterwards. I halted my search for a hiding spot and stalked towards the red dot.

The corner was dark so I reached out with my hands to touch the object. Something hard and cold made contact with my fingertips and it confused me. My heart dropped once I finally figured out what it was.

A camera. And the blinking dot informed me that it was filming.

It scared me, but I kept feeling the object anyways. It seemed bolted to the wall and I couldn’t find any buttons.

My imagination ran wild as I staggered backwards.

_What?_

_Why is it filming?_

I wondered how long it had been there and I felt the blood drain out of my face as I realised that someone must have been watching. Someone had seen everything. Maybe a lot of people had seen everything.

 

I really had to get out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I made Jiwoon an addict. It just happened as I was writing because I suddenly thought that Jiwoon needed something to explain why he is how he is and I felt like a personality disorder would be too complicated. As in, with symptoms as bad as Jiwoon's it would indicate that there is something really wrong in his brain. 
> 
> I could have made Jiwoon the standard definition of a 'psychopath' but that wouldn't fit with how emotionally driven he is. Him being a sociopath would have fit more, but 'sociopaths' don't normally function well in society without any professional help, thus making it unlikely that Jiwoon had been able to fly under the radar for so long. 
> 
> Makes sense?   
> So I opted for drugs, cocaine to be specific. Cocaine can be injected and trigger aggressive behaviour, depending on people's personality, as it increases the feeling of self-confidence and egocentrism. It fit with what I had already written so yeah...
> 
> It's not really going to come back a lot in the story as I never intended to add it in and didn't feel the need to put a lot of emphasis on it. It's really not the point of the plot anyways. Maybe I'll dive into it more when I'm gonna write the sequel, we'll see.
> 
> The things I looked up on google for this story, including stuff about things you guys don't even know yet...  
>  _ **The FBI would like to know your location**_
> 
> On an other note,  
> Sometimes I scroll past my own story when I'm looking for something new to read and it goes something like this -->  
> Me: ''Ooooh that looks interesting!.....Oh wait, that's my story...Nevermind,''


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh, see that new tag?  
> Weird...  
> I wonder what it's doing there.
> 
> ┬┴┬┴┤ ͜ʖ ͡°) ├┬┴┬┴

{Chan}

We were finally back in the dorms. It had been a tiring day even though it had been cut short. The police had come and we had explained everything before we got sent home.

And even though we had been strictly told not to watch the livestream, I was glued to the laptop on the table in the living room. My mind screamed at me to stop watching, but somehow I just couldn’t. Seeing Jisung gave me some sort of reassurance, that there was still time even though he looked awful. Fortunately for me, I wasn’t the only one who felt that way so Minho sat on my left side and Changbin on my right while the rest of the members made an attempt to sleep.

There wasn’t much going on as we could see Jisung sitting in the corner with a blanket wrapped around him. He was staring at something on the other side of the room, which I assumed was just the wall, as he muttered something to himself. He looked lost, like he wasn’t really present and that scared me.

‘’This is so f*cked up,’’ Minho whispered beside me.

I looked at him but his eyes were stuck on the screen. I could see the sadness and anger and I was pretty sure we all felt that way. Letting out a little sigh, I petted his knee and turned back to the screen.

‘’What is that?,’’ Changbin asked as he pointed at something between Jisung’s fingers.

I squinted my eyes and moved a bit closer to see the object better. It took a while but I recognised the object after I saw it reflecting the light of the small bulb hanging from the ceiling.

‘’It looks like a razor-blade,’’ I muttered, still not really sure.

‘’Why would he have that? How did he even get it?,’’ Changbin asked.

I was confused as well.

“I don’t know…,’’ I replied.

And just as I was about to dismiss it, Jisung seemed to accidentality cut the palm of his hand and he dropped the blade, eyes doubling in size.

‘’Idiot… he’s so clumsy,’’ Minho whispered, seemingly unbothered. But I could see the concern in his eyes.

I was about to agree when I saw Jisung picking up the little blade again. He looked at it intently before holding it firmly between his fingers in his right hand. His eyes looked empty and it was a foreign look in Jisungies eyes. It was something I had never seen before and my breathing hitched.

‘’What is he doing?,’’ Changbin spoke as we saw Jisung had pulled up his left sleeve, eyeing his arm as he spun the blade between his fingers.

Somehow it clicked. The look in his eyes, the movement of his hands.

And before I could look away, Jisung drug the blade across the skin on his forearm.

My heart cracked and tears welled up in my eyes.

This wasn’t our Jisung.

This wasn’t him.

And someone else was the cause of it.

‘’What is he doing?!,’’ Minho now yelled.

‘’No no no no….,’’ Changbin rambled.

I could feel the panic in the room rise as Jisung repeated what he had done two times before coming to his senses. I could see his eyes widen, the fog disappearing, as he looked down at his arm and he hurdled the blade away from him. He was now shaking and crying, his face glistering in the small amount of light.

‘’They have to get him out of there!,’’ Minho yelled as he sprung up from the floor.

‘’They will Minho,’’ I croaked out in an attempt to calm him down.

Freaking out wasn’t going to help anyone and I repeated that in my head over and over in order not to hurdle the laptop out of the window.

‘’But why is it taking so long? F*cking hell!,’’ He screamed as he started pacing.

‘’Minho, calm down,’’ Changbin tried, only to be met with an angry glare from Minho.

‘’Shut up,’’ Minho hissed as his breathing quickened.

I could see him getting angrier and angrier as he paced around, his face flushing red.

Changbin looked at me and I shook my head, telling him to let it go.

‘’I think we should stop watching,’’ I said and without waiting for a response I closed the laptop. Changbin saw this as a sign to get up and get a shower, leaving me and Minho alone in the living room.

‘’Minho, stop pacing and breathe okay?,’’ I spoke as I got up from the floor.

Minho ignored me just as I had expected. When he got worked up about something he would get lost in thought, ignoring everyone and everything around him. I stepped in front of him and stopped him by placing my hands on his shoulders. This seemed to snap him out of his own head and he threw me a confused look, his breathing still ragged. 

‘’You were pacing. Come sit down,’’ I explained.

He gave me a little nod and didn’t struggle as I pulled him to sit on the couch with me.

‘’Tell me what your thinking Minho,’’ I tried, turning my body sideways so I could face him.

He let out a sigh and rubbed his face before speaking up.

‘’It’s just… It all seems so unreal you know? Like it is all some f*cked up prank or something. But then we get played like this and it just hurts,’’ He angrily whispered. 

It was a bit confusing, his words didn’t make a lot of sense objectively but I got the gist of what he meant. And I agreed.

‘’I get it,’’ I replied.

‘’It just makes me so angry and there is nothing I can do about it,’’ Minho continued, ’'Sungie is out there living a nightmare and I feel guilty for being here,’’

By now he was crying and I did not know what to say. There was nothing I could say to make it right, no matter how much I wanted there to be something I could do to make it all okay. I settled for embracing him. So we sat in silence as I let Minho cry.

‘’It will turn out okay in the end. We have to believe that,’’ I whispered.

‘’But what if it doesn’t? What if we never get him back?,’’ Minho responded.

Minho’s words felt like a truck hitting me. I suddenly realised that I had to acknowledge the fact that there was a possibility we would never see him again. As much as I had wanted to not think about that, Minho had made those thoughts resurface.

And I held him a bit closer.

 

{Jisung}

I felt so stupid. I shouldn’t have done that but it felt right in the moment. Something inside me had urged me to use the little blade and before I knew it I was bleeding. But I felt calm, even though I had shocked myself with my own actions. It was as if my mind and feelings were sedated and it felt right. I could breathe and my muscles were free of tension. My mind had slowed down and right now it was empty.

So I just stared at the little dots on my blankets. I had hid the blade in a big crack in the wall near my head and it was barely visible so I knew Jiwoon or Jaeho would probably never find it. The cuts on my arm weren’t very deep so they had stopped bleeding a long time ago. I was grateful for the black sweatpants, convinced that the blood that I had wiped away from my arm wouldn’t be visible on the fabric. I was exhausted so I moved to lay on the floor. I pulled the pillow under my head and wrapped myself tightly in the blanket before closing my eyes and drifting off.

 

I got woken up by two people talking next to me. When I opened my eyes I saw Jaeho and Jiwoon standing near the door. As fast as I could I closed my eyed again and pretended to sleep, trying to keep my breathing steady.

‘’This has gone on for long enough. We have to make a decision today,’’ Jaeho spoke.

‘’It’s fine. We don’t have to rush,’’ Jiwoon replied. I could practically hear him rolling his eyes.

‘’I think you’ve had enough fun. I followed your plan because it was supposed to be done quickly but you’ve been dragging this out since day one. I think your motive isn't what you told me it was and I’m sick of it,’’ Jaeho hissed back.

‘’Do you have anything better to do? I know you don’t so stop acting like a little kid and just listen to me,’’ Jiwoon responded, his voice slightly raised.

‘’I’m done with aiding your sick ways! This wasn’t the deal so I most certainly don’t have to listen to you,’’ Jaeho yelled and I instinctively flinched.

‘’Shut up. We’ll finish this conversation later. It seems like my little squirrel is awake,’’ I heard Jiwoon say.

I knew I couldn’t fake being asleep anymore so I did my best to pretend I was just waking up. Opening my eyes ever so slowly, I saw Jiwoon looking at me.

‘’No, we are going to finish this conversation now. I don’t care if ‘your little squirrel’ is awake or not,’’ Jaeho spat at Jiwoon.

I sat op slowly and pretended to be confused, which wasn't very difficult to be honest. Luckily they seemed to buy it as Jiwoon smiled before making his way over to me, only to be stopped by Jaeho grabbing his arm. I could see Jiwoon’s face turn dark before he turned towards Jaeho who was glaring at him with everything he had.

‘’It would be wise to let me go Jaeho,’’ Jiwoon growled.

The sound of it made my heart speed up and my chest contract. I had heard that tone plenty of times and I knew it didn’t mean anything good.

‘’Don’t tell me what to do. You listen to me now, for once,’’ Jaeho hissed, still clutching Jiwoon’s arm.

The tension in the room wrapped around me like a blanket and it became difficult to breathe. I could not look away from the two men in front of me, scared of what could happen.  
Then Jiwoon suddenly pulled back a fist and connected it to Jaeho’s face. Jaeho screamed just after a sickening crack could be heard. Jaeho stumbled and his hand flew to his nose, which was bleeding.

‘’You motherf*cker!,’’

And with that the two man were fighting. I pressed myself into the corner as much as possible but I almost got hit anyways. They were all over the place and I didn’t know what to do. I could only watch as Jiwoon tackled Jaeho to the ground and started punching him in the face, right in front of me.

It was a horrifying sight and I closed my eyes, keeping them shut as tightly as possible.

I heard grunts and screams echoing from the walls along with the sound of bone connecting to bone.

The smell of blood started to fill the room and I felt nauseous. 

The screams had stopped and only the sound of something hitting the ground could be heard.

Curiosity took the best of me and I peeked out of one eye. 

Jiwoon was on top of Jaeho, his grip on the latter's hair and he was bashing his head against the concrete underneath them.

My eyes shot open as I spotted little splatters of blood all around me. 

Horrified, I looked at my feet and saw red. 

I hurriedly looked at Jaeho and I saw that there was a pool of blood on the floor under his head. Every time Jiwoon crashed Jaeho’s head down, little droplets went flying in every direction. The horrendous sight reminded me of the Plagues of Egypt. It was as if clouds had picked up the blood out of the Nile, making it rain red all around me.

I registered something warm and wet getting on my face. With shaking hands I touched my face. Looking down at my hands I saw red and I realised that it was blood. 

Jaeho’s blood. 

The taste of bile made its way into my mouth and I had to use everything in me not to throw up. 

Suddenly Jiwoon let go of Jaeho and got up. He let out a growl and wiped his hands on his jeans.

Jaeho lay there silently, not moving at all. 

As if in a trance, I slowly moved away from the corner and I reached out to the motionless body in front of me.

I lay my hand on Jaeho’s chest and my heart dropped.

His lungs weren’t expanding and I did not feel a heartbeat.

And I realised he was dead.

Jiwoon had killed him.

He had killed him with his bare hands.

He had gotten angry and killed him.

I let out a scream at the realisation and moved backwards, shrinking into my corner.

He was insane.

Jiwoon was insane.

He was a murderer. 

I had to get out.

But as much as I wanted to run, my body shut down. The only thing filling my vision was the body in front of me and red. I just saw red everywhere.

‘’It’s okay darling. He wanted to separate us but he won’t anymore,’’ Jiwoon whispered as he pulled me into his arms. 

I hadn’t noticed him approaching me and panic filled my mind, instincts kicking in. 

I screamed and cried as I struggled to push Jiwoon away, his arms only getting tighter around me. 

It felt gross. 

He was covered in blood and it stuck to my clothes. 

The scent of blood hung thick in the air. It smelled as if I was stuck in a very bad horror movie.

I just couldn’t anymore. 

I couldn’t stop shaking. 

I was exhausted.

My brain had shut down.

I didn’t even try anymore as Jiwoon placed a kiss on my lips. I didn’t even try to push him away as he moved on top of me.

And then there was only more pain, more blood sticking to my skin.

I felt sick. 

But I was too tired to do anything about it so I just lay there and let him.

My head became too heavy and the feeling in my limbs was suddenly gone. My vision darkened and the last thing I registered was Jiwoon wiping away the tears on my face with blood-stained hands before I stopped fighting the weird feeling overtaking my head.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I should be practising my violin lesson but priorities right?

{Woojin}

Someone was moving next to me. I barely noticed it but there was definitely someone next to me. I slowly opened my eyes to see who or what had woken me up and I was disoriented for a second before I remembered where I was.

I was laying in Chan’s bed with Minho stuck next to me. He was snoring quietly. I peeked over Minho and saw Chan sleeping on the other side of him, holding Minho in a dead grip as if he was afraid the younger boy would disappear if he wouldn’t. 

It was an endearing sight, but I felt a pang in my chest nonetheless. Chan had brought Minho in the room last night, ushered him into his bed and tucked him in. Minho had looked sad and tired. Him asking for us to sleep next to him had given away how exhausted he had been. Minho was known for acting cold and he usually did a damn good job of upholding the image, but even he had a breaking point.Everyone was at their breaking point, I could tell.

So without any questions or objections I had snuggled in next to him, Chan following hours later after Minho had already fallen asleep. Chan had been sleeping more than usual, despite all the worrying he did, which meant he was too tired to handle it all.

Seeing as light was making their way through the curtains, I got up slowly to make sure I wouldn’t wake the boys up with the movement.  
I pulled the blanket higher to cover them and snuck out of the room.

Before getting to the kitchen I decided to check up on the other boys. But as I passed the living room, I saw a figure from the corner of my eye and I had to supress a yelp.

‘’Changbin! What are you doing here at this hour?,’’ I whisper-yelled. The clock on the wall had informed me that it was only six-thirty AM and the last person I expected to be up at this hour would be Changbin. He was sitting in front of the little table with a laptop in front of him. 

He looked at me but he didn’t say anything. Instead, he turned back to the laptop. I scanned his face and I saw he was paler than usual. His jaw was clenched and so were his fists.  
Even though I could guess what he was doing, I decided to ask.

‘’What are you looking at?,’’ I asked as I moved behind him to see what his eyes were locked on.

As I had suspected, it was the livestream. I was just about to scold him when I saw two people laying on the floor. One was clearly Jisung. He was laying in the corner of the room, trapped between the walls and the other guy, one I didn’t recognise. However, that didn’t matter. The other person was laying in a pool of blood.

‘’What…,’’ I squealed and I hurriedly sat down next to Changbin.

Being closer, I saw blood everywhere. It was splattered all along the floor and wall. But most of all, Jisung was covered in red. His white shirt seemed almost soaked in it and it was smeared across his face and in his hair.

My heart dropped and I didn’t know what to do. It was too much to process and I started freaking out.

‘’What happened Changbin?!,’’ I now yelled.

He turned towards me and I saw the fear in his eyes.

‘’I don’t know. It was already like this when I started watching. But if you ask me, I think that man isn’t… alive,’’ Changbin whispered, ‘’I have been watching for almost two hours now and that guy hasn’t moved an inch,’’

‘’And Jisungie?,’’ I asked.

Things had now taken a turn for the worse. If what Changbin suspected was true, Jisung’s chances of getting out of there, breathing, were getting slimmer by the day.

‘’I think he’s sleeping. I don’t thing he’s hurt much,’’ Changbin replied.

 

{Changbin}

I knew it was stupid, but I hadn’t been able to sleep and the curiosity had been killing me. So even though my body and mind had protested, I had gotten out of bed at around four in the morning.

‘’Should we like, tell the others?,’’ I asked Woojin.

‘’I….. I don’t know,’’ He replied after thinking for a minute.

Apparently, we both didn’t know what would be a wise thing to do. I didn’t want to keep secrets. I didn’t want to lie to my brothers, but I knew that it would hurt everyone and make them even more worried.

I was worried. I had tried to comprehend what my eyes were seeing by myself but with Woojin now next to me I felt myself relax.

I made a decision.

It was nine or none.

Well, symbolically at the moment. 

‘’I think we should,’’ I spoke as I got up from the floor.

Woojin looked conflicted but gave me a little nod and stood up next to me.

‘’You’re right. But let’s let them sleep a bit longer. We can make breakfast for everyone?,’’ He replied with a sigh.

‘’Sure,’’ I replied and I followed Woojin into the kitchen, leaving the laptop open on the table.

 

Even though we didn’t really have a lot of food, we managed to throw breakfast together anyways. I made a mental note to make sure we did some grocery shopping today as I stirred the stew boiling on the stove.

‘’How are you doing?,’’ Woojin suddenly asked.

I turned to look at him but he kept his eyes trained on the egg he was frying.

‘’What?,’’ I replied, a bit confused at the question.

‘’I mean, with all of this? How are you feeling?,’’ He clarified, now looking me dead in the eyes.

I hadn’t really thought about how I felt about the situation. Emotions wasn’t something I was very good at, or at least, acknowledging them. While rapping it came easy but otherwise I was great at disconnecting.

However, thinking about Jisungie did make me mad. It was uncomfortable and this itchy feeling in my veins just grew as the image of the man on top of Jisung flashed before me. It was the most horrible thing someone could do. It was the most horrible thing someone could do to our Jisungie.

And it made me scared. Scared of how Jisung would be if, when, we would get him back. The fact that I maybe would never see that beaming smile again made me furious.

‘’I hate it. I’m disgusted and worried,’’ I hissed, feeling my face heat up as I rushed out the words. 

Woojin let out a little hum and refocussed on the eggs. A minute of silence passed and just as I was about to turn back to the stew, Woojin spoke up.

‘’You know, as long as Jisung has us when he gets back it will turn out okay eventually,’’

The conversation stilled after that. I was stuck in my head and couldn’t get out. 

 

{Seungmin}

_There was a door right in front of me. It was big and looked heavy but I pushed it open with ease. The room I stepped into was pitch black. The door closed behind me on its own and I was standing in darkness._

_Then I heard someone laughing joyfully. It became louder and louder and suddenly the whole room was engulfed in light.  
A boy was standing in front of me with his back towards me._

_There was a giggle and I figured it was the boy. I took as step towards him, curiosity leading me. I reached out to touch his shoulder and he suddenly turned around._

_I tried to scream as I looked at the boy’s face. It was all blurred and it was impossible to see any facial features._

_‘’Hyung,’’ the boy spoke and I took a step back._

_‘’Help,’’ he said and suddenly there was a dark shadow behind him._

_The shadow then slowly wrapped itself around the boy and I could hear crying._

My eyes shot open and I was hit by the light coming through the curtains. I laid there blinking for a little while as I tried to settle down.

I hadn’t told anyone about my nightmares and I wasn’t planning on doing that. Everyone was struggling and it wasn’t as if they could help anyways.

Still, it maybe would be nice to be able to talk to someone. The nightmares had started out small but they had grown more terrifying over the last few days. They were always different, the only constant thing being the boy, which I assumed was Jisung.

And the helpless feeling. In every scenario I tried to help but all attempts were always futile.

I let out a sigh and turned towards my nightstand. I reached for my phone to see what time it was but I got interrupted by a voice.

‘’Good morning hyung,’’

I looked to the other bed in the room and saw Felix looking at me dazedly, head still half buried underneath his blanket. He looked adorable, really.

‘’Morning,’’ I replied before getting out of bed, ’’Did you sleep well? I heard you tossing and turning last night,’’

Felix just shook his head but did not elaborate further. Not that it was really needed; I could guess why not. I gave him a sympathetic smile and he buried himself further under his blanket. Felix was probably trying to sleep some more so I tried to be as quiet as I could be as I pulled on a sweater and left the room.

The house was quiet, but I could hear soft noises coming from the kitchen. Making my way over I passed the living room and a laptop on the table caught my eye. Unsuspecting, I took a glance at the screen. I felt my body jolt a bit when I saw Jisung covered in red.

I tried not freak out as I hurried into the kitchen. Woojin and Changbin were cooking something and apparently hadn’t noticed me entering.

‘’What’s wrong with Jisung?,’’ I almost yelled.

Changbin dropped the spoon he was holding, the piece of metal disappearing into the stew, and turned around.

‘’Bro, you scared me!,’’ He huffed, pressing his hand to his chest.

I waited for a few seconds as Changbin fished the spoon out of the pot but neither of the guys responded to my question.

‘’Hyung, why is Jisung covered in blood?,’’ I asked, turning to Woojin.

‘’We don’t really know, but it probably isn’t his,’’ He replied while flipping an egg.

‘’I think its from the guy laying on the floor in front of him,’’ Changbin continued.

There was another person? It seemed like I had missed that.

‘’What in heavens name is going on…,’’ I muttered to myself.

I didn’t even bother to ask who had been watching and why. That didn’t matter. I knew that sooner than later someone would be too curious to see what was going on with Jisung.

‘’We’ll talk about it later. Can you wake the other members up? We’re almost done,’’ Woojin said as he moved the fried egg from the pan onto a plate.

I knew that now was not the moment to fire more questions at the two guys so I gave a little nod and moved to wake the other members up.

 

After ten minutes, everyone was finally gathered in the living room with food stuffed in their mouth. Woojin and Changbin had explained what was going on and Changbin had received quite the scolding from Chan for watching the livestream.

Funny enough, all our eyes were now stuck on the screen as we slowly munched away. Nothing had changed but we still watched. Jisung was clearly sleeping, but he looked uncomfortable. Fidgety, even in his sleep. It was a sad thing to watch.

Then something happened.

Jisung jolted awake and someone stepped into the room.

 

{Jisung}

A loud sound ripped me out of my sleep, making me sit up by reflex. I looked at the source of the sound and I saw Jiwoon standing in the doorway, eyes trained on the floor in front of me. I wondered what he was looking at so I followed his line of sight.

The nausea hit me immediately when my eyes landed on the body in front of me. Last nights events came rushing back to me and I could feel myself starting to shake. Suddenly I became aware of the smell hanging in the room.

‘’Good morning sweetie!,’’ Jiwoon suddenly yelled.

I couldn’t look away from Jaeho. It was as if I was under a spell. This wasn’t real. It couldn’t be real.

Hands cupped my face and I was snapped out of my trace. My head got directed to the side and I was looking at Jiwoon who was now sitting next to me.

‘’Sungie,’’ Jiwoon growled, his nails almost digging into my cheeks.

_There goes my nickname._

‘’Good morning,’’ I whispered out as I evaded looking at him.

Jiwoon was crazy. Murder was now added to his list of crimes and the whole atmosphere had changed. Even though being here was hell, I always had hope that I would get out some day. But not anymore.

The fear of dying became prominent.

I could really die.

I could really get killed by the man in front of me. He had proven to be capable enough.

Now it was a matter of live or death.

‘’Look at me,’’ Jiwoon hissed as he pulled my face closer.

So I did. I really had to keep him happy now.

‘’Manners, baby boy,’’ He whispered as he glared at me.

My heart sped up as Jiwoon leaned in and kissed me. My lungs contracted and I had to use everything in me not to move away. I felt Jiwoon’s tongue running across my lower lip and a shiver ran down my spine. His hands had made it to my waist and he hoisted me in his lap with a violent tug, pressing me down on him with all his strength.

My muscles stiffened and my brain screamed at me to get away but I couldn’t. I knew I physically couldn’t, and shouldn’t.

Jiwoon let at a low growl as I kept my lips pressed together tightly. He moved a hand under my shirt and suddenly dragged his nails across my skin. The sudden pain caused me to let out a distressed squeal that sounded pathetic even to me.

Jiwoon took the chance and shoved his tongue into my mouth and I realised he had scratched me on purpose.

It was gross, It was disgusting, but I just had to accept it.

Finally he pulled away from my lips and I took in a much needed breath.

‘’You are so hot baby boy. Especially with that blood on your face,’’ He whispered before attaching his lips to my neck.

I couldn’t breathe properly. My lungs hurt and my body trembled.

Jiwoon was leaving hickeys on my neck and his hands were now roaming the skin underneath my sweater. 

I started to panic for real when he grinded up against me. He pulled me even closer and even with the layers of fabric between us, I could feel him getting hard as he continued the motion.

It was when the first moan came that the tears started streaming down my face. I wanted to get away so badly.

_Life or death, Jisung._

So I stayed there, my eyes fixed on the door, as Jiwoon chased an orgasm and moaned into my ear.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So let me rant (ง'̀-'́)ง  
> I woke up this morning and saw that Stray Kids are coming to Europe. So I was totally hyped right?  
> I live in The Netherlands and it's easy to go to another European country. Like, I can be driving on the highway in my country, take the wrong exit and suddenly I'm in Belgium, Luxemburg or Germany. So guess I'm flying to Berlin, was my thought.
> 
> Sike.  
> I kinda remembered that I will be on holiday in Poland end July begin August...
> 
> So I'm a real sad potato at the moment ಠ_ಥ
> 
> Fuck me


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Double update 'cause why not.

{Minho}

‘’The motherf*cker!,’’ I yelled.

The man was definitely trying to get off and Jisungie was crying. This was so wrong. So, so wrong.

After what felt like ages the man seemed to come as he halted his movement and gripped onto Jisung harder. 

I felt my blood boil as the man roughly pushed Jisung off of him to get up. It looked like he was saying something to Jisung before moving towards the body on the floor, lifting it up and stalking out of the room.

Jisung slowly got up, stared into nothingness for a few seconds and turned with his face towards the wall behind him.

‘’What is he doing?,’’ Felix wondered out loud.

I studied his movement and I saw that he was tracing his fingers along the wall.

I raised a brow.

_Why is he doing that?_

A few minutes passed like that before he turned back around.

And then he screamed. We couldn’t hear it, but we could see it.

He fell to his knees and screamed.

My heart shattered at the sight.

He was so hurt and helpless.

‘’Sungie…,’’ Hyunjin whispered.

I couldn’t stand it anymore.

‘’F*ck this,’’ I hissed and got up. Before anyone could stop me I retreated to our room, slamming the door behind me.

‘’Breathe Minho. Breathe,’’ I whispered to myself as I paced around the bedroom.

As much as I tried to calm down, it didn’t work. All the images we had seen flashed by in my mind and it filled me with rage. It wasn’t fair. Life wasn’t fair. Jisungie had done nothing to deserve all of this, he really hadn’t, and that made it all feel so much more unfair.

In a blind fit of rage, I grabbed the first thing my hands could find and hurled it at the wall with all my strength. I was so angry and I could hear my own blood rush through my body.

‘’F*cking hell!,’’ I yelled and gripped my hair.

Suddenly Chan came in. He didn’t say anything as he pried my hands out of my hair and held my hands.

My breathing was laboured and it was so hot in the room.

‘’Minho,’’ Chan spoke gently.

Jisungie was alone. I was scared for him.

‘’Minho!,’’ Chan yelled.

Jisung was hurt and scared and alone and not here and-

''Lee Minho!,''

And I snapped out of it. I turned to look at him and I saw concern written all over his face.

‘’Count to ten with me okay?,’’ Chan spoke as he rubbed circles on the back of my hands with his thumbs.

I didn't get why he wanted to, but then I realised that my head was pounding and it was too hot so I nodded. Chan and I had used this strategy before and it worked. He started counting and I counted with him. At five I could breathe better again. At eight, my heart slowed down and at ten I felt tired.

‘’Take a shower and relax okay? Maybe sleep some more?,’’ Chan suggested as he squeezed my hand.

I nodded again and he smiled at me.

‘’Sorry,’’ I muttered, ashamed for freaking out like that.

‘’It’s okay. Just buy me a new dragon ball-figurine for my birthday okay?,’’ He chuckled at the last part.

I figured that Chan’s beloved figurine was the object I had hurdled at the wall and I felt sorry for it.

‘’I will,’’ I replied.

Chan then ushered me to the bathroom, promising to get some clothes for me.

I still felt a bit shaky while undressing and getting into the shower. My body was coming down from an adrenaline rush and it made me feel a little bit unstable. However, once the warm water hit me I felt instantly better and I let out a sigh.

‘’We’ll get you out Jisungie…,’’ I whispered to myself, ‘’We’ll get you back,’’

 

{Jisung}

The rest of the day was a blur.

Jiwoon had carried Jaeho’s lifeless body out of the room and made me clean up the blood on the floor. No matter how hard I scrubbed, the floor was still stained red and I knew I would have to deal with that for the rest of my stay.

Fortunately Jiwoon was nice enough to let me shower and had gotten me knew clothes so I was no longer covered in blood.

I had spent the rest of the day staring at that damn stain on the concrete floor. 

And as harsh as it sounded, I realised that Jaeho’s death meant it would be easier for me to get out of this place. Now I only had to consider Jiwoon. He had told me before that he had a job which meant he wasn’t home all the time.

So right now I was thinking about all my possible options.

To fight him and run?

Or figuring out his schedule and get out when he isn’t around?

I shook my head at the thought of trying to fight Jiwoon. It was too risky. For some reason I had thought that one little razor blade could help, but it dawned on me that it wouldn’t.  
So observing it was, but it would be too difficult to do that. After all, I was stuck in this basement.

I wrecked my brain and then I got an idea.

One that made my skin crawl. 

One that made me nauseous just thinking about it. 

One that would definitely work if I played my cards well.

It was perfect.

And as fate would have it, the door swung open again and Jiwoon stepped in, humming.

‘’Sungieee!,’’ He laughed.

_Time to act._

‘’Hyung!,’’ I replied, faking a big smile.

_I hate this._

Jiwoon stopped dead in his tracks and gave me a puzzled look. He was definitely confused by my change of demeanour. 

‘’Well someone is feeling great this afternoon…,’’ He spoke with his brow raised.

I chose not to reply and just continued smiling at him before standing up.

_You can do it._

Repeating the words over and over in my head, I closed the distance between me and Jiwoon and hugged him. I felt him stiffen before he relaxed and hugged me back.

I already regretted my plan.

He combed my hair with his fingers and I had to keep myself from backpaddling. Jiwoon placed a kiss on my head before backing away.

‘’I think I like you even more like this,’’ He chuckled.

My cheeks were already cramping up but I ignored the dull ache as I kept that smile plastered on my face.

‘’I came to get you for dinner. I wanted to eat together again,’’ He spoke and grabbed my wrist before dragging me out of the room.

 

A few minutes later I was sat at the table with Jiwoon sitting on the other side. This time there were no handcuffs and I took that as a good sign.

Eating was still as difficult as ever, maybe even more since I was nervous. I had a plan I needed to follow and I could not screw up. So I tried my best to swallow everything Jiwoon shoved into my mouth, making sure to thank him every time.

‘’Do you like it? You’re eating more than usual.’’ Jiwoon asked.

‘’It’s delicious Hyung. You’re a good cook,’’ I replied, adding a giggle to sell the act.

_Good, good._

The compliment seemed to please him as his eyes lit up. 

Jiwoon kept rambling for the rest of dinner. I didn’t really pay attention as I tried to sneak glances at the windows in the room. They were quite big and they didn’t look like they had locks on them at all. There were only those little handles you had to turn to open and close them. Nice.

‘’-If you behave okay?,’’

I looked at Jiwoon and could read from his face that he had asked me a question which I hadn’t heard while observing the room we were in.

‘’S-sorry?,’’ I asked.

Fortunately for me, Jiwoon didn’t seem to mind that I hadn’t been paying attention to what he was saying.

‘’I said that if you behave well the next couple of days that maybe you can live here with me,’’ He repeated.

My heart jumped and I didn’t hesitate to nod happily.

Jiwoon still confused me though. He was so capricious. He could change by the second. Apparently just one hug and some smiles had him thinking that it was a wonderful idea to go and play house with me. He seriously did whatever he wanted, whenever he wanted.

‘’Let’s get you back. I have work in an hour and I can’t let you stay here alone, now can I?,’’ Jiwoon stated.

So he wasn’t THAT stupid.

 

{Chan}

As I left the bedroom, I tried to be as quiet as possible. Minho was finally back asleep in his bed after his little breakdown. I had never seen him lose his temper this much in such a short time span, but I didn’t think it was weird. We all had our ways of dealing with things. Minho’s was getting angry. Of course, we all got angry but not in the way Minho did. He couldn’t push it away because he didn’t allow it to be replaced by sadness.

I made my way to the living room and saw that Changbin, Hyunjin and Felix were still sitting in front of the laptop. 

‘’Where’s the rest?,’’ I asked as I sat down on the couch behind them.

As much as I hated to admit, I wanted to know what was going on with Jisungie at all times as well. I looked at the screen and I was Jisung sitting in the corner again. This time the body was gone along with the puddle of blood. It looked like Jisung had showered as well as he was wearing new clothes and his skin was no longer littered with red specks. 

‘’They are grocery-shopping,’’ Hyunjin answered.

I gave a little hum to indicate that I had heard him.

‘’Hyung, Jisung was acting weird,’’ Felix suddenly spoke, turning away from the screen to look at me.

‘’How do you mean?,’’ I asked, genuinely confused by the statement.

It was quiet for a bit before Changbin decided to elaborate. 

‘’He was smiling up and hugged that man,’’

That was indeed weird. For a split second my mind screamed ‘Stockholm Syndrome’ at me but I quickly pushed that away as the term filled me with even more fear.

I didn’t know what to say so we left it at that. We stopped watching actively after about twenty minutes. Nothing had changed anyways. But we did leave the laptop running just in case.

I heard the front door open and the others walked in, carrying bags full of stuff.

Woojin appeared in the living room and didn’t say anything as he motioned for me to follow him. I walked behind him and we ended up in the kitchen, the others already leaving after dumping their bags.

Woojin started putting away everything and I did the same. I figured that Woojin wanted to talk about something but I didn’t want to press so I waited for him to start speaking. It was only after I put the last bottle of juice in the fridge when he cleared his throat.

‘’I’m worried Chan,’’ He spoke.

I turned towards him and he was leaning against the counter with his arms crossed, eyes staring into mine.

‘’We all are Woojin. Sungie is being held by a horrible excuse of a human and he’s hurt,’’ I replied.

‘’I’m not just worried about Jisungie. I’m worried about all of us. Everyone is stuck in this place where they can’t get out of until Jisungie is back. But the truth is, we don’t know how long that will take and if it will even happen,’’ Woojin started off strong but his voice was merely a whisper at the end of it.

‘’Felix is getting thinner and thinner by the day, Minho just keeps blowing up, Jeongin cries himself to sleep almost every night, Hyunjin is barely sleeping, Changbin is just not present most of the time and I’m pretty sure Seungmin is having trouble sleeping as well,’’ Woojin said.

I let out a sigh and closed my eyes for a bit. Woojin was right. The other members were slowly crumbling inside and that made everything even worse.

‘’I see the guilt on your face. I know your headaches returned. Everything about you just screams anxiety,’’ Woojin whispered, still looking at me.

Had Woojin always been this perceptive?

And I realised that maybe I hadn’t been paying as much attention to the other members as I should’ve. 

‘’What about you?,’’ I asked.

Woojin’s face fell.

‘’I just feel miserable,’’ He replied.

Silence filled the air as we just stared at each other. I felt bad for Woojin. At the moment he was the one that kept us running for the most part even though it was my job as the leader. But at the same time I knew that it helped him too. Woojin liked doing practical things to district him. 

‘’You want to help?,’’ Woojin suddenly asked as he waved a frying pan around.

‘’Sure,’’ I replied.

We cooked in silence, only the sound of meat hissing in the pan filling the kitchen.

 

{Jisung}

A couple of days passed and I started hating being here even more. Pretending was taking its toll on my sanity and it was exhausting. Jiwoon seemed to buy all of it though and that was all that mattered at the moment. 

Yesterday I had pulled out my ultimate card.

I had kissed him, thinking it was a smart move.

And it was disgusting.

I had regretted it as soon as I felt the hands start wandering my body.

I had regretted it when he had pushed me down on the floor and climbed on top of me.

I had regretted it as minutes later he came with his hand once again wrapped around my throat.

It was my own fault. I had started it and I couldn’t back away. However, I couldn’t stop myself from crying the whole time but Jiwoon hadn’t cared.  
By now I figured he got turned on whenever I struggled or cried. That sadistic mother*cker.

Dread suddenly crashed down on me as yesterday kept replaying in my head. I had really done it now. I had really let him without fighting back. And even though it was part of the plan to please him, my own behaviour made me feel pathetic. 

My heart sped up and it got difficult to breathe.

I shut my eyes as tightly as possible and gripped my shirt. Now wasn’t the time to panic. It was never the time to panic. Not here.

I tried to count but it didn’t work. My mind became hazier and tears welled up in my eyes.

_Don’t freak out._

_Don’t freak out._

_Everything is okay._

_You’re fine._

Nothing worked.

It felt as if my heart was getting crushed and the air was heavy, not settling properly in my lungs.

I couldn’t think straight.

And because of that, I was now clutching the razor-blade that had been hidden in a crack in the wall next to me between my fingers.

_Breathe._

I couldn’t see. My vision was clouded by tears and black spots.

_Don’t black out._

I missed the members so much. I missed my own bed.

I shot up and hastily pulled back my sleeve. I moved without thinking as I pressed the blade against my arm. The first cut was there before I could even try to stop myself. The second followed soon after. A third. And a fourth.

It was at eleven that my mind finally slowed down and the thoughts and images disappeared. I didn’t feel anything except from the stinging on my arm. I let out a shaky breath and blinked a few times until my vision was no longer corrupted. Once steady, I pushed the blade back into the crack and pressed my arm against my sweatpants. 

I was really going crazy.

This wasn’t okay and I knew it, but for now I excused myself. For now it was okay. Just until I got out. Until I was safe again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So,  
> After weeks of not feeling up to actually writing the last chapter of this story and spending my time writing my next one (Again Jisung-centred, Medieval AU, Adventure, Slight angst, Minsung and all the great stuff), I finally started yesterday, woop woop.  
> And because the final chapters are coming up I will try to finish writing it later tonight, maybe tomorrow, and update all the remaining chapters in one go because things will be going down rapidly. Plus so you guys can get all the feels ;)
> 
> Btw does anyone even read this? If you do, let me know your favourite colour in the comments. Mine is blue, and I died when Jisung had died his hair dark blue because I'm weak for that sht.


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ┬┴┬┴┤(･_├┬┴┬┴   
> I noticed some spelling mistakes in previous chapters and I'll fix them later.  
> I kinda stopped reading it AGAIN right before I click ''Post'' because I read a chapter at least three times, fixing stuff, before copying it from word and pasting it in here.But sometimes I still miss things...  
> I think I almost know this story by heart now.

{Jisung}

Two more days passed by like that before Jiwoon announced that he had everything ready, whatever that meant. He didn’t even drag me out of the basement. He just softly pushed me up the stairs from behind me.

‘’So, I have a few rules,’’ Jiwoon spoke as he pushed me onto the couch, he himself standing in front of me.

I gave him a little nod.

‘’Okay. One, you have to do anything I say, otherwise you go back. Two, you cannot try to leave. Three, we will always eat every meal together. And last but not least… if you try to fight me I’ll make sure you never walk again,’’ He said, glaring at me.

There it was, the change in his behaviour. The last couple of days he had been smiling like a little child on Christmas and now he was basically threatening me.

‘’I understand hyung,’’ I replied.

‘’I really hope you do baby boy, otherwise I’d really have to do something about those pretty legs of yours,’’ He hissed.

_Walking on eggshells…_

‘’And don’t try to pull any sh*t. I’m watching your every move,’’ He growled.

Jiwoon sat down on the couch next to me and reached for the remote control, turning on the news before he looked at me again.

‘’Sungie,’’ He said as he patted his own thighs.

My heart dropped as I understood what he wanted me to do. I hated it. Apparently I was too slow for Jiwoon’s liking so he got a hold of my hips and tugged me in his lap. I flinched at the sudden contact but I willed myself to stay still.

‘’You smell nice,’’ Jiwoon whispered in my ear as he wrapped his arms around my waist.

‘’Thank you,’’ I whispered out, not trusting my voice to be any louder.

Jiwoon didn’t try to do anything else as we watched the news. I tried to follow what the news anchor was saying but I was too aware of Jiwoon’s skin against mine. It still felt like it burned. Almost boiling, in fact.

Jiwoon grip on my waist tightened as a picture of me filled the screen and the voice of the news anchor filled the room.

_‘’Han Jisung, part of the idol group Stray Kids, has been reported missing a few weeks ago by the members of his group. According to them, Han Jisung stayed behind after practising at their company to work on his own. The leader, Bang Chan, told police that they had agreed that he would be back at two in the morning but that he never returned. Police are saying that they are working around the clock to find the nineteen-year old’’._

As the woman was talking, video’s of me and the members were playing. Videos from concerts, videos from vlive, videos from tv shows. And it hurt to see myself, smiling and together with all the members. My muscles stiffened and sadness overwhelmed me.

_‘’JYP Entertainment still hasn’t released an official statement about the situation, but informed that there will be a press-conference the day after tomorrow at three in the afternoon. We will be there to broadcast this event’’._

I didn’t know I was crying and shaking until Jiwoon suddenly turned off the tv and turned me around in his arms, resulting in me straddling him, and gripped my shoulders.

‘’Stop,’’ He hissed in my face as he shook me.

But I couldn’t. I couldn’t stop myself from sobbing.

‘’You’re living with me now,’’ He growled.

I just nodded. My throat had closed up and I knew that I wouldn’t be able to form any coherent sentence even if I tried.

A hand landed on my cheek, hard, and my head snapped to the side because of it. The shock of his sudden outburst caused me to fall silent.

‘’Words, baby boy,’’ Jiwoon bellowed.

I ignored the stinging on my cheek and turned to look at Jiwoon. His face was red, veins on his neck showing. I swallowed the lump down my throat and took a deep breath.

‘’Yes. I’m sorry hyung,’’ I managed to squeeze out.

Scanning his face, I could see he was conflicted about what to do next. It was as if he was holding himself back. I sprung to action before he could come to a decision.

I quickly closer the gap between us and placed a kiss on his lips. Jiwoon responded only for a second before he pushed me away. 

_What?_

‘’Don’t think it’s that easy, Sungie,’’ He almost mocked, eyes narrowed.

I didn’t even have time to respond before he pushed me off and got up. He grabbed my wrist and started dragging me into the hallway. My heart dropped. Thinking I was done for, I threw my plan out of the window and tried to pry his fingers off of my wrist. 

‘’I-i-it hurts Hyung!,’’ I screeched.

I was surely going back into the basement. 

_No no no!_

_Not again._

But to my surprise he suddenly opened a door on our left, right in front of the bathroom.

‘’Here I am, cooking you meals and giving you clothes but you’re just being an ungrateful b*tch!,’’ He screamed as he threw me inside the room.

I quickly turned around but Jiwoon stepped out of the room and shut the door in my face. I could hear a lock turning.

‘’Sorry! Hyung!,’’ I yelled as I flew to the door handle. It didn’t budge.

‘’You just think about what you did wrong. You can get out once you’ve figured it out,’’ Jiwoon spoke through the door. Then I heard him walking away.

‘’Hyung! Please let me out!,’’ I sobbed, but there was no response.

I gave up after a few minutes. It wasn’t going to work. I just had to wait until Jiwoon was in a better mood.

I turned back around and slid down the door. I took in my surroundings and saw that I was in a bedroom. There wasn’t much, just a bed actually. The walls were painted burgundy. A large black carpet took up most of the floor.

Even though I was locked in a room again, I had to admit that I would chose this one over the basement any day.

I rested my head on my knees and took deep breaths.

_Two steps forward and one step back._

But that was still progress, right?

 

{Felix}

Time was creeping slowly today. I had woken up later than usual but that wasn’t strange anymore. Everyone had trouble sleeping and the fact that all our schedules had been cancelled for an unknown period of time gave us the change to get a bit more sleep.

We were currently eating lunch as Woojin and Chan had insisted, but I didn’t feel like eating so I just shoved the food around on my plate. 

‘’Felix, you got to eat,’’ Woojin spoke up.

I lifted my head. Everyone was already done, or close, leaving me the only one left. 

‘’I know, I know,’’ I muttered and shoved some rice in my mouth. I mindlessly chewed and swallowed, receiving a satisfied nod from Chan.

‘’So, I actually want to use this opportunity to talk to you guys,’’ Chan said.

He let out a sigh and looked at Woojin who gave him a little nod.

‘’We have been thinking, Woojin and I, and we thought that maybe it’s a good idea to pick up practicing again,’’ He continued.

‘’Wait what?!,’’ Minho asked, clearly irritated at Chan’s suggestion.

I scanned the member’s faces and I saw confusion. 

‘’What I meant to say is that we can’t keep spending our days like this. We’re just sitting around doing nothing and it’s not doing anyone any good,’’ Chan replied, looking us in the eye one by one.

What he said made sense although I didn’t feel like doing anything. Anything I did reminded me of Jisung in some way. Grocery-shopping? Jisung went alone once and had returned with all kinds of unnecessary stuff and had ended up being scolded by basically everyone. Dance practise? Jisung was quick to learn but time after time he would forget everything the next day and Minho had to teach him everything again. Watching tv? Jisung once tried to turn the tv off while I was playing a game with some other members but he couldn’t find the button to turn it off and made us crack up by spending five full minutes trying to find the little button.

And so on, and so on.

‘’I don’t know if I want to,’’ Seungmin replied.

‘’I know I don’t want to,’’ Minho added.

‘’Just hear us out guys. We think its good to do something with our time, even if its an hour a day. We’re not forcing anyone but please think about it,’’ Woojin said.

‘’We will Hyung,’’ Jeongin spoke.

And once again I was surprised by how mature our maknae was.

‘’Good. Now that that’s settled… Someone has to do the dishes,’’ Chan smirked.

‘’Changbin!,’’ We all yelled at the same time.

‘’Ya! Why are you guys always making me do it?,’’ Changbin protested.

‘’Thanks Changbin!,’’ Hyunjin yelled as we got up.

 

{Jisung}

‘’I hope you realised your wrongdoings,’’ Jiwoon said as he stepped into the room.

I sat up and swung my legs off the edge of the bed. The movement made me a little dizzy and I figured it was because I hadn’t eaten anything since yesterday. A big clock on the wall showed that I had been stuck in the room for over 24 hours.

Jiwoon stepped closer until he was right in front of me, looming over me with his tall and built figure.

I nodded.

‘’I’m sorry Hyung. I won’t do it again,’’ I whispered.

‘’I can’t hear you little squirrel,’’ Jiwoon said mockingly.

‘’I said I’m sorry and that I won’t do it again,’’ I replied, voice a bit a shaky despite my efforts.

Jiwoon nodded and smirked at me. It sent chills down my spine.

‘’I’ve got something for you,’’ He said as he crouched down in front of me.

He moved his hands in front of him and placed something on the floor before suddenly grabbing my ankle. I flinched at the contact but stayed still as Jiwoon rolled up my sweatpants a bit.

He grabbed the object from the floor. It looked a bit like a dog collar, but not really.

‘’This is so I don’t have to lock you up again,’’ Jiwoon spoke as he wrapped the band around my ankle.

‘’W-what is that?,’’ I asked as he tightened the thing before connecting the two ends. Something poked into my ankle and it hurt a bit.

‘’Don’t worry, its just a shock collar,’’ He replied as the fiddled with the tiny buckle.

I let out a gasp at his answer. 

‘’What? B-but those are for d-dogs,’’ I muttered, feeling slightly panicked.

‘’I know. But it will do,’’ He hissed back as he got back up.

I was appalled. If I didn’t feel like a caged animal before, I sure did now.

‘’Now, I only have to test it,’’ Jiwoon whispered as he fished a small device from his back pocket.

Suddenly there was a hot and cold sting in my ankle and my muscles tensed up. Before I could say anything, an even more painful sensation filled my body and I could feel myself going rigid as I fell back onto the bed.

I couldn’t breathe. My body shut down but my brain kept functioning, panicking about the lack of control over my body. In my head I was screaming from the pain, but nothing left my mouth.

As soon as the pain had come it disappeared. 

‘’Good. Its waterproof by the way so it stays on until I tell you differently,’’ Jiwoon muttered as he shoved the little device back into his pocket.

I just lay there, trying to catch my breath as my muscles relaxed. My limbs felt a bit foreign and heavy. I focussed my eyes on the ceiling as I tried to gather my bearings. The bed dipped beside me and a hand pushed away the strands of hair that were stuck to my forehead.

‘’I’m sorry sweetie, but I can’t have you disobeying me,’’ Jiwoon whispered.

This was insane. I legit just got shocked. 

A gentle kiss was placed on my forehead before Jiwoon got up.

‘’I made us dinner,’’ He said as he pulled me back up.

I was still a bit out of it, but Jiwoon didn’t seem to care as he pulled me off the bed and onto my feet. I stumbled a bit before an arm sneaked around my waist to hold me up. I let Jiwoon guide me to the living room and into a chair at the dining table.

The rest of dinner was hazy. My limbs were still too heavy but Jiwoon took that as an opportunity to shove all kinds of food into my mouth. 

Even though I had been sleeping a lot last night I felt tired again.

‘’Hyung, I’m tired,’’ I said as Jiwoon was cleaning up the table.

‘’You can go to bed. You know where your new room is,’’ He replied.

And I got surprised by the fact that for the first time I was here, I was allowed to go somewhere by myself. 

‘’Thank you Hyung,’’ I whispered.

However, Jiwoon kept his eyes on me as I got up from the table.

‘’Don’t try anything funny,’’ He growled lowly, eyes squinted.

I nodded and thanked him again before leaving the room, flopping down onto the bed as soon as I had made it to the bedroom. I was too tired to try anything anyways so I hadn’t even thought about a possible escape.

Just as I was about to fall asleep I heard the door open. My body stiffened and my heart sped up ever so slightly. However, I didn’t hear any movement so I pretended to be asleep.  
The door closed again and I let out a sigh of relieve.

I didn’t feel that sleepy anymore and as I turned around I felt something poke my ankle harshly. I yelped and shot up, only to remember that I had an actual shock collar wrapped around my ankle.

The tears welled up and flowed down my face as I realised it would make everything so much more difficult. 

Now there really was no way of fighting back. He could just sent a shock through me whenever he wanted. Jiwoon was kinda crazy and that meant that he could even hurt me just for fun without really having to do anything.

This was dragging on longer than I had anticipated. The first day I had thought that I would be stuck here for around a week, but it had turned into many, many days longer. I lay back down and hugged my pillow. 

The press-conference was tomorrow. I really wanted to watch it even if it would hurt. 

I wanted to see the members, I wanted to hear their voices and I really hoped that Jiwoon would let me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Research stories Pt... 2? 3?
> 
> I don't now how and why my brain came up with adding a freakin shock collar into the story but whatever. So, as per usual, I did some research before writing it in to see if it would actually be possible to have a real harmful effect on a human. It was confusing with voltage and ampere and stuff and I had to calculate sh*t but then I found this:
> 
> ''In truth, electronic Anti Bark Collars should be called "tingle" collars, as opposed to shock collars. Few people have not experienced the static energy effect, and we cannot describe the tiny electric shock produced when we touch something metallic as being painful. Yes it gives you a fright, but it's by no means painful, and it can certainly do you no harm… The static shock we know is barely overpassed by the maximum intensity level of the collar shock. It cannot be more powerful than the two AA batteries allow.'' (Vice, 2011)
> 
> So is it possible? No.  
> Did I care? No.  
> (☞ﾟヮﾟ)☞ ☜(ﾟヮﾟ☜)
> 
> So I actually used what people describe being tased feel like because in my mind that would be the closest thing.
> 
> ''The first thing you notice is the muscles in between them spasming, and then the rest of your body seizes up.'' (BBC, 2007)
> 
> ''I felt my body stiffen like a board, and lost all motor skills; however, I was completely cognizant of what was going on. It was the strangest feeling in the world.  
> As you're being tased, you think you're talking.  
> For instance, I thought I was saying, "enough, enough," but when I played the tape back. (Foxnews, 2007)
> 
> etc etc.
> 
> Spreading useless knowledge through my end notes is fun.


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author is sleep deprived?  
> I relate to Chan.

{Jeongin}

Today was the day of the press-conference. Chan was pacing around in the living room, looking like he was deep in thought. He told us that he had checked out the livestream last night but that it had been cut off. It had stopped broadcasting and we didn’t know why. It was a relieve and unsettling at the same time.

I hadn’t been able to sleep yesterday. The company had dropped this whole press-conference on us only two days ago. It was on such a short notice that no-one was ready. We would never be ready for it but we just hadn’t had the time to mentally prepare for it.

I was scared. People would ask questions and we would have to answer. Well, it would mostly be the older members but still.

‘’Ya Jeongin! Your turn,’’ Hyunjin yelled as he rushed out of the bathroom, towel hung over his head.

I let out a sigh. An uncomfortable feeling followed me into the bathroom. I felt fidgety, like something bad was going to happen. It wasn’t a very foreign feeling, but it was one I didn’t experience often.

Even though we didn’t have a lot of time left, I took my sweet time in the shower before stepping out. It was pretty much chaos in the living room. The others were jogging about, fetching their stuff.

 

Ten minutes later we were sitting in the van on our way to the company. I was squeezed in between Seungmin and Hyunjin. Minho and Changbin had retreated to the seats in the back. Woojin was sitting in front of us together with Felix and Chan was sitting in the passenger seat next to the manager.

‘’So, if there are any more questions,’’ The manager finished. He had just briefed us again about how these kinds of things worked.

It was suspiciously quiet in the van and I could almost hear the others thinking.

‘’Do we have to answer everything?,’’ Felix asked.

‘’Not if you don’t want to,’’ The manager responded.

That was a relief. We had the option not the answer and that made everything a little better.

‘’How long is it going to take?,’’ Changbin suddenly asked from behind me.

‘’Fifteen minutes max. After that management will take over,’’

‘’So why do we even have to be there?,’’ Minho growled.

Apparently the manager hadn’t heard him and the passive-aggressive question remained unanswered. 

 

We walked in and immediately I felt overwhelmed. There were so many people and flashes surrounded us as we sat down. Reporters were yelling, camera’s were flashing and I already felt like I couldn’t take it anymore. A hand slid into mine under the table and I knew it was Seungmin. The little gesture did make me relax a little, but I still had to stop myself from running out.

Management had already briefly explained the situation so that we didn’t have to. They had left out all the details which meant that there would probably be a lot of questions.

The first reporter got the mic and stood up.

‘’The police said it was foul play? Elaborate,’’ The woman asked.

Chan took the mic and I saw his hand trembling a little. I felt sorry for him. As the leader he was expected to answer the questions of the reporters even if he didn’t really want to.

‘’Evidence indeed indicates that,’’ He responded.

‘’So Han Jisung was kidnapped?,’’ 

‘’Yes,’’ Chan sighted. 

‘’How did the police know?,’’ Another reporter asked.

I saw hurt flash across Chan’s face, the memory of the pictures still fresh on our mind.

‘’I cannot answer that,’’ Chan replied.

Before anyone could ask any questions, another reporter grabbed the mic out of someone’s hand.

‘’A informant told me there were pictures of Han Jisung sent to your dorms not long after he disappeared,’’

And I felt everyone stiffen. How did they know? Who had leaked that information? They weren’t supposed to know those things…

‘’What do you think is the motive? As far as we know, no demand for a ransom has been made,’’ The man continued.

He seemed to know more than he led on and it made me nervous. There were certain details we would never reveal to the public, but it seemed that as idols there wouldn’t be much privacy.

‘’We don’t know so we can’t comment on that,’’ Woojin cut in.

The man squinted his eyes and sat back down, clearly knowing that he wasn’t going to get any more information out of us. This went on for a solid ten minutes and it felt like it was closer to ten hours to me.

‘’One last question,’’ Our finally manager said.

I was happy that it would be over shortly. Just one more question and we could leave.

‘’I have a question for Bang Chan-ssi. Did the company and other people involved blame you, as the leader of the group?,’’

A weird feeling spread through my chest as the question settled in. I looked over to Chan and I saw his face contort. I glanced over the other members and I saw that they weren’t looking much better either.

‘’You gave a statement to the police saying that you let Han Jisung stay behind to work on his own. As a leader, shouldn’t you have taken him back to the dorm with you? Don’t you think it was quite irresponsible to let a nineteen-year old idol walk home alone in the middle of the night?,’’ 

This was wrong. This wasn’t okay. It wasn’t supposed to go like this.

‘’Sir, I ask you to refrain from asking such questions,’’ Our manager interrupted. 

The mic got taken from the reporter but we all knew that the damage had been done. Of course Chan blamed himself and now it was only worse. I looked over at Chan and I saw that his eyes were glassed over.

Management informed the reporters that they would be available for questions after a fifteen minute break.

Then the really hard part came.

Chan got up, took a deep breath and moved the mic to his mouth.

‘’Jisung…. Sungie… If you are somehow watching this, we want you to know that we love you and that we miss you very much. Please hold on a little longer. The police are doing their very best to find you so don’t worry yeah? We will get you back and the man that has you won’t get away with hurting you like this. We are sorry for everything. Please be careful. We’re really sorry and We love you. And remember: Nine or none,’’ Chans voice cracked at the end and it felt as if someone squeezed my heart.

Everyone was crying, even Chan. It was all real. No matter how much we tried to run from it. Jisung was gone and here we were, facing reporters and dozens of cameras flashing in our face.

‘’Thank you for your attention. Management will take over and answer your remaining questions,’’ Our manager said.

That was our que to get up and get out. 

The cameras flashed even more as we hastily made out way out of the room. I had to stop myself from running out. I just wanted to get home.

 

{Jisung}

When I woke up I thought I was in the dorms for a second, wrapped in a warm blanket and a soft mattress underneath me, but I soon realised that I wasn’t so I let out a sigh and pulled the blanket over my head as if that was going to block out everything.

After a while the door opened and Jiwoon walked in. The bed dipped and the blanket got pulled from me. The cold of the room hit me immediately and I shivered.

‘’Good morning Sungie,’’ Jiwoon beamed.

‘’Good morning hyung,’’ I replied as I sat up. Jiwoon grabbed my chin and kissed me, a bit too roughly as his teeth connected to my lip. It hurt.

Disgusting

I screwed my eyes shut as I waited for him to pull away.

A few minutes later he did and I had to supress the urge to hide myself underneath the blankets again. Being in the same room was somewhat okay now, as long as I pushed everything away. Disassociation. The members, Chan to be specific, had noticed it was something that happened whenever I was stressed and Chan always told me that it wasn’t healthy but it made things a little easier at the moment. 

However, no matter how much I tried to shut myself off, the wall crumbled as soon as Jiwoon skin touched mine. 

‘’I made you lunch. I didn’t want to wake you up earlier because you seemed tired yesterday,’’ Jiwoon said as he ruffled my hair.

If it had been anyone else, the words would have made me smile. But coming from Jiwoon it just made me nauseous. He moved off the bed and waited for me at the door. I reluctantly got up and followed him to the living room.

 

Lunch went about the same as always, but I could feel Jiwoon’s mood change somewhere in the middle of it. He was a bit shaky again and his breathing got a bit heavier. My heart picked up once I realised that anything could set him off. The bruises and cuts were just healing and I didn’t want new ones.

‘’I got some things to do. You can take a shower or something,’’ Jiwoon growled as he started piling the empty plates.

I didn’t want to be around him at the moment. He was agitated and I didn’t want to be around to see that warp into anger, possibly due to my actions.

‘’Thanks hyung,’’ I smiled.

Not waiting for him to reply, I got up and stalked out of the room and straight to the bathroom.

As soon as I had shut the door behind me I took a deep breath. The air always changed with Jiwoon’s mood. It always became stuffy and uncomfortable and it made me scared.

Scared of the moment he would snap.

The moment I turned on the shower to let the water warm up, Jiwoon walked in.

‘’Clothes,’’ Was the only thing he said as he placed a bunch of fabric on the floor. He was out before I could even react.

He was indeed in a foul mood.

 

Ten minutes later I stepped out of the bathroom, once again dressed in a hoodie and sport-shorts, feeling somewhat refreshed. 

As I stepped into the living room, Jiwoon wasn’t there. I looked around but I couldn’t find him. The whole house was silent.

My body moved on its own as I dropped the towel I was drying my hair with and dashed to the window. I pushed the curtain aside and I tried to turn the handles but they didn’t give way, at all.

‘’f*ck,’’ I muttered to myself.

With all my weight backing me up, I tried again.

‘’No no no,’’ I whispered, feeling the desperation in my whole body.

By now I was practically hanging from the handles, but they still didn’t move.

Suddenly I heard movement from behind a door on my right and I moved away from the window, my body frozen as I listened for more sounds.

‘’Sungie?,’’

My body sprung back to life. I dashed towards the couch, grabbing the towel from the floor, and was barely sitting down before Jiwoon came walking into the living room.

‘’I’ll be out for a bit. I’ll be right back,’’ Jiwoon said as he walked past me, not even bothering to look at me.

‘’Don’t do anything stupid,’’ I heard him hiss before he was gone.

I waited for a few minutes before I sprung up from the couch again. Unfortunately, the window wasn’t an option anymore. I didn’t know why it wouldn’t budge but I should have expected Jiwoon to not overlook such and easy escape-route.

I tried every door around the living room, but all of them were locked. Letting out a frustrated groan, I made my way to the hallway. Again, most of the doors were locked with the only exceptions being the bedroom- and bathroom door.

Time was ticking away and I knew I didn’t have much time. Jiwoon wasn’t stupid; he wasn’t going to be gone for long.

I rushed back to the living room and tried the window again, just to be sure. Still nothing. For a second I thought about finding something that maybe could break the glass, but that would make too much noise. Jiwoon wouldn’t be crazy enough to go far and I was afraid he would hear it so I couldn’t bring myself to try.

I looked around as my mind screamed at me to find a way, but I stood rooted in the middle of the room. I didn’t know where to look anymore.

So I sank down to the floor as I realised that there was no way out. 

And I realised that everything had been for nothing.

All those fake smiles, letting Jiwoon walk all over my pride, enduring all his outburst and rages, accepting all those touches and wandering hands.

It had all been for nothing. 

I was caged. 

And I let the tears roll off my face.

Then I suddenly remembered.

Press-conference.

The members.

I looked at the clock on the wall and I saw that it was only a few minutes after three.

Luck indeed worked in horrible ways.

I wiped my wet eyes with the back of my hand and crawled to the tv. At this point I didn’t care if Jiwoon would get mad at me for watching. I didn’t care anymore. My plan was ruined anyways. Keeping him happy wasn’t a sure way to get out anymore and I was done with being pathetic. I was done with letting Jiwoon do whatever he wanted.

So I pressed the ‘on’ button, grabbed the remote-control and sat down directly in front of the tv. Flipping through the channels, I soon found the one I was looking for.

The members were sitting in a row, hands held tightly under the tables.

My heart cracked at the sight and a sob made its way out of my chest.

They looked horrible.

Felix had clearly lost weight, Jeongin looked like he was ready to dash out of the room at any minute, Minho and Changbin were glaring at everyone as if they wanted to beat them up, Hyunjin was tapping his foot, Seungmin was way too pale, Woojin was frowning and Chan’s face was screaming pain.

I wasn’t used to seeing them like this. We were used to smiling, being happy and joking around. Knowing that I was the cause of it made me feel horrible. If only I had listened to Chan. If only I had gone back to the dorm with them all of this wouldn’t have happened.

I turned up the volume as a reporter got handed a microphone.

 _‘’The police said it was foul play? Elaborate,’’_ The woman asked.

I saw Chan moving the mic to his mouth with a trembling hand.

 _‘’Evidence indeed indicates that,’’_ He responded.

His voice gave away how tired he was. I could hear it clearly. But it sounded wonderful anyways. Jiwoon’s voice was the only thing I had been hearing for a while now, well, with the exception of Jaeho, so I welcomed the warmth and pain that was coming from Chans mouth.

 _‘’So Han Jisung was kidnapped?,’’_

_‘’Yes,’’_ Chan sighted. 

_‘’How did the police know?,’’_ Another reporter asked.

 _‘’I cannot answer that,’’_ Chan replied.

I wondered why he couldn’t. Was he just not allowed because they were still trying to find me?

_‘’An informant told me there were pictures of Han Jisung sent to your dorms not long after he disappeared,’’_

My body went rigid at the statement from another reporter. The blood drained out of my face as my suspicions got confirmed. The pictures had indeed been intended for the members. The video probably as well.

I saw them all jolting before they hung their heads low. 

So they had seen them…

 _‘’What do you think is the motive? As far as we know, no demand for a ransom has been made,’’_ the man continued.

How did this man know so much? How much info had been given to the public? I felt my heart race at the thought of everyone knowing everything. 

_‘’We don’t know so we can’t comment on that,’’_ Woojin cut in.

Relieve washed over me as the man sat back down.

 _‘’One last question,’’_ Our manager said.

_‘’My question is for Bang Chan-ssi. Did the company or the other people involved blame you, as the leader of the group?,’’_

For I second I wondered if I had heard the question right. Was he implying that Chan was somehow responsible for my own stupid mistake?

 _‘’You gave a statement to the police saying that you let Han Jisung stay behind to work on his own. As a leader, shouldn’t you have taken him back to the dorm with you? Don’t you think it was quite irresponsible to let a nineteen-year old idol walk home alone in the middle of the night?,’’_

I saw Chans face fall. I could tell he already felt guilty, heck, I knew he was going to blame himself from the beginning, and the reporter was only making things worse.

How dare he?

It had been my own choice. It wasn’t the members fault. It wasn’t Chans fault.

This was wrong. This wasn’t okay. It wasn’t supposed to go like this.

 _‘’Sir, I ask you to refrain from asking such questions,’’_ Our manager interrupted. 

My heart cracked into a million pieces as Chan sat back down, defeated. The members turned to look at him but he just kept staring down at the table in front of him, craning his head to the side ever so slightly while making his eyes bigger and back to their normal size continuedly. 

A thing he did when he tried really hard not to cry.

Management cut in and I zoned out as I moved closer to the tv to see the members better. They looked so… broken? Honestly, they already looked like they thought I was already dead. And maybe that would have been better at this point.

Chans voice filled the room again and I snapped out of it.

_‘’Jisung…. Sungie… If you are somehow watching this, we want you to know that we love you and that we miss you very much. Please hold on a little longer. The police are doing their very best to find you so don’t worry yeah? We will get you back and the man that has you won’t get away with hurting you like this. We are sorry for everything. Please be careful. And remember: Nine or none. We love you,’’_

As soon as Chan was finished, questions were fired at him and the other members. Our manager yelled at them that further questions would be handled by management and he motioned for the guys to stand up. Cameras flashed and reporters kept trying to get an answer. Our manager ignored them and ushered the guys out of the room.

I didn’t bother to turn off the tv as I let myself flop onto the floor. The strength in my body was gone. A weird and stuffy feeling settled in my chest. 

And then I just screamed on the top of my lungs.

I let all the frustration, pain, fear and sadness out. I couldn’t hold them in anymore.

‘’Jisung?!,’’

I stopped my screaming and rolled my head to the side. Jiwoon was standing next to me and he looked angry. I rolled my head back and stared at the ceiling.

Jiwoon stepped around me and I could hear the tv turn off before I violently got pulled up on my feet by my hoodie.

‘’Who said you were allowed to watch that?!.’’ He bellowed in my face, little droplets of saliva raining down on me.

Rage built up in me. This wasn’t fair. The whole situation was unfair.

‘’F*ck off,’’ I hissed as I tried to pry his fingers off my hoodie.

Jiwoon let go, only to hit me in the face.

‘’Language!,’’ He spat, gripping my wrists.

I winced at the pain shooting up my arms, but ignored it.

‘’Don’t touch me!,’’ I yelled.

Jiwoon harshly shoved me to the side and I couldn’t stop myself from crashing into the little table between the couch and tv. My hip connected to the wooden corner and I let out a pained scream. I panted as pain spread through my hip. I had gone too far, but I was burning inside.

‘’Leave me alone you sociopath,’’ I hissed as I tried to get up from the floor.

I was almost standing when a painful shock ran through my ankle and all the way up my body. My muscles stiffened and I immediately was back on the floor again, luckily missing the table this time.

I couldn’t breathe. It was as if the wind was knocked out of me. My body was locked and I could do nothing to stop it.

The pain subsided after what felt like hours and my body relaxed, being somewhat back in my control.

Then came a kick to my side and I let out another scream.

‘’You don’t get to decide what you do!,’’ Jiwoon bellowed.

More kicks followed as I did my best to shield myself. I felt myself bruising up already. My side was screaming in pain, my arms felt numb and my legs were tingling. But Jiwoon didn’t stop no matter how hard I was crying. He had snapped just like I has feared.

I thought I was in the clear once he finally stepped away from me, but I was wrong.

‘’Guess I’ll have to go back to the basics don’t I?,’’ Jiwoon spoke with a slight taunt in his voice. The words barely settled in my brain as Jiwoon crouched down, pushed me on my back and tugged at my clothes.

Alarm bells went of in my head as he moved on top of me, gripped the back of my thighs and pushed my legs up.

‘’Now be a good little kitten,’’ He growled.

He pushed in and I let out another scream. It just hurt so much. For a little bit I had forgotten but it felt as if my flesh was burning.

‘’S-stop,’’ I attempted weakly as another thrust sent a painful shock through my spine. I tried to push him away, but he didn’t even seem to budge. I knew it was no use, I had gained that knowledge from the previous times, but it didn’t hurt to try.

I kept hitting him, scratching him but he just moaned even louder.

‘’Please!,’’ I whimpered.

Hands found their way from my thighs to my neck and I freaked out as my airway got cut off ever so slightly.

‘’Beg some more baby boy,’’ Jiwoon grunted out. His breath ghosted over my cheek and my stomach churned at the sensation.

I was mortified. It shouldn’t come as a shock anymore but it still did. No matter how many times Jiwoon forced himself on me it was still as bad, maybe even worse, than the previous time.

I wanted to die.

I really wanted to die at the moment.

Even though I had longed to be alive and see the members just a few minutes ago, it was different now.

Black spots started to fill my vision as the pressure on my neck grew. I didn’t register the hand wandering around my body as Jiwoon quickened his thrusts.

Then everything went black.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I cry, but that's my own fault.
> 
> Anyhoes, I'm currently writing the very last ''scene'' of the story which means that I'm uploading chapter 16 through 19 in one go tomorrow (less than 24 hours). So be prepared I guess?
> 
> Buckle in for tomorrow sweet potatoes.
> 
> (I'll give one hint for the ending: I'm a complete sucker for MinSung, be it platonic or romantic)


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm slightly nervous.  
> Maybe because I'm about an hour the whole story will be on here, maybe because I'm a bit worried that you guys won't like the ending?  
> I dunno >.<

{Chan}

It was two days after the press-conference when we got the call from the police. 

They had leads. They had finally found a lead.

It turned out that they had tried tracking the livestream but they had gotten nowhere because of the horrible wonders of back-alley connections and misleading IP-addresses, but after spitting through every CCTV and dashcam in the neighbourhood they had found footage of a black van speeding away from the direction of the company.

‘’So do they know if that is the van?,’’ Felix asked.

‘’They don’t know for sure, but the tire-tracks in the parking lot match up with the tires that most people use with that van so they are pretty confident about it,’’ I replied.

The movie was still on pause on the tv as I relayed whatever the police had told me to the others.

‘’They will look into the last known location of the vehicle tonight,’’ I added.

Even though we all still felt a bit off because of the press-conference, I could see a hint of hope in the faces of the members. This was what we had been waiting for and the investigation finally seemed to be headed somewhere.

‘’What took them so long? Isn’t that like the first things they are supposed to check or anything?,’’ Seungmin asked.

I agreed. It was kind of weird that it had taken so long, but at the moment I was just happy they had something.

‘’It was only because someone decided to check out the footage of their dashcam that they found it. From there on they did some footwork and traced the route of the van,’’ I explained.

The members let out a hum and a comfortable silence filled the room.

And for the first time in a long time I felt a bit happy again. The huge dark cloud that hung over us had become a bit lighter with the news. But I knew that it wasn’t good to get our hopes up just yet. It was still too frail for that.

‘’So Sungie-Hyung will be back soon?,’’ Jeongin asked quietly and it made my heart break a little bit. I knew that we all knew that it wasn’t that simple and it hurt to see the maknae grab onto anything he could get.

‘’We should not get ahead of things Innie…,’’ Woojin whispered as he ran his hand through the maknae’s hair.

Jeongin let out a sigh and gave a little nod in response, eyes now focussed on his feet.

‘’We’ll get him back guys. We will,’’ I whispered out, trying to reassure them and to keep the morale up for a little longer. Not just for the other members but for myself as well.

 

{Jisung}

I closed my eyes as the warm water hit my face, grimacing a bit when I felt the cuts sting. I had woken up yesterday morning at five, still laying on the floor. I had been out for almost twelve hours and the hard surface had made my body hurt even more.

At first I had tried to move on my own but I hadn’t been able too. My arms, side, hip and legs had hurt too much so I had no choice but to anxiously wait for hours till Jiwoon emerged from his bedroom.

As soon as he had seen me he had hugged me and apologized before lifting me up and carrying me to my bedroom. I felt too weak to protest as he tugged me in and left me to sleep some more. And I had, another seven hours before Jiwoon woke me up to eat dinner.

The rest of the evening had been a blur. I vaguely remembered watching tv and once again getting carried to bed but that was about it. I think Jiwoon had been in a great mood throughout it all so that had been nice.

When I had woken up again this morning I had felt a bit better. It still felt as if I had been hit by a truck, but now just a smaller one. Walking on my own still proved difficult but I had convinced Jiwoon that I was capable enough. I didn’t want him to touch me anymore that absolutely necessary.

I opened my eyes and reached for the all too familiar shampoo. It smelled like a weird mix between vanilla and lemon. It was a scent I had never really smelled before and I was happy it wasn’t one that was commonly found. If I would ever make it out I would avoid it for the rest of my life.

Scrubbing hurt as my body was littered, once again, with cuts and bruises. A particularly large bruise graced my side and I winced as I touched it, fingers barely grazing my skin.  
The bruises on my thighs were ever so nauseating. Same went for the ones on my wrists and the inevitable one around my neck.

This was getting old. I had been in the same situation so many times by know. Every time was like a rinse and repeat of me trying to scrub away the lingering feeling of Jiwoon’s skin on mine, only this time I felt a bit calmer. I had gotten a bit used to it and the way the soap stung as it made contact with the cuts and how it helped me calm down.

I looked down at my arms and I saw the neat lines that I had made there. They were still an angry dark red but they were healing. I was disappointed at myself every time I looked at them. Not only was I physically weak, but mentally too. I was really happy that Jiwoon always provided hoodies, sweaters and long-sleeved t-shirts. It was my own little secret, one that even Jiwoon didn’t know about.

Out of sight, out of mind.

Once I had deemed myself as clean as I was going to get, I heaved myself out of the tub and turned off the showerhead. The cold tile underneath made me shiver so I hurried to dry myself. Things were peaceful for a bit and that was relieving. 

However, a few minutes later everything changed.

I had just put on a fresh pair of underwear and a long-sleeved t-shirt, that was so big that it almost reached my knees, when suddenly Jiwoon came barging in.

I jumped at the sound of the door crashing against the wall.

‘’What did you do?!,’’ Jiwoon screamed as he almost ran to me.

‘’W-what?,’’ I asked. I didn’t get what he was referring to so I just shot him a confused look.

‘’Don’t play dumb! What did you do?,’’ He bellowed as he gripped my wrists.

I racked my brain but I could find nothing. The panic spreading through me didn’t help.

‘’I d-d-don’t get it,’’ I squeezed out.

Jiwoon let out a growl and started dragging me out of the bathroom. I let him as confusion and fear took over.

He stopped once we were standing next to the window. He pushed away the curtain a bit and shoved me in front of him, hands still on my shoulders.

‘’What is the police doing outside my door?!.’’ He hissed in my ear as he pointed somewhere outside.

I had to search to see what he was pointing at. My eyes landed on a police car on the other side of the street. An officer in uniform was talking to someone on the phone as he looked right at the house.

My chest fluttered strangely at the sight and for a second I forgot how to breathe.

Jiwoon pulled me away from the window when another police car turned the corner and stopped in the middle of the street as if it wanted to block any possible traffic from passing through.

He pushed me into the couch and started pacing. He kept muttering something under his breath but I couldn’t hear him. I had never seen him like this. 

And then I realised he was panicking. 

He suddenly sprinted back to the window and peeked outside. I saw his eyes widen and the corners of his lips tugging down.

‘’Sh*t sh*t sh*t!,’’ He rambled as he turned back around and gripped his hair.

He paced around some more but stopped when we heard a knock on the door.

‘’Police! Open up!,’’ I heard a man yell.

And my heart flipped in my chest.

I could hear my own blood rushing through my body in my ears and everything seemed to stop for a second.

My brain screamed at me to get up and run towards the voice but before I could, Jiwoon cursed loudly and stalked over towards me, tugging me from the couch. 

I heard something crash down the hall, followed by heavy footsteps.

‘’Police! Get down on the floor!,’’ Someone yelled.

My muscles stiffened. I froze as I wondered if I had really heard it right.

‘’F*ck!,’’ Jiwoon hissed.

He hurriedly grabbed me by my waist and tugged me against him. Another arm sneaked around my neck as he pulled me back with him.

Suddenly the room was full of people. People dressed from top to bottom in black.

And there were guns pointing at us.

Jiwoon’s arms tightened around me and it got a bit more difficult to breathe.

‘’Mr. Kang, step away from Han Jisung,’’ The man in front demanded.

‘’Do not move,’’ Jiwoon hissed in my ear before he placed a quick kiss on my neck.

The situation sunk in and I was terrified and hopeful at the same time.

They were here, they were finally here.

‘’Mr. Kang, don’t make this difficult,’’ The man continued.

‘’Shut up!,’’ Jiwoon bellowed. He pulled away his arm from my neck and in a weak attempt I tried to pry his other arm off my waist.

I whimpered as Jiwoon pulled me even closer to him. 

‘’Mr. Kang, put down that knife,’’ 

Only then I felt something cold and sharp against my neck.

My breath hitched and a sob escaped me. I was so close to freedom, yet Jiwoon could keep me from it with just the simple swipe of a knife.

‘’Sshhh. It’s all okay sweetie. I won’t hurt you,’’ Jiwoon whispered before placing little kisses along my neck.

I could tell Jiwoon was conflicted. There was too much going on and I knew he was freaking out. The way his body shook as he held me gave it away.

But maybe I was just imagining things. Maybe it was because I was shaking as well.

‘’Mr. Kang, it’s already over. Drop the knife,’’ 

‘’Don’t tell me what to do! You have no right to take my Sungie from me!,’’ He yelled.

Why was everything so difficult? Why couldn’t it just end already? Why was it that even with the police here I still wasn’t out of this house yet?

 

{Changbin}

It wasn’t working out. I had been trying to work on a beat for the last three hours but it just wasn’t working out. I had restarted at least four times now and it was frustrating. I decided to call it quits when I caught myself wanting to start over again. I just had to accept that there was nothing I could do.

I got up from the desk and left the studio to make my way to the practise room. Like Chan had suggested a few days ago, we had gone to the company to try and get our mind off of things. Surprisingly, everyone had tagged along, even Minho.

As soon as I opened the door, I was met by the others laying on the floor.

‘’Sup,’’ I said as I sat down next to Felix.

‘’Sup,’’ Hyunjin responded as he gave me a little smile.

‘’How did things go?,’’ Felix asked as he moved a bit so that he could lay his head on my leg.

‘’Not great,’’ I replied as I looked around.

‘’Don’t worry about it,’’ Chan said as he shot me a small smile.

I let out a scoff as I turned my head towards him.

‘’Easy for you to say, Kangaroo,’’ I spat teasingly.

And for the first time in a while, the members giggled. Actual giggles.

It filled me with a proud warmth.

‘’Anyways, what have you guys been up too?,’’ I asked as I combed my fingers through Felix’ hair.

‘’Nothing much. We started off practising but we quit after two songs,’’ Woojin responded.

I hummed and took a deep breath. It seemed that no one really felt like doing anything but we had at least tried right?

‘’Boys!,’’ 

I snapped my head around and found the manager in the doorway, eyes wide.

‘’What is it?,’’ Chan asked as he shot up on his feet.

‘’They found him. They found Jisung!,’’ He responded.

It was dead silent in the room. Not even the sound of breathing could be heard and I doubted if I had heard the manager correctly. It seemed unreal. It couldn’t be that simple right?

‘’Guys? I’m not joking,’’ The manager rushed out.

That seemed to bring us all back. We all sprung to our feet.

‘’Oh my god!,’’ Hyunjin screeched.

‘’What? How? Where is he? Can we go see him now?,’’ Minho fired at the manager as he stepped closer to the man.

‘’Well. They found him but he’s not out yet. The police broke in but the man still has to let Jisung go,’’ The manager clarified.

‘’So…. It’s like, what? A standoff of some sorts?,’’ Seungmin asked.

‘’You could say that,’’ The manager responded.

It was all too much to take in. It was too much. Was this really happening? Was Jisungie finally coming home? Were we finally going to see him again?

The managers phone rung and he hastily picked up. There was a string of yess-es and thank you-s before he hung up.

‘’They are broadcasting,’’ He said as he turned back towards us.

‘’What?,’’ Jeongin asked.

‘’They are broadcasting the situation live at the moment,’’

And with that, Hyunjin dashed towards his bag and dug out his laptop. He almost tripped over his own feet as he rushed back to the middle of the room. He flopped down and opened his laptop.

‘’Which channel?,’’ He asked, fingers ready to type.

‘’YTN,’’ The manager responded.

Hyunjin’s fingers looked like they were on fire as he started typing away at his laptop. Minho sat down next to him, followed by Felix and soon we were all bunched together with Hyunjin’s laptop in front of us.

Unlike we had expected, there wasn’t much to see. The camera was pointed at a house but we could see no Jisung. I scanned the screen and saw that the front door of the house was completely knocked out its hinges. 

The camera suddenly zoomed in on a big window. Curtains made it impossible to look inside and I was disappointed and grateful at the same time. I wanted to see Jisungie but I was scared to see what kind of condition he was in.

The camera zoomed in a bit more and I could see a little gap between the curtains. The only thing I saw were shadows.

‘’Is this really happening?,’’ Felix whispered to no one in particular.

Then a shot was heard and the camera zoomed out quickly.

I jolted at the sound and I felt the blood drain out of my face. The room grew even more quiet than before. Seconds that felt like minutes passed like that and I was going crazy. 

Nothing was happening and the shot still echoed in my ears. I was scared. Scared of who had shot and who that shot was meant for.


	17. Chapter 17

{Jisung}

‘’Mr. Kang, you are completely surrounded. Be wise and let go of Han Jisung,’’ The man spoke.

This was dragging on for a long time and I had zoned out. There was nothing I could do anyways so I distanced myself. I was just a puppet and a shield at this point.

Jiwoon’s grip on my waist loosened, apparently distracted, and it snapped me back into reality.

‘’Tell them to leave!,’’ He screamed as he waved the knife in the air.

‘’I can’t do that until you let him go,’’ The man replied, gun still aimed at us.

‘’Of course you can! You’re calling the shots right? Jisung is staying here, end of discussion,’’ Jiwoon rambled as he continued waving the knife around.

‘’Sir, Han Jisung isn’t staying here. Now do us all a favour and hand him over,’’

‘’No! He’s mine!,’’ Jiwoon hissed before planting a kiss on my head.

I flinched at the contact and moved my head away. Jiwoon didn’t seem to notice as he kept muttering to himself, his hand with the knife now dangling beside him. And I noticed that Jiwoon’s arm on my waist was loosening. He seemed to be too far in his panic to even notice it himself.

_Maybe…_

_Just maybe…_

I looked back at the people on the other side of the room and tried to make eye-contact with the man in front.

I was about to do the stupidest thing I had ever done.

The man’s eyes met mine and I tried to make clear that I wanted to get something across. He shot up a brow as I glanced at Jiwoon and back at him. He shot a quick glance at Jiwoon too before his eyes settled back on me. It seemed that we both understood that Jiwoon was quite distracted.

Then, without trying to move too much, I wiggled my finger and pointed at Jiwoon’s arm around me. He didn’t seem to see it so I repeated the movement. After repeating it two times his eyes widened ever so slightly as he looked back up at me.

Jiwoon was barely holding on to me at this point. I knew that the man knew as well.

But as luck would have it, Jiwoon’s arm tightened a bit and another kiss was placed on my neck.

I felt myself getting annoyed.

‘’It’s okay baby boy,’’ Jiwoon whispered in my ear before he moved away again.

He then continued to rant about something but I didn’t pay attention. I looked at the officer again and then wiggled my finger again to point at myself, then Jiwoon’s arm and finally the floor. He seemed to get what I meant as he gave a nod, turned his head a little bit and said something into a walky-talky that was attached to his uniform. I saw the other officers adjust the grip on their guns ever so slightly and the lump in my throat grew bigger.

‘’Mr. Kang, we have been at it for an hour now. Don’t be dumb and just stop this,’’ The man then said calmly.

‘’Shut up!,’’ Jiwoon yelled and he shook his head. His grip loosened and the knife was in the hand that now lay on his head.

And that was my chance. I shot another look at the officer in the front and he nodded. 

It was time to end this.

It was time to get out. 

It was now or never.

I took a deep breath.

Without thinking any more, I used all my strength to pry off Jiwoon’s arm and used my weight to rush myself forward and out of Jiwoon’s grip. I crashed down on the floor loudly, knees connecting to the wood painfully.

‘’What the-,’’ 

Jiwoon didn’t get to finish as a shot was fired.

I shrunk in myself at the incredibly loud sound.

‘’F*ck,’’ I heard Jiwoon whisper. Then the sound of someone hitting the floor was heard.

I looked up and turned around as suddenly people rushed past me. 

‘’Suspect apprehended,’’ I heard someone saying.

My eyes followed the movement and I saw Jiwoon laying on the floor, three officers holding him down and cuffing his wrists. There was a growing red patch on his leg and I realised he had been shot.

‘’Get off of me! Sungie?!,’’ Jiwoon screamed as he wiggled.

I was frozen.

I couldn’t believe that Jiwoon was laying there, cuffed and held down by three officers. 

I couldn’t believe that it was over.

‘’Han Jisung?,’’ 

I turned back around and was met by the officer I had been sending signals too. He was crouched down in front of me, keeping his distance, and looked at me expectantly.

‘’Y-yes?,’’ I stuttered out.

‘’I’m officer Yoo. It’s all going to be okay now,’’ The man said as he gave me a gentle smile.

And that was enough to get the waterworks going.

‘’T-thank you! Thank y-you so much,’’ I managed to say in between sobs.

I really was going to be okay. It was over now.

‘’No, thank you. That was really brave of you,’’ Officer Yoo said softly.

He let me be for a minute as I just let myself go. He just sat there in front of me and I was thankful. Once I felt myself calm down, officer Yoo got to his feet and reached out a hand to me.

‘’How about we get you out of here,’’ He said with a gently smile, making his eyes disappear.

The urge to get out clawed away at my chest so I accepted the hand and let myself be pulled on my feet.

‘’Hold on one sec,’’ Officer Yoo said as he turned to say something to another officer.

I didn’t want to wait, so I didn’t. As soon as Officer Yoo let go of my hand I dashed. I ignored the voices telling me to wait. I ignored them as I stumbled towards the front door.

And there it was.

I slowed down a bit as I had to step over the ruined door.

A few more steps and I was outside. Flashes of cameras filled my vision and I could hear people shouting. I ignored them all as I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. I was free. I was free to go wherever I wanted. 

I had missed the fresh air. I had missed the wind playing with my hair. I let out content sigh as new tears made their way past my eyelids.

Suddenly a blanket was wrapped around me and I flinched. 

‘’Lets get you checked out okay?,’’ Officer Yoo said as he shot me a smile.

Suddenly I became too aware of all the people getting held back by the police. There were dozens of reporters screaming, news vans from different stations, flashes, multiple police cars, two ambulances.

It was too much.

I nodded and officer Yoo was about to lead me to an ambulance when I heard scuffling coming from behind me. 

‘’Baby boy?,’’ I heard Jiwoon whisper behind me and I shrunk in reflex. However, I shot a glance at officer Yoo before turning around to face the man that had broken me over and over the past few weeks. He was being held up by two officers as he struggled to keep standing.

Fire built in my heart and I could finally act upon it without having to deal with the consequences.

‘’Shut up. I’m not your ‘baby boy’,’’ I hissed. 

‘’What did you say?!,’’ Jiwoon bellowed.

I couldn’t help but jolt, but I soon regained myself. I didn’t care how Jiwoon’s face turned red. I didn’t care how he glared at me. I didn’t care about all the people watching. No one was stopping me, most definitely not Jiwoon.

‘’You are disgusting. You’re a sadist and a murderer. I hope you rot in hell,’’ I screamed at him.

‘’Shut up!,’’ He shot back. I could see he was pissed. The officers had to hold him back as he wiggled in their hold.

‘’You deserve it after all that you have done,’’ I spat, my body trembling from the sheer anger. 

A second passed and Jiwoon visibly relaxed.

‘’Don’t pretend you didn’t like it,’’ He said tauntingly while smirking.

‘’Go die,’’ I growled, tears once again flowing down my face.

Then the officers holding Jiwoon up decided that it was enough and opened the door of a police car. 

‘’I know you did baby boy. The way you screamed-,’’ Jiwoon got cut off as the door of the car slammed closed behind him.

I could see him screaming but I couldn’t really hear what he was saying anymore. He kept pushing against the door but of course it didn’t give way. The car started to drive away and as I final statement I flipped him off.

Then he was gone and sudden exhaustion made me stumble.

Officer Yoo pulled me towards the ambulance and made me sit down in the back, my legs dangling from the vehicle. 

I let out whimper as someone suddenly grabbed my ankle lightly.

‘’I’m going to get this thing off you okay?,’’ Officer Yoo said gently. I looked what he pointed at and I saw the band wrapped around my ankle. 

I nodded again, not having the energy left to speak. It was if that had disappeared together with the words I had shot at Jiwoon. My chest didn’t feel so heavy anymore and it felt like I could really breath for the first time in weeks.

It was all going to be okay now.

 

{Chan}

My body was tense. The shot still echoed in my ears. We waited for minutes and minutes in silence, all bundled together in front of the laptop.

Suddenly people started yelling something and the camera turned towards the front door. 

And there came Jisung dashing out. Camera’s started flashing and the yelling increased but Jisung didn’t seem bothered by it as he closed his eyes and took a deep breath. 

For the first time in weeks it felt like I could finally relax. They found Jisungie. They got him out. Jisung was going to be back home. He looked terrible but he was safe now.

I turned around to the others and for a second we just looked at each other. Then came the beaming smiles and tears.

‘’It’s over! Sungie is going to come home!,’’ Felix screamed, his eyes lightening up as he dove to hug the members closest to him.

Before I knew it, we were one pile of bodies and laughter filled the room. 

_‘’Zoom in on the suspect,’’_ A voice came from Hyunjin’s laptop, _‘’Get the mic closer,’’_

We untangled ourselves and looked at the screen again. There was a man being dragged out of the house by two police officers. My stomach churned once I saw how muscular and tall he was. Jisung must have felt so intimidated by the man. Heck, even I felt it through the screen. 

_‘’Baby boy?,’’_ The man said.

The camera zoomed out and now Jisung was in the screen as well, standing just a few steps away from the man and next to an officer, blanket draped around his shoulders. I saw him flinch a bit but he turned around. 

There was a fire in his eyes. It was I fire I had rarely seen. Jisung was angry. He was seriously angry.

_‘’Shut up. I’m not your ‘baby boy’,’’_ Jisungie hissed. 

_‘’What did you say?!,’’_ The man responded, eyes narrowed.

He was definitely scary, but Jisung clearly wasn’t that bothered by it.

_‘’You are disgusting. You’re a sadist and a murderer. I hope you rot in hell,’’_ Jisungie screamed at him.

‘’Woohooo! Go Sungie!,’’ Changbin suddenly yelled from behind me. I couldn’t help but let out a snort.

_‘’Shut up!,’’_ The man shot back at Jisungie. His face was red by now and I could tell that Jisungie was pissing him off and I had to admit that I felt a bit proud.

_‘’You deserve it after all that you have done,’’_ Jisungie spat back and another ‘Wooohooo’ could be heard somewhere behind me. 

The man suddenly relaxed. His demeanour had changed as he now looked like he was… amused?

_‘’Don’t pretend you didn’t like it,’’_ The man said while smirking. 

‘’Bastard,’’ I could hear Minho mutter.

_‘’Go die,’’_ Jisung growled and if looks could kill, the man would be dead by now.

The man was still smirking when the officers dragged him to the police car.

_‘’I know you did baby boy. The way you screamed-,’’_ the man got cut off as the door of the car slammed closed behind him.

The car drove away and the camera panned back to Jisung, who was clearly flipping the man off before he stumbled.

‘’He looks so…. tiny,’’ Seungmin muttered.

That was definitely true. The shirt he was wearing could almost be considered a dress. His cheeks had lost that cute chubbiness and he overall looked like a stick-figure. Jisung had lost that little tan that normally seemed to make him glow. His skin was way too pale. It could almost be considered normal to any other person, but the greyish undertone showed that he hadn’t seen the sun for quite a while. Bruises and small cuts stood out even more with the paleness. 

Jisung had never been that big but his personality mostly made up for that, making it seem like he was way bigger than he actually was and the way he looked right now reminded me of the fact that Jisung was just that.

‘’What is that?,’’ Jeongin asked as he pointed at the screen.

Jisung was now sat in the back of an ambulance, the officer cutting something loose from his ankle. I tried to rack my brain but the object didn’t seem familiar.

‘’Don’t know,’’ Hyunjin responded.

Jisung got ushered into the ambulance and just as the police officer turned to walk away, Jisung shot out his arm and grabbed the back of the officers’ shirt. The man turned around and said something to Jisung, to which the younger then nodded. The officer smiled and turned to say something to another officer before he got into the ambulance with Jisung. The last thing we saw was the ambulance driving away before there got cut back to the studio.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So Jisung was going to get out in a different way at first, but I felt it was too unrealistic (here I go again xp) so I changed it after I had written my initial idea out for a little. I will post it at the end :)


	18. Chapter 18

{Jisung}

‘’I know its hard sweetie but we have to okay?,’’ The nurse said.

I knew it had to be done, but I felt like crying. There were too many people. It didn’t seem necessary. A nurse, a doctor, someone from forensics with a camera and officer Yoo. 

Too many people.

‘I’ll step out if it makes you feel better?,’’ Officer Yoo said as he gave me a sympathetic smile.

The thing was, the only one I felt a bit comfortable around was officer Yoo but the less people the better.

I gave a little nod.

‘’Okay. I’ll be right outside if you need me,’’ He said before stepping out.

Still too many people.

I curled up further in my blanket. I just wanted to go home to the members and sleep.

‘’Darling, lets not think about it too much okay? We’ll be as quick as possible,’’ The nurse continued.

I looked at the three females in the room and let out a sigh. The sooner this was over the better right?

 

{Minho} 

‘’So when can we go see him?,’’ I asked the manager as I sat down on the couch in the living room.

‘’They said they would contact me to let us know when Jisung is done with the examination,’’ The manager answered.

We had just gotten back to the dorms and it was not where I wanted to be. This was not where any of us wanted to be right now.

‘’And how long will that take?,’’ Jeongin asked.

‘’They said it normally takes around three to four hours,’’ The manager replied.

‘’Great,’’ Changbin muttered out, clearly unsatisfied with the answer.

‘’I know you guys want to see Jisung now but these things are difficult and take time,’’ The manager added.

Chan let out a sigh and got up from the couch.

‘’Well, we can eat dinner while we wait then,’’ He said as he disappeared into the kitchen, Woojin and Seungmin following after him.

That left me, Changbin, Felix, Hyunjin, Jeongin and the manager. I had come down from my high a while ago and now I just felt antsy. It had been so long since we saw Jisungie. I wanted to hug him, if he would let me, but we still had to wait. The manager got another call and stepped out. 

We just sat glued to each other on the couch in silence as the time ticked away. Faint sounds of meat in a frying pan came from the kitchen and calmed me down a bit.

‘’What are we going to say to him when we see him?,’’ Hyunjin asked with a frown.

‘’What do you mean?,’’ Jeongin asked.

‘’What can we say to make it all better?,’’ Hyunjin elaborated as he turned to face us.

There was nothing for us to say. No words were going to magically make Jisung ‘get over it’. And even if there was, it wouldn’t be fair to Jisung. It wouldn’t be fair to force or rush him to do anything.

‘’Nothing,’’ I responded.

Hyunjin seemed to think deeply about my response.

‘’I know right?,’’ He replied with a sigh as he sunk back into the couch.

‘’Let’s just… not rush him. We’ll be here if he needs us,’’ Changbin said.

And with that our conversation seemed to be over.

 

A few hours and one dinner later the manager finally got the call and we got a clear to go see Jisungie. The tension on our way there slowly got replaced by excitement as we got closer to our destination. 

Jeongin, Felix and Hyunjin were smiling brightly as they say along to the radio, Changbin was looking out the window with a grin on his face, Woojin and Seungmin were joking around and Chan was just watching us all through the rear-view mirror.

I looked at Chan and I could tell that he was nervous. He probably felt the most sorry towards Jisung. He blamed himself even though we had told him multiple times that he couldn’t have know that it would end up the way it did. But that was Chan, always feeling responsible for everything, even the things he had no control over.

We turned the last corner and the hospital came into view. The white building, bright lights bouncing off the walls, was a stark contrast to the darkness of the evening. We drove past the main entrance and I could see a bunch of reporters hogging the area. It made me sick. To them this was just a job. Jisung was just another random job, another story, to them and I hated it.

We arrived at the back where a private entrance was, meaning no reporters or cameras. 

‘’You guys wait here. I’ll be right back after I park the car,’’ The manager said as we got out. We just nodded.

‘’Hell no,’’ Seungmin spoke up as soon as the car drove off. He didn’t even look back as he entered the hospital, making his way to the receptionist immediately. 

‘’I’m with him,’’ I joined in and made my way to follow Seungmin.

And of course, the rest followed soon despite Woojin and Chan’s half-assed efforts to reason with us.

The receptionist looked a bit shocked as we approached him. His eyes went wide and I wondered if it was because he recognised us or if it was the fact that we were with the nine of us.

‘’We’re here for Han Jisung?,’’ Seungmin said as soon as we came to a stop in front of the desk.

‘’Aaah, yes. Let me see,’’ He said as he started typing away on the keyboard in front of him.

He didn’t even ask if we were family so I figured he knew who we were. 

‘’Mr. Han is currently in intensive care but I see that here that he is permitted to have visitors. He’s in room 302,’’ The man behind the desk informed us.

We thanked him and just as we were about to make our way to Jisung’s room, the manager came sprinting towards us. 

‘’I told you guys to wait for me! I can’t have you running off on your own like that!,’’ He whisper-yelled.

We shrugged him off, muttering an apology before we told him that we knew which room Jisung was in. 

The way to Jisung’s room was too long. It was almost agonizing. The elevator felt too small, there was almost not enough air even though I knew there was. I was getting impatient.

After a few minutes, that sure as hell felt like hours, we were standing in front of room 302. 

_Han Jisung_

The name plate on the door informed us that we were indeed at the right place. And even though this was what we had been waiting for the last couple of weeks, we were frozen. 

No one dared to be the one to open the door, all for different reasons.

I didn’t know how I was going to handle seeing Jisung. I was a rollercoaster of emotions and I couldn’t settle on one. I was angry, sad, happy…. And the list went on.

It was the manager that was the first one to move. He knocked on the door softly and we waited for someone to respond. The manager knocked again, this time a little louder. Still no response.

And surprisingly it was Jeongin whom decided we had wasted enough time. He slowly opened the door until it was completely open.

There he was, sitting on the bed right next to the window. His gaze was focussed on something outside and he didn’t seem to notice us stepping inside slowly.

The room was almost completely dark, only the little lamp on the nightstand next to him was on. He looked so small. He had his knees pressed to his chest and his arms wrapped around them. It was a sad thing to see and I settled on one emotion. It was sad. Seeing him made me incredibly sad.

‘’Jisung?,’’ Chan whispered. His voice was wavering and I didn’t have to look at him to know that he was holding back tears.

‘’Sungie?,’’ Chan tried again.

Jisung’s body jolted slightly before he slowly turned his head around, registering someone calling him.

My blood froze in my veins as we finally saw his face, illuminated by the little lamp.

He was crying silently, tears running down his bruised cheeks. The hollow look in his eyes sent a pang through my chest.

This wasn’t Jisung. This wasn’t our Sungie. Sungie always had a spark in his eyes and it wasn’t there. No, this was someone else. 

And at that realisation, tears welled up in my eyes. The fact that I could hear the other members sniffling next to me didn’t help either.

Jisung didn’t respond. He just continued to look at us. It almost looked like he wasn’t really seeing us. It was like he was looking through us.

‘’Sung? It’s us,’’ Felix now added.

Still nothing. 

Without thinking much, I took a few steps forward. I had to get to him but I didn’t want to scare him.

‘’Jisungie, it’s okay. It’s us,’’ I whispered.

Jisung’s eyes met mine and I suddenly saw confusion in his eyes. 

I took another few steps forward until I was only a few steps away from Jisung. He flinched and hugged his knees tighter, the look of confusion now replaced by fear. 

I took it as my que to stay where I was. Even though it hurt a bit to see him react like that, now wasn’t the time to think about it.

Another minute of silence passed and I decided to try again.

‘’Sungie, it’s Minho Hyung. You know you can trust me right?,’’ I spoke, trying to sound as gentle as I possibly could. 

The look in his eyes changed. He looked more present.

‘’M-m… Minho h-Hyung?,’’ He suddenly whispered as he met my eyes again.

I couldn’t help but smile a bit as Jisung seemed to get back to the present.

‘’Yes. Minho Hyung,’’ I replied.

And the confirmation set Jisung off.

A loud sob escaped his lips and he sprung up from the bed. Then he came crashing into me, his arms finding their way around me as he cried loudly. I immediately wrapped my arms around him as the painful cries filled the room. And I allowed the tears I was holding back to fall down.

I could hear the others coming closer, but I didn’t pay attention to them. 

I ran my fingers through Jisung’s hair and he buried his head further into my chest.

‘’I…..It’s…He,’’ Jisung tried to say, but his sobs prevented him from making any coherent sentence. 

‘’Sshhh…. We’re here. I’m here,’’ I whispered into his ear before placing a kiss on his head. This seemed to calm him down a little bit. I could feel him relax as he nodded. I held him a little tighter and I could feel him trembling. 

Minutes and minutes passed like that. I whispered sweet nothings into his ear and he just cried. Slowly but surely the cries calmed down and I remembered that the other members were here as well.

I tried to pull back but Jisung didn’t let me. He gripped the back of my shirt tighter.

‘’Sungie, the others are here as well,’’ I said.

‘’T-the others,’’ He murmured, voice muffled.

‘’Yes. The others. Chan, Woojin, Changbin, Hyunjin, Seungmin, Felix and Jeongin,’’ I replied.

He let go of my shirt and I took the opportunity to pull back. He looked up at me and I saw that the tears had stopped for the most part. I carefully wiped away the wetness on his cheeks and Jisung gave a little smile. It threw me off a bit, but I felt the smile creeping up on my lips.

Jisung then looked over my shoulder and I saw his eyes getting wetter again.

‘’Hi Sungie,’’ I heard Woojin say.

And then Jisung was beaming. 

 

{Jisung}

They were here. They were all really here.

After so many weeks of missing them, I could finally see them.

And a rush of happiness overwhelmed me. I smiled as I looked at the members one by one. They didn’t look so swell but they were here.

I untangled myself from Minho and stepped a bit to the side, allowing me to see the members better. Basically, they were all crying. However, Woojin had this ridiculous grin on his face and it looked funny.

‘’Hi,’’ I chuckled, ‘’You look stupid Woojin Hyung,’’ 

‘’Sungie!,’’ Felix yelled happily and then I was swarmed by bodies. Felix, Seungmin and Jeongin glued themselves to me and laughter filled my ears.

‘’We missed you so much!,’’ Jeongin yelled.

We kept swaying back and forth and even though it hurt I didn’t say anything about it. 

‘’Let him breathe for god’s sake. You guys are probably hurting him!,’’ Changbin yelled as he tried to pry the three off of me.

They sprung back as if they had touched fire and they started apologizing immediately.

‘’It’s fine,’’ I laughed out as they kept bickering with each other. 

I looked past the guys and my eyes met Chan’s. He was smiling at me, making his eyes almost disappear. 

He didn’t say anything as he just spread out his arms. I let out a content sigh and stepped passed the others. A few steps and I found myself in Chan’s embrace.

‘’We missed you sweetie,’’ Chan muttered as he sighted. 

It was so warm. The room was so warm and comforting. Chan was comforting. It was familiar.

I closed my eyes as Chan kept tracing circles on my back.

There was a tap on my shoulder and I flinched. I let go of Chan and looked to my left. Woojin Hyung was standing there, looking at me with that grin still on his face.

‘’Stop hogging our squirrel Chan!,’’ He laughed.

The nickname sent an unpleasant chill trough my spine, but I quickly dismissed it.

‘’But he’s just sooo cute!,’’ Chan retorted and he suddenly squished my face, ‘’Aren’t you?,’’

Normally I would get angry, but I just let him.

‘’Now let go of him, I want a hug too!,’’ Woojin said sternly before prying Chan away from me.

‘’Okay okay,’’ Chan muttered as he let go of me. I was wrapped in another hug immediately.

 

After minutes, everyone had finally calmed down and I was sitting on the bed with the members around me. Felix had taken the liberty to take up the whole end of the bed together with Changbin, Chan and Woojin were sitting on my right and the rest on my left.

There was an awkward silence after we all had come down from our high and I didn’t really know what to say. Apparently, neither did the others. It was stressing me out. I knew that they had questions and that sooner or later I had to tell them everything. Maybe not everything, but they deserved to know. 

The only thing that kept me from going down that rabbit hole was Minho who was tracing circles on the back of my hand with his thumb. I decided to put my focus there and push all other thoughts away.

‘’So…,’’ Hyunjin begun, his voice cracking embarrassingly. 

‘’So,’’ I replied, imitating the crack in his voice as I looked at him.

The others snickered and I saw Hyunjin roll his eyes. I was happy that they were smiling. Them being sad had been my fault and it made me feel guilty.

If only I had listened to Chan that night…

‘’How are you feeling?,’’ Chan asked, eyes full of concern.

I felt my body stiffen at the question. How was I supposed to answer that? I didn’t want to lie but I didn’t want to burden them either. And If I said that I wasn’t fine, wouldn’t that require me to elaborate further? I didn’t know what they knew and I didn’t want to talk about it.

‘’Fine, I guess,’’ I replied, my eyes locked on the plant in the corner of the room.

‘’You know you can talk to us right?,’’ Chan continued as his eyes wandered my body.

‘’I know,’’ I said and I suddenly felt uncomfortable. 

The hospital had given me a t-shirt and pyjama-pants but they didn’t do anything to cover up the bruises and cuts and I was really glad they had bandaged up my lower arm, hiding what I had done. 

Suddenly Minho turned my hand around and moved his thumb to my wrist. 

The bruises on my wrists were the most nauseating to me. The memories flushed my mind and Minho’s touch did nothing to make them disappear.

I let out a shaky breath and looked back at Chan, who was now very focussed on my neck. Without thinking much, I traced the skin on my neck and pain shot through me. And I swore I could feel Jiwoon’s hands wrapped around my neck.

It became a bit difficult to breathe as my muscles tensed up. 

‘’Sung?,’’ Hyunjin said.

I shut my eyes as I could feel myself starting to tremble. Now was not the time to freak out. I was fine. The members were here and I was okay.

‘’Sungie, breathe,’’ Minho whispered. It sounded a bit muffled, like I was under water.

There was something wrong. I was spiralling. I tried to ground myself by gripping the fabric of my shirt but it didn’t help. 

And suddenly I was back in Jiwoon’s house. I was back on the floor with Jiwoon on top of me.

‘’Shit. Jisung?,’’

A hand gripped my thigh and the alarm-bells went off in my head.

As fast as I could I scooted back on the bed, prying the hand away from my thigh.

‘’L-let go,’’ I yelled.

I couldn’t breathe. I was suffocating. 

Now the hands were on my shoulders and I couldn’t hold back a cry.

‘’D-don’t touch me,’’ I whispered.

The grip on my shoulders got replaced by arms around me and I was pulled against someone.

‘’Stop! Let go!,’’ I yelled as I tried to pull away. The arms tightened and I felt the adrenaline rushing through my veins, ‘’ Jiwoon hyung, p-please! I’m sorry!,’’

Suddenly the arms were gone and I curled up.

‘’I’m sorry, I’m sorry. Please don’t h-hurt me,’’ I could hear myself say as I screwed my eyes shut.

There was noise around me and I couldn’t make sense of it. It was confusing and scary. I felt dizzy. It was as if I was on a rollercoaster. It made me nauseous and I could already taste the bile in my mouth. 

‘’I’m fine, I’m fine,’’ I muttered to myself as I rocked back and forth. 

But I knew I wasn’t fine. My head was heavy and my limbs felt weird.

And then I knew that it was no use. It was no use fighting. It was no using fighting Jiwoon or the feeling that I was going to pass out. It was no use. 

So I didn’t. I let it all happen. I let consciousness slip away as I took a deep breath.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My kororo is brokoro.
> 
> Again, did some research to find out what the official procedure is after sexual assault but I couldn't find sht about how it works EXACTLY so I went with what little I could find :/ 
> 
> Told you I was a sucker for MinSung


	19. Chapter 19

{Hyunjin}

I couldn’t find Minho. I really couldn’t find him no matter where I looked or how many times I looked.

As I stalked through the halls I looked down at the phone in my hand. It kept buzzing with notifications of messages, but not the one we wanted.

I rounded the corner and almost crashed into a nurse, luckily stepping to the side just in time. I muttered a ‘sorry’ and continued my way. 

I had been to the roof, I had been to the little café on the first floor, I had been outside and I had even searched in all the bathrooms but no Minho.

My lungs were burning and I decided to stop for a minute to catch my breath, sitting down on the bench near the receptionist.

I unlocked my phone and scrolled through my contacts. I knew he wasn’t going to pick up, based on our previous attempts, but pressed ‘call’ anyways. I got connected straight to voicemail and hung up with a sigh.

This evening wasn’t going how we had imagined it going. At first it had been fine, everyone happy to have Jisungie again, but then he had passed out on us and then Minho had just dashed out as soon as the nurse had let us known that Jisung probably had passed out due to an anxiety attack.

My heart ached as Minho’s expression crossed my mind. He had looked so upset and guilty and I understood why.

He had tried to calm Jisung down as soon as we noticed something was off but it had completely backfired. Instead of calming him down, his actions had sent Jisungie crashing and that was so, so incredibly sad. Especially because it was Minho.

I let out another sigh and leaned back to stare at the ceiling. I couldn’t help but feel like there were some higher powers telling us something. Maybe everything that what had happened served as a hint or a lesson. And it frustrated me that I didn’t seem to get it.

I got pulled out of my thoughts when I felt my phone vibrate in my hand. Without checking who was calling, I answered the call and put my phone to my ear, my eyes not leaving the weird patterns on the ceiling.

_‘’Jisung is awake,’’_ I heard Seungmin say.

Well, that was good.

I fanned myself, trying to cool down a little bit. It was now that I was sitting that I felt the heat in my body, making me highly uncomfortable.

‘’How is he?,’’ I asked.

It was silent on the other side for a few seconds too long and I wondered if Seungmin had heard me.

_‘’He asked us where you guys were and told him you’d be back soon.’’_

Something about the way Seungmin said it didn’t feel right. His voice was laced with concern and I could almost hear his brain working over hours. 

‘’Is there something wrong?,’’ I asked as my eyes kept scanning the people walking around. I wondered how it was possible for Minho to just disappear without a trace. I had asked multiple people but no one had even seen him.

_‘’No there isn’t,’’_ Seungmin stated, _‘’That’s the problem,’’_

How could there not being a problem be a problem? I was tired and my brain didn’t have the capacity to keep up with Seungmin’s cryptic way of speaking.

‘’What do you mean?,’’ I sighed.

_‘’He’s just… I don’t know,’’_

‘’Okay Seungmin, you’re really confusing me here,’’ I huffed as the frustration increased.

_‘’Just, come back if you can? I’m sure the rest will find Minho,’’_

And with that he hung up.

A little reluctantly I heaved myself up and started the way back to Jisung’s room. It wasn’t as if I was really worried but the phone call did leave me feeling a bit antsy. Seungmin was the type to keep his thoughts to himself, making sure they were organised neatly before speaking up.

On the way back I came across the same nurse form earlier and I swore I could see her almost glare at me. Great. 

I found myself in front of Jisung’s room again and knocked.

Down the hallway to my left I saw the manager talking to a police officer. His face looked familiar but I didn’t pay anymore attention to it as the door in front of me opened softly, revealing a worried-looking Woojin. He didn’t say anything as he moved away and motioned for me to come it.

Jisung was sitting on the bed, cross-legged, with Jeongin stuck to his left and Felix practically lying in his lap. They were focussed on the phone in Jisung’s hand, who was tapping away at the screen while Felix and Jeongin yelled instructions at him. From what I understood he was playing a game and failing badly.

And that was a nice sight but in a way it didn’t feel right. The image of him freaking out just a few hours ago was still fresh on my mind and what I was seeing now made me doubt if anything had ever happened at all.

‘’Oh Hyunjin!,’’ Jisung suddenly yelled.

I looked over at the boy and was met by one of the biggest smiles I had ever seen before. However, the little twitch at the corner of Jisung’s mouth filled me with sadness.

He was faking it.

And now I got why Seungmin had sounded so worried over the phone and why Woojin was frowning in the corner of the room.

‘’Jisung…,’’ I started, unsure of how to bring it up. 

‘’Hmm?,’’ Jisung responded, already looking back to the phone.

‘’Jisung, listen-,’’

‘’One second,’’ He muttered, seemingly too focussed on the game.

I heard Seungmin sigh and I turned my head to look at him. He looked tired as he ran his hands over his face. Woojin was tapping his finger against his leg as he stared at Jisung.

‘’You died again! Sungie I love you but you suck,’’ Felix exclaimed.

Felix was quick to snatch the phone out of Jisung’s hand, rolling to the end of the bed and away from Jisung. The sound of the game restarting could be heard and Jeongin immediately detached himself from Jisung’s side and snatched the phone away from Felix.

‘’It was my turn!,’’ The youngest yelled as he sat down on a chair next to the bed.

And Jisung laughed at that. I mentally winced at the sound. It really didn’t sound genuine. It sounded like he just reacted on social ques.

‘’I’m older!,’’ Felix screeched as he sprung up from the bed.

‘’So?,’’ Jeongin responded, eyes now stuck to the screen as he tapped away.

‘’That gives me rights!,’’ Felix huffed, but soon grew silent as he took place on the armrest of the chair Jeongin was sitting in, he too now focussed on the game.

And this left Jisung sitting on the bed alone. He was looking at the others with a smile on his face but I could see it slowly drop until his lips were set in a straight line.

I cleared my throat, suddenly feeling very thirsty, and that made Jisung look at me. 

And the way it took Jisung a second too long to plaster that smile back on his face again made me narrow my eyes.

‘’Jisung, what are you doing?,’’

I hadn’t intended for that to slip past my lips, let alone letting it sound so scolding, but there was nothing I could do about it now.

‘’Me? I was playing a game but as you can see it got stolen from me,’’ He replied as he motioned towards the two boys stuck to each other.

‘’That’s not what I me-,’’

‘’Shouldn’t you guys go back? It’s already pretty late,’’ Jisung rushed out.

My patience was running thin. Jisung was clearly trying to divert the attention.

‘’It’s fine. We’re staying here,’’ Woojin then interrupted, finally turning his head to look at the boy on the bed. 

‘’Are you sure? You guys look like you haven’t slept in weeks,’’ Jisung replied.

‘’Of course we haven’t Jisung!,’’ Seungmin hissed as he glared at the floor.

The corner of Jisung’s mouth twitched again and I saw his eyes going out of focus for a split second before he hung his head down, smile slipping from his face.  
Silence fell over the room after that as Jisung seemed to get lost in thought, only interrupted by the occasional squeals of the two boys in the chair.

 

{Minho}

It was cold outside but I ignored it. I ignored the coldness of the concrete under me and the metal on my back.

_‘’Stop! Let go!,’’_

‘’Stupid, stupid, stupid…’’ I muttered to myself as I let my head bounce of the metal of the car.

_‘’I’m sorry, I’m sorry. Please don’t h-hurt me,’’_

I let out a shaky breath as Jisung’s fearful expression flashed before me. The way he had recoiled and shrunk into himself hurt and for some reason my brain had shut down at that. All rational thinking had flown out the window and I ended up functioning on instincts.

And those had yelled at me to hold him, to bring him closer, to protect him. But that had been the worst course of action I could have taken.

My phone kept vibrating in my pocket and every buzz sent a knife through me.

They would be so disappointed in me. I had f*cked everything up. I had scared the one person we were told not to scare, to be cautious with.

What if he didn’t feel comfortable around me anymore? What if I had damaged his trust in me?

I could feel my lips quivering but I couldn’t quite figure out if it was because of the cold of the tears. 

‘’Minho…,’’

Without thinking, I slowly turned my head to my right.

It was dark in the parking lot but it was illuminated enough to see the look of pity on Chan’s face and that made me only feel worse.

Pity was a horrible thing and it only hurt to be looked at that way right now. It was a confirmation. A confirmation that I had done something stupid and thereby hurt everyone, including myself.

‘’We’ve been looking for you everywhere,’’ Chan spoke as he moved to crouch down next to me. There wasn’t a lot of space between the parked cars but it didn’t seem to bother him.

‘’How come you weren’t picking up your phone? We were worried you know?,’’

I winced as the words pierced my heart. I didn’t deserve to be worried about, not when we had Jisungie to think about.

‘’You shouldn’t,’’ I whispered, turning away from our leader.

‘’Sorry?,’’

‘’I said you shouldn’t. Worry about me that is. It’s my fault,’’ I replied as I looked back at him.

A sympathetic smile danced on Chan’s lips and he sat down, holding out his arms. The gesture was enough to sent me crashing and I almost threw myself at him.

It was only after I could feel myself calm down that Chan decided to speak up.

‘’Tell me what you’re thinking,’’

That was the point, I wasn’t really thinking anymore. I could only focus on this dread inside me.

‘’Min?,’’ 

‘’It hurts,’’ I managed to muffle out.

‘’Tell me what hurts Min,’’ Chan spoke as he ran his fingers through my hair.

I licked my lips. They were too dry and I was thirsty. 

What was it that hurt so much? 

Was it the way Jisung had reacted? Was it the way my brain kept telling me that Jisung was angry at me? Was it the fact that Jisung was covered in disgusting bruises? Was it the lack of fire in Jisung’s eyes?

I honestly didn’t know which was the worst out of all of them and I couldn’t settle for one. If Jisung was involved, it hurt.

‘’Jisung. Thinking about Jisungie hurts,’’ I whispered, ‘’It’s like something is trying to… I don’t know,’’

I let out another shaky breath as Chan hummed. I could feel the vibration of his chest and it weirdly soothed the nerves.

‘’We should get back. Woojin texted a while ago that Jisung is awake. They are probably waiting for us,’’ Chan said as he moved back.

‘’I… I don’t know,’’ I replied, wiping my face with my sleeve, ‘I don’t know if that’s a good idea,’’

‘’Stop it Minho. It wasn’t really smart what you did but you can’t possibly believe that Jisung is going to hate you for it,’’ Chan said sternly as he got up.

I followed his movement and Immediately regretted sitting on the cold and hard ground. My knees made a faint cracking sound as I stretched them out.

‘’But what if he does?,’’ I replied.

‘’Minho, he calls you his soulmate all the time. I honestly don’t think he’s even capable of disliking you, let alone outright hate you, no matter what you do,’’

I knew that there was nothing I could say to counter that. Chan was right but I was still scared. Terrified even. I had never stopped to think about what would happen if Jisungie suddenly wasn’t my best friend anymore, until today. And only thinking about that ever happening made my lungs contract and deny air.

‘’So we’re going now whether you like it or not,’’

And with that, Chan was dragging me back to the entrance.

 

{Jisung}

The situation was far less from ideal. 

Seungmin, Woojin and Hyunjin had been staring at me for the past fifteen minutes and it was getting very unnerving. I really tried not to pay attention to it but the way Hyunjin’s eyes narrowed each time I laughed made it impossible.

Hyunjin was one of the people who knew me best, probably because we had been at each other’s throats constantly when we had been trainees, for whatever childish reasons. Hyunjin knew me in and out, the result of months and months of reading each other’s non-verbal ques when things were tense.

Just like how Hyunjin knew me, I knew him.

And I knew that Hyunjin was pissed and worried at the same time but I wasn’t going to comment on that. I knew the reason anyways so I didn’t see the point in trying to ask and deny.

It wasn’t as if I wanted to be dishonest, but I had hoped they would smile if I smiled. That was kindergarten logic but it was the best my brain could come up with at the moment.

So much had happened in one day and even though I knew that I should be tired, I wasn’t. My mind was going a million miles an hour, only pausing for the most horrible images.

It was surreal. Being here.

The door suddenly slid open, making everyone turn towards the sound. Changbin came walking in with a slight frown on his face as he typed away at his phone. For a second he glanced over me before making his way towards Woojin and leaned down to whispered something to the eldest.

Woojin’s eyes shot up to look at Changbin and then to me.

I didn’t know what it was, but they were keeping something from me and that didn’t feel good. I had know as soon as I had asked where the other members were and they had given some weird ass answer, something along the lines of ‘They will be back soon’’, which wasn’t even an answer.

Changbin moved to sit next to Hyunjin, once again relaying information by whispering. Jeongin and Felix were still playing that stupid game and I noticed how loud they were. There was more whispering in front of me and I felt the irritation start rushing through my veins. 

I screwed my eyes shut, willing myself to push away the itchy feeling in my veins.

‘’So, where are the others?,’’ I asked again, trying to mask the frustration by smiling.

The four in front of me snapped their heads up to look at me. However, no one responded. I could see the gears in their head turning as they seemed to be having a conversation with each other through their eyes.

‘’Stop doing that,’’ I huffed out, ‘’What is going on?,’’

‘’Nothing. Don’t worry about it,’’ Changbin finally replied, his eyes not meeting mine. None of them looked at me. The wall next to me was apparently way more interesting.

‘’I’m not dumb. Spill it,’’ I almost growled.

‘’Like I said, it’s not important,’’

‘’That’s not the point!,’’ I yelled, making Jeongin and Felix look up in shock as well.

I didn’t understand why I was getting so worked up about the issue. They said it wasn’t important and I trusted their judgement, but an uncomfortable feeling settled in my chest.   
I realised that it was the fact that they weren’t honest. They were withholding something from me. I knew that I was being dramatic and incredibly hypocritical but I couldn’t shake the feeling that they seemed to get further and further away. The distance between me and them felt bigger, like I was on one side of the line and they on the other. And that hurt a bit.

It was as if all fight in me disappeared, only to leave me with stinging eyes. I couldn’t help but let my head hang as I tried to fight the tears.

‘’Jisung, just-,’’

‘’Leave,’’

The words had left my mouth before I knew it. I didn’t know why but I just felt really lonely all of a sudden. Lonely because they were here, but not really. There was a disconnect. 

‘’What?,’’ Seungmin responded.

‘’Please leave,’’ I replied as I shut my eyes.

It didn’t help. I could feel the tears slowly trickling down my face.

‘’Jisung, what’s wrong?,’’ I could hear Woojin ask.

I opened my eyes again and was met by worried faces. 

‘’I want to be alone now,’’ I replied with a shaky voice.

‘’Sung…,’’ 

The door slid open once again and Chan strolled in, dragging Minho behind him. He came to a stop as he took in the scene in front of him.

‘’What’s going on?,’’ He asked, concern written all over his face as his eyes darted from me to the others.

I noticed Minho standing behind him. His eyes were focussed on the floor as he fidgeted with his fingers. A visible shiver an through his body. I knew that there was something wrong. And that lonely feeling got replaced by worry instantly. 

‘’Minho Hyung?,’’ 

Minho immediately tensed up and he closed his eyes. He looked so small behind Chan. So small and vulnerable that it made my heart sink.

‘’Hyung? What’s wrong?,’’ I tried again, not able to keep the slight stress out of my voice.

The little sob that came out of his mouth made me move.

Without thinking I threw myself out of bed, almost tripping as I stumbled and stalked my way over to the older. I did my best not to push Chan away too hard before swinging my arms around Minho and pulling him in for a hug.

I could feel his muscles stiffen before he relaxed, gripping my waist and leaning his head on my shoulder. He started shaking as he pulled me closer.

‘’I’m sorry. Please don’t hate me,’’ his voice was muffled and a bit ragged in between his sobs.

The fear and sadness that pierced my heart and I felt my eyes welling up. 

‘’Why, in heavens name, would I hate you hyung?,’’ I inquired, genuinely confused.

There was another painful sob and I tightened my hold around his neck.

‘’Because I scared you!,’’

And I figured it had been Minho. Not that I really remembered what had happened, but it suddenly clicked. In my panic I had apparently confused Minho with Jiwoon, confusing his touches with something much darker.

Guilt overwhelmed me. I was the reason he was like this. 

‘’Hyung I’m… it’s not your fault,’’ I responded quietly, trying to pull back a little so that I could see his face.

Minho just tightened his grip and buried his face deeper into my neck, as if I was going to disappear if he let go. 

‘’Hyung, look at me,’’

Minho let me pull myself away a little bit so I could look at him. He looked so distressed, an emotion I had never quite seen on his face. Without thinking much I softly wiped the tears from his face. He closed his eyes and let out a pained sigh.

‘’Don’t cry Hyung. I’m sorry. Please don’t cry,’’ I whispered through my tears as my hands stopped to rest on his cheeks.

‘’No, I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry,’’ He said as he opened his eyes again and mirrored my action.

We stayed like that for a minute and the tears finally stopped.

‘’So you don’t hate me?,’’ he asked as a shy and uncertain smile graced his lips.

I hugged him again, running my fingers through the hair on the back of his head.

 

‘’How could I ever hate my soulmate?,’’


	20. READ Me!... please?

So, my sweet potatoes, my cutiepatooties.

That marks the end of the story for now. It has truly been a pleasure to upload this, though I can't really say that with the same enthousiasm about writing this.  
I actually hated writing when I started. Now I can hear you guys thinking, why did you write this then?

I suddenly developed some form of insomnia last year and I had to do something else with my extra time, preferably something that tired me out, instead of feeling sorry for myself...? Back in high school I had this teacher who liked the way I wrote and I suddenly remembered that. Plus, I have a great imagination so for years I caught myself making up stories in my head but never actually writing them down.

Now, this turned out darker than I had intended. The planning was to do a ''simple'' kidnap fic so I don't know how this really happened.

I don't remember where I was going with this...?

ANyhoes,  
I've been writing a lot and now I'm actually enjoying it so you can't get rid of me just yet :)

Now, there WILL be a sequel. I have mentioned this before but I thought I would repeat that for the people who missed that but are interested. I have just some vague idea's about what I'm going to write but I have nothing planned yet. I don't really plan btw. I just start writing and the plot comes to me as I go. Sometimes I backtrack to adjust, sometimes I write scenes in wrong order just because I suddenly get an idea etc etc.

That's what happened with the ending, or more like the way Jisung gets out. I was halfway through writing when I wrote, what I call, Ending Option 1.

I present: My directly copied drablle from word:  
\----------------------------------------  
 **Ending option 1:  
\- Decides to leave  
\- gets out, (Locks Jiwoon in the bathroom) finds out he was only a few streets away.**

I was finally out. I could breathe the fresh air. My senses went into overdrive as the sounds and smells of the city filled my ears and nose. I was free.

However, I suddenly realised I recognised the buildings surrounding me and as I looked around I felt my heart drop to my stomach. 

I knew this street.

I knew the 7/11 on my far left.

I knew that if I turned right and walked down the little street I would end up at the bus stop. 

I knew that the dorm was visible from where I was standing. I just had to shift a bit to the left and look past the narrow alleyway in between the two flats in front of me.

_You must be kidding me?_

_I was so close all this time?_

**\- gets home, knocks but no one there, freaks out because the code changed, knocks again and the door opens (Jeongin), Jisung dashes past him.**

I slowed down once the door came into sight. Almost home. Almost back with the members. Almost okay.

However, once I reached the door I felt myself hesitate. I wasn’t ready to see their faces. I wasn’t ready for all the emotions. 

But I knocked.

Probably too soft, because even I could barely hear it.

I took a deep breath and knocked again.

Still no answer.

Then it dawned on me that maybe Jiwoon had gotten out already and I knocked again.

Then I decided to turn to the lock on the door. With shaky fingers I pressed the numbers. It didn’t work. The lock informed me that I had the wrong code.

I felt the anxiety rise as I tried again, but still got rejected. 

My body started shaking and I knocked again. I suddenly heard footsteps coming up the stairs and I froze. I was scared. My mind screamed at me that Jiwoon had followed me back and that he was going to hurt me.

The adrenaline started pumping as the footsteps grew louder.

I sprung to action and banged on the door, not caring how loud it was. It had to be loud. Someone had to hear me.

I wanted to yell, but my throat was closed up. 

After a few seconds I heard the lock beep and the door opened.

‘’Can I-,’’

I pushed the door further open and rushed in before slamming the door closed behind me. The lock beeped again to inform me that the door was properly closed and locked. I let out shaky breath as I leaned my forehead against the sturdy door. I was home. I was finally home.

‘’Hyung…?,’’ I heard someone whisper behind me.

And hearing the familiar voice snapped me into reality.

I slowly turned around and was met by a very shocked Jeongin, tears running down his face as soon as his eyes met mine. The glass he was holding slipped his hand and the sound of glass shattering made my ears ring. I instinctively flinched and took a step back. 

‘’Ya! What the hell was-,’’ Minho yelled as he came walking from the kitchen, Seungmin, Woojin and Felix in tow. However, they stopped dead in their tracks once they saw the scene.

Their eyes widened as they looked me over, as if they didn’t believe what they were seeing.

‘’Oh my god…,’’ Woojin whispered before his hands covered his mouth. Seungmin and Felix looked just as shocked.

My heart broke when my eyes met Minho’s. Silent tears made their way down his face and as if he was in a trance, he took slow steps towards me.

‘’S-Sungie?,’’ He croaked out, still a few steps away.

The nickname sent a shiver down my spine. It was tainted. It sounded foul because of all the memories it carried. It was yet another thing Jiwoon had taken from me. But I ignored it as it was Minho. Just Minho and not Jiwoon.

I let the tears flow down my face as I gave a little nod, trying to give him a little smile. However, it soon faded as I felt myself breaking down. This was too much. The familiar environment, the familiar faces, the familiar voices. It was too much to handle.

I let out a sob and felt myself crash down to the floor on my knees.

Soon I was engulfed in a bone-crushing hug. I clamped onto Minho as he tightened his grip around me.

‘’Oh my god,’’ Minho whispered in my ear over and over again as I just cried. His fingers combed through my hair and the gesture made my muscles relax, but it was too warm. It was familiar but new at the same time. I had been cold for such a long time that I didn’t know how to handle the warmth. So I just cried as Minho held my shaking body.

‘’You’re here. You’re back,’’ Minho said. It sounded as if he couldn’t really believe it and like he was saying the words to convince himself.

It took minutes, maybe even hours before I felt myself calm down. I pulled away and looked at Minho. He looked like a mess and I felt sorry for being the cause of it. He looked so sad. Without thinking much I softly wiped the tears from his face. Minho closed his eyes and let out a pained sigh before opening them again.

‘’Don’t cry Hyung. I’m sorry. Please don’t cry,’’ I said as I moved my hands away.

‘’No, I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry,’’ He said as he grabbed my hands.

‘’Jisungie?,’’

I looked over Minho’s shoulder and saw that Changbin, Chan and Hyunjin were standing next to the others as well. 

‘’Hi,’’ I said softly. My voice still sounded a bit off but that was okay. I would be okay.

I took a quick glance around and saw that Felix and Seungmin were stuck to each other. Jeongin was sobbing in Woojin’s arms and Changbin and Hyunjin were holding hands.

And Chan just stood there, a small smile on his lips and tears in his eyes.

\-----------------------------------------------------------------

But then I was like, this isn't it. (ps, see how I plan scenes? That's all I work with. I literally make sht up sentence by sentence)

Ehhhmmm, I'm now writing another story? I've mentioned that before as well :)  
It will be the next thing I upload but it's probably going to take some time because I'm only at chapter 4 and nowhere near the beginning of the actual plot i had imagined (That's what happens when I just go with the flow)

It's again a Stray Kids fic, Jisung centered because I can :) It's set during the middle ages, it's about adventure, definately MinSung in a non-platonic way and yeah... I'm trying to make it fluffy and less angsty (still angsty, just less than this but that's not very difficult to do) because i'm done with that for a bit. So fluff and relationships... I'm trying but we'll see how it goes ^^

Anyone interested in a preview of some sorts? -->

The next day Jisung was in the forest again, shooting his arrows at the innocent trees with his hair sticking to his forehead.   
He had been at it all afternoon, getting a bit better with every arrow he shot. He slowly started to get the hang of it and he was thoroughly having fun.

The only thing that really wasn’t fun was fetching his arrows. The ones that stuck to the tree were okay, but the ones that missed were a hell to find again.  
Luckily he had Felix with him, who was sometimes so kind as to put his book down and help Jisung comb the bushes.

Jisung was just about to shoot when Felix loudly shut his book. Jisung let his arm drop and turned his torso.

‘’What? You need attention or something?,’’ Jisung asked as he rolled his eyes at Felix.

Felix just giggled, clearly not offended at all. Jisung knew that he wouldn’t because they communicated this way all the time.

‘’A certain part of me does,’’ Felix replied, wiggling his brows.

And Jisung had to try really hard not to slap some sense into his best friend. 

‘’Lix, I love you but you don’t need to keep me updated on your bodily functions,’’

‘’Sorry not sorry,’’ The freckled boy replied, ‘’But what I wanted to say was that I have to go. Lunch you know. I need it now or I’ll die,’’

‘’So you’re just going to ditch me for some food?,’’ Jisung replied as he watched Felix getting up and dusting the grass off his clothes.

‘’Sorry darling but my heart, well… stomach, tells is the right thing to do,’’

‘’I’m getting a divorce,’’ Jisung replied as he turned his body and drew his bow again, ignoring Felix’s chuckles as he focussed on the tree. 

And he missed. 

He let out a sigh as he let his shoulders slump before turning back to face his friend.

‘’Lix, help?,’’ Jisung asked as Felix grabbed his book from the ground.

‘’Nope. You divorced me, remember? Do it yourself loser,’’ Felix said before waving and running off.

\---------------------  
‘’What are you doing?!,’’ Jisung hissed as he came to a stop, a couple of meters away from the figure.

‘’Good afternoon to you too Hannie,’’ Taeho said as he continued to play with the bow.

And even though Jisung didn’t like Taeho, he did like his bow very much so without thinking he stalked towards Taeho. 

‘’Stop that. You’re going to break it,’’ Jisung said as he tried to gently pull his bow out of Taeho’s hands.

And much to Jisung’s surprise, Taeho let go. Jisung didn’t waste any time and hurriedly hung it on his back before kneeling down to get his satchel. It was when Jisung had put away his last arrow that Taeho spoke up.

‘’I think you’re forgetting something Hannie,’’

Taeho looked like he was serious so Jisung scanned the area around him but he didn’t see anything laying around. He checked his satchel and there were no arrows missing.

Confused, Jisung looked back at Taeho.

The latter didn’t look amused. His eyes were piercing and Jisung felt himself shrink for a second.

He suddenly wondered how Taeho knew where he was.

\----------------------------------------

So yeah... Stick around for that, maybe? 

Thanks to everyone for reading, leaving kudos and commenting :D  
Please let me know your final thoughts in the comments and maybe stick around for the sequel and more stories?

I'm a bit sad to say goodbye :(

Bye <3


End file.
